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Song Parodies -> "Blow The Nation's Nose"

Original Song Title:

"Desolation Row"

Original Performer:

Bob Dylan

Parody Song Title:

"Blow The Nation's Nose"

Parody Written by:

The Comedian

The Lyrics

They're selling influence in Congress
They're locking the seaports down
The HMO's are all filled with salesmen
They jerk us all around
Here comes T. Heinz' dear Senator
They've taught him how to dance
This man has tried to be light-hope talker
And not the new King of France
And the diet squad lost Atkins
They need some more carbos
As Ralph Nader holds his hanky out
To blow the nation's nose

Barbarella, Jane Fonda's best role
"I still ain't no commie," she smiles
And puts her cash in her best stock tips
Martha Stewart style
And in comes The Apprentice, who's moaning
"I deserve this job, I believe"
And The Donald says, "You're on the wrong show, my friend
You're fired, leave!"
And the only crap that's left
To watch on network TV shows
Is 60 Minutes' gray-haired guys
Who blow the nation's nose

Now the fuel is costing millions
The cars are beginning to die
The fuel-oil-selling Saudis
Have even shaken all their oil wells dry
All except for Exxon/Mobil
And the oil men of Dallas fame
Everybody is making bucks
Without a shred of shame
And the Good Samaritan, he's worried
His lawyer says to bypass those
Who take a beating on the roadside as
They blow the nation's nose

Cows are feelin' a bit 'neath the weather
Heifers they feel so much pain
Now the twenty-second one's died
She'd already lost her poor brain
To her, death was quite psychotic
She tried to do her best
Her necropsy's last incision
Explained all her lifelessness
And though McDonald's burger-kings
Sponsored half-time shows
They spend their dimes seeking how
To blow the nation's nose

Actress, disgusted with her goods
Got her mammaries pumped with gunk
Cash she paid an' showered her gold
On doctors, who inject junk
They looked so unnaturally bulbous
As she showed off her new set
Then she went off making movies
And exciting each man she met
Now you might cringe if you look at her
But she was famous long ago
For helping each man in America
To blow the nation's nose

Dr. Ruth, she keeps her world
Inside of her weathered grin
And all her sex-stressed patients
They're trying to stick it in
Now her nurse, Nevada Madam,
She's in charge of the Glorious Hole
And she also keeps the cards that read
"Have Sex Please as Your Goal"
They all play The Johnson Trumpet
And that Trumpet blows
As they patriotically give head
And blow the nation's nose

Down on Broadway they've raised the curtain
They're wearing tuxes and white gloves
"The Phantom Of The Opera"
A perfect metaphor of love
They're spoonfeeding television
To get us to shop in our sleep
We'll be brainwashed with subliminals
After following them like sheep
And the Phantom's shouting symbolically
"Look at my mask - get one of those!
Or you'll lose your privacy to the politicians
Who blow the nation's nose!"

Now at midnight all the voters
Up in little Dixville Notch
Come to The Balsam's Ballot Room
And have a shot of scotch
Then they hand them all their ballot cards
And they step to the machine
And slap the slot so proudly
And cast their vote so clean
They're so proud of this moment
They all wear their finest clothes
Cynics call it political theatrics
That blow the nation's nose

Raise fees for autos' octane
The gas goes on sale at dawn
And every driver's hoping
The gas won't be gone
And Saruman and the Dark Lord Sauron
Scheming high in their Two Towers
While the Elven singers laugh at them
And Gollum seeks dark powers
We drive our cars to movie screens
And watch the Tolkien show
We get bread and circuses from Caesar
And blow the nation's nose

Yes, I received your message yesterday
(About the time my hard disk crashed)
When you asked if I'd stopped drinking
Did you think I was smashed?
All these headlines that I mentioned
Oh Lord help me, such bad news
Christians, Hindus, Buddhists and Muslims
Agnostics, Atheists and Jews
If we can't live and let live
We'll cry tears like a firehose
And there'll be no one left
To blow the nation's nose

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 



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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.9
How Funny: 4.9
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 8

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 0
 0
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   0
 0
 0
 
 4   1
 1
 0
 
 5   7
 7
 8
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Meriadoc - April 05, 2004 - Report this comment
Let me be the first to congratulate you Johnny, on a job very well done!
martha - April 05, 2004 - Report this comment
Ditto ... very well done and in record time... very clever parody
Johnny D - April 05, 2004 - Report this comment
Thank you, Merry and martha. Ooops, whose vote didn't register ? ;-D
Johnny D - April 05, 2004 - Report this comment
Amazon sample of Desolation Row:
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/clipserve/B00000D9TO001005/0/1 03-9412493-5356647

