“No matter, now, people,” said Spielberg, “don’t moan –
Tho’ that foamy-mouthed cur and his handler have flown
The caterer’s baker has a dog he will loan.
Cut a check for that breadman’s Spitz, ‘Cheryl,’
And our flick may not flounder (if dog close-ups aren’t shown)
Like the wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald!”

“One might say ‘neritic’” Shallit cried with his pen,
“of this little disaster Will Ferrell’s big in.
I can’t give it more than a none out of ten --
It’s dreck. What a dead end! It’s puerile!
It’s an absolute loser that surely will end
Like the wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald!”

Said the star, “Congressman Dilbeck,” appalled,
“I’m a lecherous lush by pole dancers enthralled
And by the film’s end not a one have I balled --
My schmeckie lacks lead and ´s unvirile.
My image as studly Burt Reynolds will fall
Like the wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald!”

“Oh brother, those mothers!” Mazursky said, “Stand
And attend to these changes our backers demand:
Bob, Alice and Ted, I’m so sorry, you’re canned
I must Shrek to the bed send with Carol
Hoping folks understand and it’s not badly panned
Like the wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald!”

In rhymes wrought with brawn more than brain I’ve here cast
Some riddles in re a few films from the past
Giving clues fully fair (neither hard nor half-assed)
What I’m ’spectin’ but dreadin’ is there’ll
come comments “This work grows worse first verse to last --
It's the wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald!"