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Song Parodies -> "Cut Down To Fit In Mittens"

Original Song Title:

"Town Without Pity"

Original Performer:

Gene Pitney

Parody Song Title:

"Cut Down To Fit In Mittens"

Parody Written by:

Stan Hall

The Lyrics

Town, shmown ... here's a parody without pitty. :-)
When you’re hung and need a glove, like me,
and the condoms on the shelf are all too wee,
try to wheedle girls, but no …
bonely bros uncovered know
we’re shut down without a mitten, can’t screw.

When in floppy phase my monster bar
is no larger than Fidel’s cigar
but what fits at easy stage
is too tight at tenser gauge ...
so I frown … without a mitten, can’t screw.

The hung have problems – can’t fit condoms
over a stunning standing dart.
What Nature dealt us below the belt was-
n’t ever made to cram in lambskin from the start.

So I figured if I polled my mast,
I’d get laid and know some joy at last.
I said “Surgeons, please take five,
let the root and roof survive …
from the middle nine is where to hew.
Want my spout to fit in mittens, thank you.

[musical interlude]

Thanks to skillful surgeons knives
now I’ve just enough to swive.
and my little man‘s wearin’ a suit …
cut-down and now be-mittened, can screw!

Now I’m whittled, itty-bitty but cut down to fit in mittens … can screw.

© Stan Hall 11/24/2008

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 7

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

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 5   7
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User Comments

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John Barry - November 25, 2008 - Report this comment
Fives for "swive."
Invisible Boy - November 25, 2008 - Report this comment
Funny Stan. I've never heard "mitten" used this way. Here's a wad of 5s.
Leo Keough - November 25, 2008 - Report this comment
Now there's a problem that got blown all out of proportion.
LiLCougarCakes - November 25, 2008 - Report this comment
. . . what, lost your mittens? You naughty kittens; then you shall have no pie . . .
Stan - November 25, 2008 - Report this comment
Thanks, gang.
Hey Cakes, d'you s'pose this ws the kind of mitten Mrs. Flibbertygibbet was trying so hard to get the Mr. to wear? You do remember Mr. F., no? :-)
AFW - November 25, 2008 - Report this comment
I was smitten with this mitten parody
Stuart McArthur - November 26, 2008 - Report this comment
ha! what Leo said...and I'll add "now there's an imagination that's been given some rope" Stan - esp loved the internal rhyming opf "What Nature dealt us below the belt was" - 555

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