Desolation Row midi:
http://www.sunncity.com/music/bdylan/DesolationRow.mid

Al­so, Desolation Row mp3:
http://www.scsv.nevada.edu/~rugotzke/MP3/GD19870411I_f_Desolatio n_Row.mp3

Page containing link to Desolation Row mp3:
www.scsv.nevada.edu,,~2281ugotzke,,MP3,,GD19870411I_f_Desolation _Row.mp3/" target="_blank">http://www.mp3raid.com/search/dload/GD19870411I_f_Desolat­ion_Row /http:,,,,www.scsv.nevada.edu,,~2281ugotzke,,MP3,,GD19870411I_f_Desolatio­n _Row.mp3/
Jack Wilson - April 05, 2004 - Report this comment
Great job, Johnny! 555! Boy, you mustve been ambitious or something LOL
Rod Worden - April 05, 2004 - Report this comment
What great work. 5s are not enough.
Rick D - April 05, 2004 - Report this comment
When I heard the challenge from Tim, I started on "Desperation Ho's", and ten minutes later (it seems), you posted a note that said, "Okay I'm done". So I thought I'd wait. Now I'll wait a long time. Warning to everyone on the site: NEVER CHALLENGE JOHNNIE!!!. Okay, now I can say it, funny and clever. (Question to wife...is he always this fast?)
Adagio - April 05, 2004 - Report this comment
Well, my vote registered before the server went down . I would have been the first to congratulate you on a very good job, Johnny, but I'm here anyway. Loved it!!! What a picture of a cross-section of America...I was facinated. 5's
Tim Hall - April 05, 2004 - Report this comment
You have responded very well to the challenge!
Johnny D - April 05, 2004 - Report this comment
Jack: Thanks - ambitious, perhaps - obsessed with meeting the challenge, most definitely!

Rod: You are too kind, thanks so much.

Rick D: Thanks for the review, Highlander (Question to wife...he's not really desperate now, is he?)

Adagio: Thanks, Pat!

Tim: Thank you, Venerable Contest Master, for this opportunity to parody The Great Dylanator.

Rod Worden, Rick Duncan, Tim Hall, and Adagio - if all four of you voted, two of you cast votes that didn't register - maybe they get caught in today's server crash...if you get the chance, please check, and thanks again all!
Meriadoc - April 05, 2004 - Report this comment
I know mine registered, Johnny, because you were at 0 when I first looked and I cast the first one. Or rather, first fives... ;-)
alvin rhodes - April 06, 2004 - Report this comment
brilliant..5s..you're a brave man taking on an eleven minute song
Mari D - April 06, 2004 - Report this comment
I really must listen to that song to fully appreciate this one! It looks great, though. Love the imagery! Hey, my husband's fast, too... um, at writing parodies, of course!
Agrimorfee - April 06, 2004 - Report this comment
Incredible. That's all I can say. (oh, and 555)
Johnny D - April 06, 2004 - Report this comment
Merry: Thanks.

Alvin: Thank you, and nahhh, it wasn't courage...it was MADNESS !!

Mari D: Glad you like the imagery, and glad your hubby's got a slow hand...um, but not at writing parodies, that is!

Agrimorfee: And thank you too for your incredible review!
Royce Miller - April 06, 2004 - Report this comment
I'll have to read this again-one time isn't enough.
2nz - April 06, 2004 - Report this comment
You kept it interesting, I'll give you that. I think the whole double entendre undertone of this song when flying over my head for the most part, but that said this is an excellent and excellently paced parody. Good luck in that tourney thingy
Johnny D - April 06, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks Royce. Thank you, 2nz.

The original lyrics of the original Bob Dylan song "Desolation Row" can be found at the following URL:

http://bobdylan.com/songs/desolation.html
Paul Robinson - April 06, 2004 - Report this comment
Johnny D - I saw this post last night and was too tired and crappy-mooded to try it. But I copied it to a Word Doc, increased the font-size and printed it so I wouldn't forget to read it. Read it first thing this morning - itís a truly incredible piece of work. This stuff must have been on your mind pretty close to the surface for quite a while to have been able to crank this out as quickly as you did. I wish there were someway to get every American to read this. Thank you!
Johnny D - April 07, 2004 - Report this comment
Paul Robinson - you are most welcome - and thank you, sir!
Ripp - April 10, 2004 - Report this comment
How long did it take? I exaggerated on mine...I said it took 5 hours it only took 5 mins LOL
wdh - April 11, 2004 - Report this comment
Wow ........ ........ ........ Double Wow
Ethan - April 11, 2004 - Report this comment
I don't know the original and i'm not sure what the title means but this still looks really impressive
Johnny D - April 11, 2004 - Report this comment
Ripp: I worked on it, off and on, over the course of an afternoon.

wdh: Thanks....Double Thanks!

