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Song Parodies -> "Eat Them Still"

Original Song Title:

"Feel It Still"

Original Performer:

Portugal. The Man

Parody Song Title:

"Eat Them Still"

Parody Written by:

Agrimorfee

The Lyrics

One of the joys of parenting is the Halloween season, wherein you can get tons of candy and need not lift a finger. Your costumed kid does all the work of knocking on the doors, chanting "Trick or Treat!" and "Thank you!", then at home you throw out all of the suspiciously wrapped or crappy materials, then snack on the best of what's remaining after your kid goes to bed. Score!
Can barely control myself
If I chomp too hard, it’s bad for my dental health
It’s time for the payoff post-Halloween
When the candy’s fully revealed

Ooh woo, I already found the Twix now
And then I cached all the Pixie Stix now
Might be older now, but I eat them still
Ooh woo, give Tootsie Pops their licks now
Take me back like I was six, wow
I’m much older now, but I eat them still.

Got another yen to feed
Reeses with the peanut butter, haha, don’t you dare sputter
Got to have those sweets
Now I’m cleaning up my kid’s yield

Ooh woo, blowing bubbles with the gum, now
I’ve been doing this since 19-seven-six now
Gotta get my fill ‘cause I love it still
Oooh woo, Jelly Bellys come up next now
Flavors, like 126, wow!
Might be older but I eat them still

The 3 Musketeers for keeps
(Ooh wow, candy trouble for my kicks now)
Give in to a primal need for snacking
Good stuff, Twizzler ropes and creams
So sticky, good for cavities
I just think my sugar levels are down
(Ooh wow, candy trouble for my kicks now)
Got time to sneak a little package of the Skittles and, oh, Sour Balls!
Save them for me!

(Keep ‘em coming!)
(Keep ‘em coming!)
(Keep ‘em coming!)
(Keep ‘em coming!)
(Keep ‘em coming!)
('Til my teeth turn black!)

Ooh woo, I’m starting to feel sick now
That lovely Hershey’s Kiss can’t be touched to my lips now
Yes I’m older now, and I’m getting ill

Ooh woo, let’s grab some mint Rolaids now
I’ve a feeling like my guts have taken kicks now
I am older now, I have had my fill

Ooh woo, just take the pretzel sticks now
Let him hog it ‘cause he’s only six now
He is younger now, and he’ll get his fill
Don’t wanna take no pill, nor a doctor bill
Copyright 2017, Agrimorfee. (lessee, I thought I saw a Smarties roll somewhere down in the bottom of the bowl...)

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 3.4
How Funny: 3.4
Overall Rating: 3.4

Total Votes: 9

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   3
 3
 3
 
 2   0
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 0
 
 3   1
 1
 1
 
 4   0
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 5   5
 5
 5
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Matthias - November 17, 2017 - Report this comment
Middle of November for a Halloween parody? Why not? If Peter Andersson can do a Christmas song in September lol And another one in October surely November is a good time for Halloween 2.0! Funny stuff here! Great rhymes! Great story! Great nostalgia! Great oogily moogily!
Peter Andersson - November 17, 2017 - Report this comment
When I worked at the ER we used to see an about 555 percent rise in stomach pain and obstipation the week after Halloween - and not just in kids I might add, he-he.
2Eagle - November 17, 2017 - Report this comment
Love that candy corn.
Claude Prez - November 17, 2017 - Report this comment
Sweet! My favorite was when they were too young to know what the good stuff was...ah, memories. Anyway, good stuff here too! Primal need for snacking, indeed.
Below Average Dave - November 17, 2017 - Report this comment
Jelly bellies are the sh*** man, except that popcorn flavored one--among others--but the good flavors---oooooo. Post Halloween parody, rare. Never too old for Halloween
Jeff Reuben - November 18, 2017 - Report this comment
Halloween? I figured this was for Thanksgiving dessert! Loved this as a candy fanatic especially the Twix line, which fit perfectly in the song.

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