Well I remember the good ol' days,
Cabbage Patch Dolls were a sudden craze.
At Toys R Us all across the land,
Here and yonder, all the stores were jammed.
We fought off the crowd - and grabbed us a doll,
We'd riot daily at the mall.

And it's 1-2-3 - What were we fighting for?
Don't ask me, I don't have a clue.
Those dolls were ugly, too.
Now there's 5-6-7 - jammed in the Goodwill bin.
Well, things ain't the same as yesterday.
Oy vay! Ya Can't give 'em away.

We knocked down folks who moved too slow,
Wild grannies were losin' their support hose.
They were beatin' off anyone who got in their way,
Swingin' handbags filled with Oil of Olay.
It took several stock clerks to drag 'em away.
Made the 6 o'clock news that day.

And it's 1-2-3 - What were we fighting for?
Mass produced to meet demand,
Black market - Viet Nam.
And it's 5-6-7 - Ten dollar bills plus tax.
Were they cool ? - And how! . . . Cabbage Patch Dolls, Wow!
Oy vay! But who wants 'em today?

There was pandemonium across the land.
Those Cabbage Patch Dolls were getting banned.
The President said, "It's outa control!"
"My staff can't find me a Cabbage Patch Doll!"
Kids would get mugged on their very own block,
Bringin' home just a Cabbage Patch box.

And it's 1-2-3 - What were we fightin' for.
Don't ask me - I don't wanna tell,
Why we wanted the Doll From Hell!
It was 5-6-7 - billion they sold that year.
Well, there ain't no rhyme or reason why.
Oh my - I think they all died!