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Song Parodies -> "Archetypal Devil Child"

Original Song Title:

"Modern Major General"

Original Performer:

Gilbert and Sullivan

Parody Song Title:

"Archetypal Devil Child"

Parody Written by:

Mytheos Holt

The Lyrics

Requires knowledge of "the Ring."
The scene: The room where Becca and Katie were sitting. They both are there and suddenly the TV starts to static and ridiculously silly music begins to play. SAMARA climbs out of the well and begins to march in time with the music out of the tape.

SAMARA
I am the very model of an archetypal devil child
I drove my father crazy and I set the horses running wild
I live inside a well, but all these years it's been a sloppy pit
And you'll die because you watched my tape and didn't copy it!

I've been described as creepy, evil, awful and the kid from hell
Well, what do you expect when you mom dumps your butt inside a well?
I have need for a mother which is positively Freudian
And if you went and watched my tape, you really can't avoid me then!

KATIE AND BECCA
We know we watched your tape, but we wish we could avoid you then!
We know we watched your tape, but we wish we could avoid you then!
We know we watched your tape, but oh dear god, we wish we could avoid you then!

SAMARA
I'm not as skilled at murder as those nutjobs up in DC are
Rather than launch nukes at you, I'll just kill you from your VCR
I'm evil and disgusting and my anger really isn't mild
I am the very model of an archetypal devil child.

KATIE AND BECCA
She's evil and disgusting and her anger really isn't mild
She is the very model of an archetypal devil child

SAMARA
They say a Ring 3's coming, I say, God, don't let it happen, please
Already I am sneered at by those damn fans of the Japanese
The asians make good movies, but the ring two was just out of place
Especially considering I wasn't played by Daveigh Chase.

Who knew the chick that Richard Morgan kept inside the horse's barn
Would turn into the focal point of such a twisted horror yarn?
Because when you're a ghost, you do not sleep or eat or menstruate
Nobody gives a damn about the trauma that I went through, great!

BECCA AND KATIE
Nobody gives a damn about the trauma we'll both go through, great!
Nobody gives a damn about the trauma we'll both go through, great!
Nobody gives a damn about the trauma we'll both go through, great!

SAMARA
Nobody on Moesko even asked the question why I'm dead
Perhaps because I turned them off by putting @#%$ inside their head...
I really need a barber, and I swear to God I never smiled
I am the very model of an archetypal devil child.

KATIE AND BECCA
She really needs a barber, and she swears to God she never smiled
She is the very model of an archetypal devil child

(Slower, as she comes out of the TV)

SAMARA
In terms of horror villains, I'm the only little kid we know
But Dracula and Lecter didn't kill folks with a video
I haven't an idea why I still continue to exist
It's quite unscientific and I know that I would not be missed.
Oh well, I'll simply drag you into TVs where it's black and white
So sorry to be mean, but it is futile my attack to fight
My nensha is ungodly, and I use it meanly undeterred
By the fact that Americans don't know or care about that word.

BECCA AND KATIE
The fact is, most Americans don't know or care about that word
The fact is, most Americans don't know or care about that word
The fact is, most Americans don't know or care about, there is no doubt, about that word

SAMARA
Oh well, I'll simply take another teenage kid with me instead
Whichever one of you is Katie, well, she'd better know she's fugging dead.
I like it that I'm feared and hated, screamed at, mean and quite reviled.
I am the very model of an archetypal devil child!

KATIE AND BECCA
She likes it that she's feared and hated, screamed at, mean and quite reviled
She is the very model of an archetypal devil child!

(She drags KATIE into the TV and the music stops.)

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.4
How Funny: 4.2
Overall Rating: 4.4

Total Votes: 5

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

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 3   1
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 4   1
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 5   3
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User Comments

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Phil Alexander - May 02, 2005 - Report this comment
I don't know "The Ring", but I thought this was excellent, anyway.

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