I was smoking my pipe, Along the alley behind my home
When a long hair happened by, and said, "What ya smokin', Bro"
I said, "It's a mix of Maui and Thai, Skunk, and Big Bud."
He stared and he stuttered just like Elmer Fudd.
He said, "How the hell could you find, so much wicked grass?"
and I said," Listen bud, I've smoked every kind, I've been so blessed!"

CHORUS
Hell I know my weed, man
Yes I know my weed, man
Even all the seeds, man
Pot is what ya need, man
Comin' down off of speed, man
Yes, I know my weed

I've seen big buds, small buds, sticky buds, pricky buds,
stinky buds, dinky buds,wicked buds, sick buds,
red buds, brown buds, green buds, gold buds,
purple buds, blue buds, even maroon buds,
flat buds, fat buds, new buds, old buds,
wet buds, dry buds, wickedly high buds (chorus)

I've seen reefer, mary jane, ganja, ease the pain
take a puff, take a toke, hold it in, don't choke
white widow, red hair, sensi with a certain flair
temple balls, wicked hash, moroccan worth a lot of cash
up smoke, down smoke, in smoke, out smoke
everything you could toke, even tried a little coke (chorus)

I've seen kick ass, wicked grass, big mass, smokin' glass,
hash pipe, weed pipe, stubby pipe, long pipe
tall bongs, tiny bongs, toke until you fall bongs,
vaporizers, power hitters, silly smoke, give ya titters
get high, get flaked, get stoned, get baked
Cheech and Chong, trippy songs, even Tommy Chong's bongs (chorus)