When first I started diving, my Instructor said to me
Watch out for the following when diving in the sea
For if you go down deep enough you can get bone necrosis
Embolism squeeze and bends and nitrogen narcosis


So I was always careful as in every thing I do
Never working hard at depth, creating CO2
And watched my deeper diving was in very tiny doses,
And watched for bends and watched for squeeze and nitrogen narcosis

But then one day I got caught out while reaching for a cray,
Down at ninety metres all my air had gone away,
So now I'm in the "chamber" with a terrible prognosis
Embolism squeeze and bends and nitrogen narcosis

My legs are in a reef knot and my toes are in my ears,
And every time I cough or sneeze my eyes fill up with tears,
That's how I came to write this song,my diving magnum opus,
Of embolism squeexe and bends, and nitrogen narcosis