Patchmaker, patchmaker, make me a patch!
Trans-dermal-ize, drugs in a batch!
Patchmaker, patchmaker, mix me a fix,
And make me a perfect patch!

Patchmaker, patchmaker, I'm hooked on grass!
I think there's room, there on my ass
Paste in that place something sticky and strong ---
--- a dermal adhesive bong!

It oughta, stick while I'm sleeping
It shouldn't, make me itch, cry, or gasp
To make sure, in me it's seeping,
I'll scrape my skin with a sand-paper rasp!

Patchmaker, patchmaker, make me a patch!
Spice it with nice, meth made from scratch,
Morphine, caffeine, and some juice from a toad,
And eight lines of coke for the road!


"Loaded, so loaded, have we made a patch for you!
It hands you a strong all-night glee-fix of goo!
It feels so nice, man, a good patch, dude? DUDE!
We promise you'll be happy, just stick it on your bod!
Your skin'll start to grin --- then you'll see GOD!"

"Prozac slides down in, right through epidermal-hide!
Feel handsome, feel tall --- feel like you're Mister Hyde!
It feels like vice, man, a cool patch, right? RIGHT!
You're nerdy? Have a temper? We'll treat you every night!
You'll be a Shrek-like ogre --- and then you can FIGHT!"

"Are you running out of skin?
Stick'em on where they can latch!
On your right knee, your left knee, your fanny an' backside!
Be glad you've got OUR PATCH!"


Patchmaker, patchmaker, you know that I'm
Counting on you, please bake your slime!
In-clude within it Vi-co-din for pain
And LSD for my brain!

Beer, and, iced tea are essential
Remem-ber Ecstasy in your brew
Since, that, drug makes my teeth clench, I'll
Need lots, of, Valium too!

Patchmaker, patchmaker, plan for my derm,
High inflow-rush, making me squirm!
Pour in Tequila and swirl-in The Worm,

And ---

Grill me a pill ---

Groom me a 'shroom ---

Feed me some weed ---

Hatch me a batch ---

--- of drugs in a scraaaaatch-less PATCH!