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Song Parodies -> "I Did Not Help Jerry Polka"

Original Song Title:

"I Was Not A Nazi Polka"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Chad Mitchell Trio

Parody Song Title:

"I Did Not Help Jerry Polka"

Parody Written by:

Hu's On First

The Lyrics

Just how many people are culpable in covering up Sandusky's crimes?
As you travel through the Penn State campus
A melody will greet your ear
It's a melody that's been around at Penn State
For just about half of a year

Every Penn alumnus dances to the strain
Of the I Did Not Help Jerry polka
Faculty as well; they all join in the refrain
Of the I Did Not Help Jerry polka

No one knew Sandusky was doing what he did
Sing the I Did Not Help Jerry polka
We all thought that he just liked hanging out with kids
Sing the I Did Not Help Jerry polka

Oh Penn State is a school where we have integrity
We have a sense of honor, grace and poise
For years no one on campus could have had any idea
That the assistant football coach was groping little boys

I'd never help a pedo or cover up his crimes
Sing the I Did Not Help Jerry polka
Sing the I Did Not Help Jerry polka
Sing the I Did Not Help Jerry polka

Were you not a JoePa fan? I was not a JoePa fan
I Did Not Help Jerry polka
Didn't you think Spanier great? I did not think Spanier great
I Did Not Help Jerry polka
Did you not read his book, "Touched"*? I did not read his book, "Touched"
I Did Not Help Jerry polka
Did you work at Second Mile? -- I did not, Second what?
Second what? -- Ja, Second what?
Bob, you're putting me on.
No, I'm not kidding you. Second what?
Second Mile.
Should I know it? Is it a movie?
You don't remember?
Nein, I don't remember it. What was it?
Well....

Ol' Jerry had a charity, 'twas called Second Mile
That was way back before they found he was a pedophile
Helped boys and girls, orphans, supposedly at least
But really 'twas so with boys he could make the one-backed beast

He's the one that took those little boys into the showers
And then he'd write to them love lettters that went on for hours
He once said to a young boy, whispered in his ear
"Today the end zone, tonight your rear! Tonight your rear! Tonight your rear! Tonight your rear!"

To all of Jerry's victims let us raise a toast
Sing the I Did Not Help Jerry polka
Someone might have helped the cover up, one or two at most
Sing the I Did Not Help Jerry polka

We never like that Jerry, not from the very start
That's something all news articles should tell
We hated Joe Paterno and Graham Spanier too
We believe that every ped should go to hell, hell, hell, hail, hail, hail, Hail JoePa, Hail JoePa, Hail JoePa!

Penn State is a college where children need not fear
Sing the I Did Not Help Jerry polka
On the Penn State campus, they need not watch their rears
Sing the I Did not Help Jerry polka

Wait a minute, you're not singing! Why are you not singing? Tell me, you go to Penn State, don't you? Sing
Sing the I Did Not Help Jerry polka
We're TOUCHED!
* Jerry Sandusky's autobiography had the disturbing title "Touched: The Jerry Sandusky Story".

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Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 3

Voting Breakdown

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User Comments

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2Eagle - September 03, 2012 - Report this comment
You know your subject well - good job.

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