There must be some way out of here
Said the plumber to his mate
I've had far too much lager
I'm in a right old state
My ex wife has got my car
My kids are on the steal
I'm risking regurgitation
Of my last Happy Meal.

No need to get excited,
Said the plumber's mate at last,
There are many people
Need a kick up the arse.
If you need a change of scenery
We could jump on a train
Go wreck some social machinery
Before we both go insane.

All along the Romford road
Drinkers kept the view
While the coppers came and went
Yobs and charvers too.
In the western distance
A Rottweiler did growl –
Out-of-towners approaching
And the wind began to howl.