Get up in the morning, to shave me leg fur.
Close encounters with a hairy bi-ped.
Oh-oh, a grizzly sight.

Gradually it’s dawning how much I bled fer,
Those shaving papers really reflect the light.
Oh-oh, spray tans gone white.

Electrical razor’s packed up and it peeves me.
The wax and Veet cream is no-where to be seen.
Oh-oh, this razors shite.

Skin’s looking red, the top layers gone.
How did I end up with such a raw hide?
Oh-oh, me skin’s on fire.

Stings when I rub in after-shave balm.
Feels more like napalm, I think with alarm.
Oh-oh, had such a fright.

Ever since I shaved this morning, need some big pants. Huh!
Me chopped liver thighs are really starting to bite.
Oh-oh, me thongs too tight.