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Song Parodies -> "Therapies"

Original Song Title:

"Fireflies"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Owl City

Parody Song Title:

"Therapies"

Parody Written by:

Wendy Christopher

The Lyrics

Hmmm... superhero fans yesterday, New Age enthusiasts today - contrary to appearances, I am not currently on a quest to shed friends and alienate people. Honest!

I wrote this to fit the longer version of the original song
To cure all my maladies
And ten million allergies
I’m going to try New Age therapies
‘Cause my stupid doctor said
My bad health’s all in my head
Well you’ll be sorry doc when I wake up dead

He says I’ve made myself believe
That life is going to kill me
It’s harsh to say that my hypochondria is just extreme
‘Cause I’m a lot more sickly than I seem

Hope I don’t pass on my bugs
With all these New Age group hugs
‘Cause close contact always makes me sneeze
But this touchy-feely fix
Can’t just be for hippie chicks
We’ll have a ball, I might even hug some trees

I’ll try to make myself believe
In stuff that sounds quite kooky
It’s hard to see how it really helps to analyse my dreams
And I felt stupid doing primal screams
(‘Cause they’re quite extreme)

Tried Hopi to help me relax
(They put candles in my ear)
But my ears just filled up with molten wax
(Now I find it hard to hear)
Went on a diet that was detox
(Wish they’d let me bring some beer)
The food tasted like someone stewed my socks

Stuck ten million needle points
In all of my aching joints
I freaked out so that didn’t go so well
My colon was clogged and so
They gave it a rinse although
I won’t tell you how; you really don’t want to know

Still trying to make myself believe
This could be quite good for me
It’s hard to see how some singing whales could really soothe my soul
Because it seems they don’t do rock ‘n’ roll
(And they can’t Rick Roll…)

How can I make myself believe
This stuff’s not kind of flaky?
So far it’s only my bank account that’s looking kind of lean
And read my aura, bet you’ll find it’s green
(A real naïve green…)

I tried to make myself believe
But I don’t feel less crappy
It’s hardly made any diff’rence, now it’s time to take control
So I’ll just take two paracetamol

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Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 7

Voting Breakdown

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User Comments

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AFW - November 22, 2012 - Report this comment
Allergy must be contagious...think I got a code in da doze..just reading this...accurately descriptive, and satirically funny,,Happy Thanks Day
Rob Arndt - November 22, 2012 - Report this comment
Thnx for writing about NA therapies. I am gonna write a highly controversial parody about AUT soon which some people will either find disgusting or informatinve. Auto Urine Therapy has been around for thousands of years and the myths about it are overhyped. Anyway-555!
WarrenB - November 22, 2012 - Report this comment
Been down one of these roads myself.

The wax in my ears had been sticking
So I purchased a candle for wicking
Thought wax it would cure
But claim was manure
My pocket was ripe for their picking.
Wendy Christopher - November 23, 2012 - Report this comment
Thanks for the lovely comments - much appreciated. And hope you all had a great Thanksgiving in the US - some of us Brits probably had a KFC to show solidarity :^)

@Rob: Is that the one where you're supposed to drink your own wee? I'd think I'd have to REALLY ill - and in a desert - in August - before that sounded even remotely like an option for good health!

@Warren: weird too, isn't it, that the more wacky and way-out the therapy seems to be... the more it costs to have it..?
Rob Arndt - November 23, 2012 - Report this comment
Wendy, urine is NOT waste in the true sense- it is 95% water and the rest is beneficial: urea, enxymes, hormones, and antibodies. When you pee your body is getting rid of excess water and in diabetics extra sugar too. Urine can be used internally to settle an upset stomach, ease ulcers, help the kidneys (already processed water), help with depression, and boost disease fighting- some even claim against cancer. Urine is sterile and is antifungal- ANY military will tell you to piss on your feet to kill athlete's foot and when used topically urine can stimulate new hair growth and make hair shine as well as heal skin conditions and even wounds. AUT has been practiced all over the world for thousands of years and is still popular in Europe, Asia, S America, and Africa. In N America people have a problem with it b/c they link it to porn Watersports (formerly golden showers and other perversions). But clinical studies and medical experts agree that light urine consumption seems to ward off illness and topically improves skin. Most AUT drinkers consume 1-3 glasses a day, usually the first morning's urine is the most beneficial. But a man should never drink from a woman and a woman never from a man like in porn. The hormones get messed up. Also, one should be fairly healthy to be a drinker and drink lots of good water, eat fruits and vegatables daily. Meat is OK, but not too much red meat nor smoking, drugs, and other harmful substances or foods. It may sound disgusting but it seems to work. The detractors 99% of the time have never tried and only speculate while 99% of the users and doctors approve in limited amounts. Fact. I am sick badly so I am not a AUT drinker nor user but have tried it. It is an aquired taste nor more gross than poor beer w/o the alcohol. Drinking, smoking, semen ingestion, exotic and dangerous foods, etc... are all aquired tastes. But most choose the dangerous stuff. Urine and semen (latter is protein) ingestion pose no real threats unless someone is infected with a STD in the latter or severley sick in the former. And FYI many seamen that were captured by Arabs and marched across the deserts not only drank their own urine but drank camel urine as well- they preferred the latter! All of this text is not meant to gross anyone out and is for medical information purposes only.
Wendy Christopher - November 23, 2012 - Report this comment
@Rob: I think taste was the main issue for me (I can't even bear the taste of lager!) but even aside from that it's probably out as a health benefit for me anyway - I have a condition similar to type II diabetes that I'm on medication for, and I'm guessing I'd be undoing the work of the meds that way! I'm intrigued by your future parody now though - I'll look out for it :^)
Lifeliver - November 23, 2012 - Report this comment
DKOS so checked it out - catchy song, difficult to pace but you did a great job..Take five of each before bedtime. Interesting essay on AUT, Rob. Didn't know any of that, but I won't put it to the test till I have to.

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