Ethan: Thanks very much.....the title means many things....it's a multi-purpose metaphor whose possible meanings are suggested by the context of each 12-line verse.
Adagio - April 12, 2004 - Report this comment
Good parody for the competition, Johnny. I know it will do well.
Johnny D - April 12, 2004 - Report this comment
Thank you, Pat.
Rick D - April 12, 2004 - Report this comment
Got my vote.
Johnny D - April 12, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks Highlander.
Peregrin - April 13, 2004 - Report this comment
An excellent work, JD!
Johnny D - April 13, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks very much, Pippin!
Spaff.com - April 14, 2004 - Report this comment
My Dylan familiarity is woefully inadequate, but I'm duly impressed with this as a stand-alone piece - as well as a survey of the emptiness of modern "culture." Great job, Johnny Angle.
John Jenkins - April 21, 2004 - Report this comment
Gesundheit! I agree with Royce - this parody needs to be savored, not quickly skimmed through. A lot of good lines, such as "McDonald's burger-kings." The parody covers a lot of ground, but is tied together with a strong last verse.
martha - April 22, 2004 - Report this comment
Brilliant Johnny you get my vote!!!
Johnny D - April 23, 2004 - Report this comment
Thank you Mighty Spaff, John Jenkins, and martha!
Melhi - May 12, 2004 - Report this comment
'Snot bad, 'snot bad at all!
Johnny D - May 12, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks Melhi (feel free to vote too) !
Melhi - May 13, 2004 - Report this comment
Johnny, the vote count didn't go up with my comment for two reasons -- I went back and made sure I'd commented on all of the SOTM entries after I'd already rated them & such and I had already voted on this one the day it went up, anyway. Sorry I forgot to add "voted earlier." Anyway, I couldn't remember so much as a note of the original when you posted this, but I enjoyed reading your lyric so much that I took the time, that day, to pop in a disc and have a listen, so I could rate it. :)
Johnny D - May 14, 2004 - Report this comment
Wow, thanks for taking the time to compare this parody directly to the original song, Melhi! And thanks for your earlier vote, too! :-)
Claude Prez - May 21, 2004 - Report this comment
Very impressive Johnny; you nearly inspired me to write a "Menstruation Flow", but that's way too much hard work for something that couldn't possibly compare to this.
Johnny D - May 21, 2004 - Report this comment
Claude, thank you, very much, for your very kind words and vote of confidence.
neminem - May 22, 2004 - Report this comment
*doesn't get it.* I'm going to guess that "to blow *'s nose* is some kind of idiom I haven't heard, so I won't ruin your perfect score by giving you a bad score on humor. But I'd give it a 5 on pacing regardless.
Johnny D - May 22, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks neminem.
ABC's OF PARODIES ROUND "B" WINNER - May 24, 2004 - Report this comment
http://inthe00s.com/index.php/topic,25.0
2nz - May 27, 2004 - Report this comment
April SOTM - see above. But reading through, the line, 'You're fired, leave' got me chuckling again.
Spaff.com - May 27, 2004 - Report this comment
I've now listened to "Desolation Row" and have reread this. I'm even more impressed.
Paul Robinson - May 31, 2004 - Report this comment
SOTM - As I said above, every American should read this. Great job!
Johnny D - May 31, 2004 - Report this comment
Thank you, 2nz, Mighty Spaff, and Paul.
Charlie Decker - June 03, 2004 - Report this comment
How could I not have commented on this before? I love this parody, it's one of my all-time favorites.
Johnny D - June 03, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks, Charlie.
ABC's OF PARODIES ROUND "B" GOLD MEDAL - August 25, 2004 - Report this comment
http://www.inthe00s.com/index.php?action=dlattach;topic=3010.0;id=1337;image
john caddick - November 11, 2004 - Report this comment
If any further endorsement were needed! Brilliant all the same.
Spaff.com - March 27, 2005 - Report this comment
I'm only too happy to revisit and revote on this dizzying classic. It blows my mind. And my nose.
Adagio - March 29, 2005 - Report this comment
(ABC 2004 Winners) Still fabulous as I said in my previous comments...5's
Scathe - April 15, 2005 - Report this comment
(ABCfinals)This nation needs to see a doctor soon. Magnificent spoof.
sandra Stahlman - July 09, 2009 - Report this comment
with Dr. Ruth and Saruman both making appearance :) just delightful.
Johnny D - July 10, 2009 - Report this comment
Thanks, sandra!

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