I read the news today oh boy
It seems that Satan has escaped from hell
And though the news was rather sad
Well I just had to laugh
I saw the photograph

I see Saddam now lives in France
And Jacques Chirac is Gay and loves to Prance
They said that Bush is really smart
He solved a Rubix cube
And then went to the moon in a secretive US space craft
They love to turn us on....

I read the news today oh boy
A spaceship landed in Bin Laden's path
And on the other side of Earth
Bin Laden had a cow
His baby wasn't ugly, no I really mean he bore a cow
They love to turn us on....

Wake up, Cause God is dead
But a baby with no head
Managed to be born and felling well,
Slow down, the cops
are shooting folks for speeding now

Find your coat and grab your hat
There's a crazy Psycho bat
Turning your apartment into smoke,
Taking out a gun and shooting folk

I read the news today oh boy
A british fighter plane found on the moon
The biggest mystery of all
The next day it was gone
I wonder how this magazine has any circulation at all
They love to turn us on