Hey, Mr. Tidy-Bowl Man, clean the can for me
It is reeking and it's not something I want to do
Say, Mr. Tidy-Bowl Man, lend a hand to me
Swab the toilet; I would like to see the porcelain gleam

Though I know that last night's dinner left skid-marks in the bowl
Had sh*t running out my hole
'Cause diarrhea can be very disconcerting
And when I tried to pass some pee, I found that I must hold
doo-doo almost touched my pole
Just the thought of that sure interrupts my streaming

Hey, Mr. Tidy-Bowl Man, clean the can for me
It is reeking and it's not something I want to do
Say, Mr. Tidy-Bowl Man, lend a hand to me
Swab the toilet; I would like to see the porcelain gleam

I don't care to think no further 'bout that nasty, caked-on sh*t
It just makes no sense to trip, tried to clean it; almost flipped
My nose it caught a whiff; that made my eyes tear up -
I find I'm vomiting
It isn't that I just don't care; that just is not the case
I don't like to clean up waste; if you clean it I will pay
I promise I'll be generous

Say, Mr. Tidy-Bowl Man, please do this for me
I am freaking 'cause it's not something I want to do
Hey, Mr. Tidy-Bowl Man sh*t scrubbin's not for me
When you finish please make sure you leave the toilet brush clean

Though you might hear farting, gasps and moaning when I have the runs
I can tell you it's no fun; seems like I have sh*t a ton
Now my butt's so sore I do not feel like wiping
And though I feel some traces of crap between my thighs
At this time I'm of no mind to wipe more on my behind
That would cause my teeth to grind; and so no more I'll be wiping
because it's chaffing

Say, Mr. Tidy-Bowl Man, clean the can for me
It is reeking and it's not something I want to do
Hey, Mr. Tidy-Bowl Man, lend a hand to me
Swab the toilet; I would like to see the porcelain gleam

Now everything is smearing around the edge of my behind
Feel's like that it's ruined this time; it hurts so bad that I grieve
It's caused shaking in my knees; and it's hurting like a bitch
So I launch a twisted screech now in my sorrow
I've messed my pants and now I cry; I wish I had clean briefs
I don't have a pair with me; so I'm stuck in these bunged-pants
This is making me irate, leaving stains upon my shorts
Sure hope these runs go away before tomorrow

Say, Mr. Tidy-Bowl Man, clean the can for me
I am freaking 'cause it's not something I want to do
Say, Mr. Tidy-Bowl Man, please do this for me
When you finish please make sure you leave the toilet brush clean