I'm stuck in a room
With a nurse, who just sits and won't talk
A split open gown
Wait around, till I'm tempted to walk
Then, they wheel me away
Make me swallow that milkshake with chalk..

I got those, "Hold still ! Don't breathe !"
Upper Lower, G. I. Blues...
Snappin' x-ray pictures of all a' me, 'cept my shoes
Well, if they don't stop testin' soon
I'm gonna' blow my fuse!

I'm flat on a platform
As cold as an Alaskan Cod
The doc keeps on searchin'
I think he's pretendin' he's God
He's doin' awful things
And does not respect my bod..

My name isn't Rover.
But, they're treatin' me like a mutt
They tell me, roll over
Then pump liquid chalk in my butt
I guess they must believe that I
Have a blackboard gut

I got those "Someone help me!"
Upper Lower G.I. Blues
Snappin' x-ray pictures of all a' me, 'cept my shoes
I feel like standin' on a couch,
And jumpin' like Tom Cruise!

With long plastic hoses
In, x-ray technicians do march
They're pushin' and probin'
It feels like they're usin' spray starch
When it's all's said and done, all they
Find is one fallen arch...

I got those "Can't take no more!"
Upper Lower G.I. Blues
Doctor looks bright red, he's got horns, just like "You Know Whose"
And I'd be halfway home, right now
If I could find my shoes!

Yeah, I'd be halfway home, right now
If I could find my shoes!