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Song Parodies -> "Gee, You amiwriters (from Web Site Story)"

Original Song Title:

"Gee, Officer Krupke"

Original Performer:

Cast of West Side Story

Parody Song Title:

"Gee, You amiwriters (from Web Site Story)"

Parody Written by:

Old Man Ribber

The Lyrics

In 1936, after his musical works were denounced by Stalin's commisars of culture, composer Dmitri Shostakovich unveiled his Fifth Symphony. He subtitled it "A Soviet artist's reply to just criticism", and (although I love it) he played it safe...nothing adventurous, innovative, or controversial. Seventy-five years later, I find my own humble works (certainly my scoring, character, and parodies) under attack as well. This song I subtitle "A fledgling amiwriter's reply to just some criticism". I WILL be OS more demanding than "one stanza of Edelweiss"! Is this the "gem" I've made from "rooting around in a mound of shite"? Yes...and this time it's a "blood" diamond!

(Solo writer:) Dear.....Site Boss Mr. Chucky: You know we love this site.
We feel so very lucky to have our amiright.
But now it's gone bazonkers! The scores are way too high.
Chucky - fix it - or our doom is nigh!

(Writer chorus:) Gee, Site Guru Chucky - we're having a fit
'Cause folks are getting good scores for stuff we think is sh*t!
We're getting as mad as a rain-soaked bee hive.
Only our songs should rate a "five"!

(Solo:) Man alive!

(Chorus:) Man alive! Stop this jive for the folks who strive
To create each song that rates a "five".

(Authoritative voice:) That's a legitimate grievance.
(Solo:) Lemme put it all over the site!
(Authoritative voice:) Just put it in a song, okay?

(Solo:) Dear........lesser amiwriters: You're falling in a trap.
You're such a bunch of blighters. Stop giving "fives" to crap!
We don't want your opinions! It's obvious you're blind!
Old Man Ribber - Get out! You're too kind!

(OMR:) What???
Dear amiwriters: Why just pick on me?
I'm not out to destroy our site, just give sympathy.
You're calling me filth for my too-gen'rous score.
You've called me an affection whore!

(Solo:) And lots more!

(Chorus:) You're a bore! Write no more! Your tripe makes us sore!
You're a low-down damn affection whore!

(OMR:) Well, if that's how you really feel, I'll take my ;D and hit the road.
(Solo:) Hey! That stupid Toad has hit the road!
(OMR:) Now THAT would be a bad line even for me. So what's next?

(Solo:) It's.....time to change the format of how we rate each song.
The system is a door mat. It's why the scoring's wrong.
The caption of "How Funny" sometimes ain't appropos.
Give us something that will save the show!

(Site designer:) Right!
Here is an option that you might peruse:
For "Funny" write in "Clever". That's the term you should use.
Your current event songs will now hit the mark
And fit although your song is dark!

(Solo:) That's the spark!

(Chorus:) We'll be dark! We'll use snark! It will be a lark!
And our dark snark will still hit the mark!

(Site designer:) Changing the scoring format will not only keep the riff-raff off of the site,
but also will allow for the retention of top scores for the truly deserving.
(Solo:) Hey! Our new system will really diss 'em!
(Enlightened contributor:) So, I guess that solves everything, right?

(Solo:) We' off all the losers. We've got a scale that fits.
We've silenced the effusers, but not gained many hits.
This isn't what we figured. It's not what we had planned.
What's still out there that we haven't banned?

(Enlightened contributor:) DUH!
All you enforcers - one thing's still the same:
The fellow who gives auto-ones and won't sign his name.
And if there is no Old Man Ribber to burn,
Sooner or later, it's YOUR turn!

(Solo:) It's OUR Turn???

(Chorus:) 'Though we spurn scores unearn(ed), we are shocked to learn
That with Ribber gone 'twill be our turn!

(First soloist:) The problem's high score givers!
(Second soloist:) The problem's in the scale!
(Third soloist:) The problem's Old Man Ribber's!
(Fourth soloist:) The problem's in e-mail!
(Fifth soloist:) The problem's in the heavens! The stars have lost their course!
(Authoritative voice:) All the woes aren't from a single source!

(Chorus:) Hey Site Master Chucky: I'm really a fan.
(OMR:) But all your problems won't end with an Old Ribber ban.
So listen up, buddies. I won't say it twice.
Gee, you amiwriters - BE NICE!

Now...if you've honestly read this, you've seen some agreement with discussed proposals and rational ideas. For the first time ever, I'm not checking the "comments box". I have no desire to debate publicly the ins and outs of every line that I've written...this time (and maybe only this time). I'm certain that you will express your disapproval with triple scores of ones or your appreciation with fours or better. And if you fault the pacing and rhyme, then you have proven my point!

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.6
How Funny: 4.4
Overall Rating: 4.3

Total Votes: 14

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 2   0
 3   0
 4   1
 5   12

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