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Song Parodies -> "Requiem For The Cabbage Patch Doll"

Original Song Title:

"I Feel Like I'm Fixin' To Die Rag"

Original Performer:

Country Joe & The Fish

Parody Song Title:

"Requiem For The Cabbage Patch Doll"

Parody Written by:

David Chrenko

The Lyrics

The Cabbage Patch Doll phenomenon happened over 20 years ago, and paved the way for other peer pressure icons, such as Air Jordans and Beanie Babies. This is sort of an ode to conformity run amok.
Well I remember the good ol' days,
Cabbage Patch Dolls were a sudden craze.
At Toys R Us all across the land,
Here and yonder, all the stores were jammed.
We fought off the crowd - and grabbed us a doll,
We'd riot daily at the mall.

And it's 1-2-3 - What were we fighting for?
Don't ask me, I don't have a clue.
Those dolls were ugly, too.
Now there's 5-6-7 - jammed in the Goodwill bin.
Well, things ain't the same as yesterday.
Oy vay! Ya Can't give 'em away.

We knocked down folks who moved too slow,
Wild grannies were losin' their support hose.
They were beatin' off anyone who got in their way,
Swingin' handbags filled with Oil of Olay.
It took several stock clerks to drag 'em away.
Made the 6 o'clock news that day.

And it's 1-2-3 - What were we fighting for?
Mass produced to meet demand,
Black market - Viet Nam.
And it's 5-6-7 - Ten dollar bills plus tax.
Were they cool ? - And how! . . . Cabbage Patch Dolls, Wow!
Oy vay! But who wants 'em today?

There was pandemonium across the land.
Those Cabbage Patch Dolls were getting banned.
The President said, "It's outa control!"
"My staff can't find me a Cabbage Patch Doll!"
Kids would get mugged on their very own block,
Bringin' home just a Cabbage Patch box.

And it's 1-2-3 - What were we fightin' for.
Don't ask me - I don't wanna tell,
Why we wanted the Doll From Hell!
It was 5-6-7 - billion they sold that year.
Well, there ain't no rhyme or reason why.
Oh my - I think they all died!

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User Comments

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Rick D - January 12, 2004 - Report this comment
You need to add a little domestic violence to this to really make it funny. Now there's humor!
David Chrenko - January 12, 2004 - Report this comment
Rick, I'll give you such a smack! LOL
Absolutely Write - January 12, 2004 - Report this comment
And it's 1 - 2 - 3 what are we voting for? 5-5-5.
Claude Prez - January 14, 2004 - Report this comment
Gimme an F! Gimme an I! Gimme a V! Gimme an E!
Paul Robinson - January 15, 2004 - Report this comment
David C. - Now this is really a "niche" song; readers have to be old enough to know the original, not have consumed enough hallucinatory-inducing substances to have completely erased their memories, have a computer, know how to log into a web site, and....and...uhh...damn....Uhh. Well, anyway, I fit at least half those categories, although I'm not sure which ones, so I'm qualified to vote. 5-5-5. I was trying to think if there was a "Rice Paddy Patch" quip that would work, I don't think I could say it even if there was.

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