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Song Parodies -> "You've Got Mail"

Original Song Title:

"Green Eggs and Ham"

Original Performer:

Dr. Seuss

Parody Song Title:

"You've Got Mail"

Parody Written by:

Ingeborg S. Nordén

The Lyrics

My first nonmusical parody on this site--an older poem I wrote after a few too many junk e-mails bypassed my antispam software. Jared suggested posting this one here, and Chucky said it wasn't too off-color; thanks to both of you!P.S. I'm pretty sure the Seuss book came out in the 60s though I could be wrong...
[Spammer:]

I am Sam
Sam I am

[Ingeborg:]

That Sam-I-am! That Sam-I-am!
I do not like that Sam-I-am!

[Spammer:]

Do you need prescription meds
for excess weight or troubled heads?

[Ingeborg:]

I do not need prescription meds
for excess weight or troubled heads.
I do not like to read your spam...
I do not like it, Sam-I-am!

[Spammer:]

I've got a great deal on Cialis
and patches to enlarge your phallus.
I guarantee, my new selections
will give you weekend-long erections!

[Ingeborg:]

I've been female all my life--
I'm no one's girlfriend, no one's wife.
No honest marketer suspects
that folks like me need pills for sex.
I do not like to read your spam...
I do not like it, Sam-I-am!

[Spammer:]

Come take a look at horny teens
in graphic barnyard action scenes!
Hot girls, a flock of sheep, a horse--
you'll need your credit card, of course.


[Ingeborg:]

Has self-abusing made you blind?!?
I don't watch porn of any kind.
I would not watch that trash for free...
I'll stick with hugs, they're rated G!
I do not like to read your spam...
I do not like it, Sam-I-am!

[Spammer:]

You don't like sex? Oh, what a shame, miss!
We can try another game, miss!
Would you like to get rich quick?
These videos teach all the tricks.

[Ingeborg:]

I would not like to get rich quick
using spammers' dirty tricks.
I do not like to read your spam...
I do not like it, Sam-I-am!

[Spammer:]

But I can wire a huge amount
from this foreign bank account
as long as I'm allowed my share;
it's on the level, fair and square.

[Ingeborg:]

That scam is older than the Net;
I will not take your sucker bet.
I do not like to read your spam...
I do not like it, Sam-I-am!

[Spammer:]

This brand-name software's very nice
at just a fraction of the price.
Anti-virus, graphics too--
there's so much bootleg disks can do!

[Ingeborg:]

Forget about it--nix--no sale!
Your offer might land me in jail.
I do not like to read your spam...
I do not like it, Sam-I-am!

[Spammer:]

Free meals, free books, free videos?
Surely you'd want some of those!
You'd qualify, it's not too hard--
Just take our surveys, get this card!

[Ingeborg:]

Your surveys aren't really free--
your offers can't bamboozle me.
Although you say I've opted in,
there's no way out; I'd never win.
I do not like to read your spam...
I do not like it, Sam-I-am!

[Spammer:]

Your freeware filter's not so smart--
see, I can pick the rules apart.
I'll add some words no one suspects
so you'll STILL see my spammy texts.

[Ingeborg:]

I'll still delete Viagra ads.
I'll still think porno sites are bad.
I'll still spot scams a mile away,
no matter what your e-mails say.
And though you mask your ISP,
use hidden quotes to get to me...
you'll NEVER make me like your spam.
You're still a scumbag, Sam-I-am!

Your Vote & Comment Counts

The parody authors spend a lot of time writing parodies for the website and they appreciate feedback in the form of votes and comments. Please take some time to leave a comment below about this parody.

Place Your Vote

 LittleLots
Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 



In order for your vote to count, you need to hit the 'Place Your Vote' button.
 

Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.6
How Funny: 4.5
Overall Rating: 4.5

Total Votes: 25

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 2
 2
 
 2   0
 0
 1
 
 3   1
 1
 0
 
 4   4
 2
 2
 
 5   19
 20
 20
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Agrimorfee - October 14, 2004 - Report this comment
Whoever voted a 1 for funny above should be shot. 555...even for a non-song. You know, this could open up a whole can of worms...literary parodies? I dunno--should/could this website go in that direction? (not that it interests me heavily)
Olvan The Terrible - October 14, 2004 - Report this comment
Bravissima! I'm sure Dr. Seuss is looking down on you from heaven and beaming with pride.
Dee Range - October 14, 2004 - Report this comment
Holy moly, sakes alive, I hope you like these triple fives:-)
Johnny D - October 14, 2004 - Report this comment
Ingeborg, you are a poet. 555
John Barry - October 14, 2004 - Report this comment
Who voted one/Has got some Spam/Or perhaps dung/In his/her brainpan.
Know 1 can hear you dream - October 14, 2004 - Report this comment
:-) Strangely enough I have not yet written an anti-spam song parody myself (though I have one pretty far sketched somewhere). But I do have written an anti-spam parody of another kind, before I found AmIright. It's still up on my old website and since you might be the only one here who'll understand the "hidden" Swedish references I'll give you the URL so that you can check it out, if you should happen to have the time sometime. If not, I will not be offended so don't worry about it in that case

http://home9.swipnet.se/~w-94089/peter/alfe.htm
BOOOOOO!!!! - October 14, 2004 - Report this comment
Not A Song!!!
Merry - October 14, 2004 - Report this comment
This was great! Especially liked the second verse "I've been female all my life..."
The Psychic Avenger - October 14, 2004 - Report this comment
Hey "BOOOOOO!!!!", Jessy, how's it going?
Serafina - October 14, 2004 - Report this comment
The original may not be a "song", but that's okay. It's fun to see parodies of "non-songs" once in a while; this one was great. Nicely done, too. 5-5-5. :)
... - October 16, 2004 - Report this comment
I think so too. 5-5-5.
Peregrin - October 21, 2004 - Report this comment
Better late than never ! Great stuff, funny!
Scathe - October 30, 2004 - Report this comment
This clever rhyme will let you gloat. 3 5's I'll give as my honest vote. I also hate that loathsome spam. Give a punch for me to Sam-I-am. :-D
Spoof-Man - January 28, 2010 - Report this comment
BRILLANT!!
Brandon Reina - January 08, 2017 - Report this comment
Greatly done. I liked watching this romantic movie of the same name with Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan.
Jared - January 09, 2017 - Report this comment
Good intentions but uneven, confusing to some. Hard to rate accurately.

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