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Song Parodies -> "Patchmaker, Patchmaker"

Original Song Title:

"Matchmaker, Matchmaker"

Original Performer:

Fiddler On The Roof

Parody Song Title:

"Patchmaker, Patchmaker"

Parody Written by:

The Comedian

The Lyrics

Patchmaker, patchmaker, make me a patch!
Trans-dermal-ize, drugs in a batch!
Patchmaker, patchmaker, mix me a fix,
And make me a perfect patch!

Patchmaker, patchmaker, I'm hooked on grass!
I think there's room, there on my ass
Paste in that place something sticky and strong ---
--- a dermal adhesive bong!

It oughta, stick while I'm sleeping
It shouldn't, make me itch, cry, or gasp
To make sure, in me it's seeping,
I'll scrape my skin with a sand-paper rasp!

Patchmaker, patchmaker, make me a patch!
Spice it with nice, meth made from scratch,
Morphine, caffeine, and some juice from a toad,
And eight lines of coke for the road!

"Loaded, so loaded, have we made a patch for you!
It hands you a strong all-night glee-fix of goo!
It feels so nice, man, a good patch, dude? DUDE!
We promise you'll be happy, just stick it on your bod!
Your skin'll start to grin --- then you'll see GOD!"

"Prozac slides down in, right through epidermal-hide!
Feel handsome, feel tall --- feel like you're Mister Hyde!
It feels like vice, man, a cool patch, right? RIGHT!
You're nerdy? Have a temper? We'll treat you every night!
You'll be a Shrek-like ogre --- and then you can FIGHT!"

"Are you running out of skin?
Stick'em on where they can latch!
On your right knee, your left knee, your fanny an' backside!
Be glad you've got OUR PATCH!"

Patchmaker, patchmaker, you know that I'm
Counting on you, please bake your slime!
In-clude within it Vi-co-din for pain
And LSD for my brain!

Beer, and, iced tea are essential
Remem-ber Ecstasy in your brew
Since, that, drug makes my teeth clench, I'll
Need lots, of, Valium too!

Patchmaker, patchmaker, plan for my derm,
High inflow-rush, making me squirm!
Pour in Tequila and swirl-in The Worm,

And ---

Grill me a pill ---

Groom me a 'shroom ---

Feed me some weed ---

Hatch me a batch ---

--- of drugs in a scraaaaatch-less PATCH!

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 4.9
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 9

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   9

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

AFW - February 03, 2006 - Report this comment
A Fantastic frolic of sticky fun............I adhere fives
Royce Miller - February 03, 2006 - Report this comment
Not only are you able to write the long stuff, your limericks are just as good.
alvin rhodes - February 03, 2006 - Report this comment
with that kind of patch, you'd STAY patched...sign me up
Rick C - February 03, 2006 - Report this comment
HA! I tried the nicotine patch but, it didn't work for me. Then my doctor explained it should go UNDER the shirt! 555
Peter Andersson a.k.a K1chyd - February 03, 2006 - Report this comment
What? Under the shirt? I though you added them to the cigarette so as to work as an additional filter!
Larry Hensley - February 03, 2006 - Report this comment
Really liked this, 555's
Tommy Turtle - February 03, 2006 - Report this comment
So now we know the (chemical) keys to creativity!!!
I was going to say that parodies this good are definitely not a drug on the market, but that usage is somewhat obsolete. (Cf. Merriam-Webster Online, "drug" n. def. 2)

Three nickel bags!
Red Ant - February 03, 2006 - Report this comment
Holy cow, sounds like the suitcase from "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas" (minus the red-herring adrenachrome) rolled into one nice tidy package.
carol - February 03, 2006 - Report this comment
great one JD! 5's
Johnny D - February 04, 2006 - Report this comment
Thanks AFW, Royce, alvin, Rick C, Peter, Larry, TT, Red Ant, and carol.
JAB - March 29, 2016 - Report this comment
Working on the OS I saw this, 10 years later. Brilliant!

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