Making fun of music, one song at a time. Since the year 2000.
Check out the two amIright misheard lyrics books including one book devoted to misheard lyrics of the 1980s.
(Toggle Right Side Navigation)

Song Parodies -> "Fondled By The TSA"

Original Song Title:

"Party In The USA"

Original Performer:

Miley Cyrus

Parody Song Title:

"Fondled By The TSA"

Parody Written by:

Jeff Reuben

The Lyrics

TSA: Transportation Security Administration
I head to the airport after work
Flying home for the holidays
Take the shuttle up and find my flight
Guess I'd better check in

Here I am waiting in line
Have all these new security protocols, why?
Are they going to save us?
Or are they all just outrageous?

So are they needed, have my doubts and yes they linger
But I'm hoping to get fingered
That's when the TSA man asked me for my ID
And I showed my boarding pass
And I showed a little sass
Hope I get squeezed on the ass

So I took my shoes off
Placed them on the belt
Put my valuables in a tray
Stretch out my arms like yeah
Spread out my legs like yeah,
Now I got my hands up,
They're patting me down
I think they're gonna grab my…HEY!
Yeah, being fondled by the TSA
Yeah, being fondled by the TSA

Gives new meaning to the friendly skies
Everybody's feeling really loose
I don't mind much while being touched
It's gotta be good for the goose

Didn't know they would be so picky
It made me feel like a got a quickie
I feel a little violated
But I'm no longer constipated

My heart is racin' and I'm just feeling befuddled
I just really want to cuddle
That's when the screener brought my favorite drink
So I took my jacket off
And I took my trousers off
And I took my undies off

Now I'm getting felt up
They play with my schlong
And my privacy flies away
Groping my junk like yeah
Grabbing my stuff like yeah,
Wake Mr. Happy up
While patting me down
Not even gonna have to pay
Yeah, being fondled by the TSA
Yeah, being fondled by the TSA

My strip search ends way too soon (way too soon)
Wish that we could get a room (get a room)
Set the mood while we're in line (we're in line)
They play some Marvin Gaye and I feel alright!

Come on and feel me up
You won't find a bomb
Just don't rub me the wrong way
Shaking my butt like yeah (Oh, shaking my butt)
Gyrate my hips like yeah, (Ooh Yeah)
They feel my D cup
It doesn't take long
You know it really feels ok
Yeah, being fondled by the TSA (Yeah)
Yeah, being fondled by the TSA

So I take my clothes off
A full body scan
You can watch me on the x-ray
Poking my pack like yeah (nodding my head like yeah)
Squeezing my trunk like yeah, (moving my hips like yeah)
Now I'm getting health care
A rectal exam
There's no contraband up there (contraband up there)
Yeah (Yeah), being fondled by the TSA
Yeah (hahaha), being fondled by the TSA (fondled by the TSA!)

Your Vote & Comment Counts

The parody authors spend a lot of time writing parodies for the website and they appreciate feedback in the form of votes and comments. Please take some time to leave a comment below about this parody.

Place Your Vote

Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 

In order for your vote to count, you need to hit the 'Place Your Vote' button.

Voting Results

Pacing: 4.3
How Funny: 4.5
Overall Rating: 4.5

Total Votes: 21

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   3
 2   0
 3   0
 4   3
 5   15

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Matthias - November 24, 2010 - Report this comment
Oh god! Jeff! You and your fetishes... Jeeze! I feel like I wandered onto the wrong website here. not But honestly this was out there. You were able to take this current news story and make it even more insane than it already is.
Peter Andersson - November 24, 2010 - Report this comment
I getta get in on this TSA Gropestapo Division craze, it's such a badass new angle on the old colonoskopy parody genre, or at least close enough for me to wanna grope it while it's hot.

Favorite lines here was the Marvin Gaye one and the whole "Didn't know they would be so picky // It made me feel like a (I?) got a quickie // I feel a little violated // But I'm no longer constipated.
Mark Scotti - November 24, 2010 - Report this comment
Wow!! th TSA is getting more action from the AMIRIGHTERS then swine flu did last year. Great one!!
NorCALvotress - November 24, 2010 - Report this comment
Lord Agree, you and BettyWhite were fondled, but not so fond of, of the TSA !
Arwen - November 24, 2010 - Report this comment
LOL, Jefferoo! As someone who's actually been patted down by the TSA, I can't figure out what all the fuss is about. Not that I enjoyed it...but it wasn't a big deal. THIS, however...I did enjoy...and is the biggest deal of my day! =) Thanks for bringing me out of hiding to check it out! xoxo!
2Eagle - November 24, 2010 - Report this comment
What if you had your own lear jet?
John Barry - November 24, 2010 - Report this comment
Many good lines.
joan - November 25, 2010 - Report this comment
Blaydeman - December 08, 2010 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Good job! You had some great punchlines in there. I especially like the MArvin Gaye reference. Sometimes the pacing would get off though, It didn't flow as well as it could have. Overall, solid work.
Matthias - December 11, 2010 - Report this comment
You already know how I feel about this one. One of the great classic Jeff Reuben parodies that's sure to go down in history although it's based on a news story I'm sure the TSA is going to act like this forever. Makes me never want to travel by plane.
Abbott Skelding - December 11, 2010 - Report this comment
SOTM: As soon as I saw this title I was really mad at myself for not thinking of this excellent opportunity. Great job!
Mark Scotti - December 11, 2010 - Report this comment
(SOTM) I "felt" this one was a winner on last read. Damn TSA. Even Sant can't get past:
Peter Andersson - December 14, 2010 - Report this comment
SOTM - I've already commented on this one (and enjoyed the recording). Marc Scotti's first comment about this being the worst craze here since swine flu is right on target. Nothing to add really, except maybe; how do you manage to get at least one line about underwear into almost every parody? :-)
Jeff Reuben - December 17, 2010 - Report this comment
Peter...the underwear is bordering on an obsession for me, lol!
MadameDeApron - December 17, 2010 - Report this comment
Lord Jeffry, alias The Duke of ~b-V-d~ . . . now does that apply to Aprons, as well, Sir ?
Nala Butt - December 22, 2010 - Report this comment
Nicely done sir. Looking forward to a parody about the backscatter x-ray machines.
Michael Juergens - December 30, 2010 - Report this comment
Done by the right performer (a very ‘cute’ young fellow) this could be a perverse hit. If you like this sort of thing…. I appreciate it much more as a satire of the original brainless song than as a satire of the TSA. Like, how can the TSA be faulted if the victim enjoys it so much?
Below Average Dave - December 30, 2010 - Report this comment
I heard this first on the Dementia Top 20 (Normally I hear your songs first through this site but I guess I missed this one at first. . .) Note to Peter, when fondled is the topic, I'd say underwear fits 'naturally'. . .Jeff, I've been voting for this one over on the MMA since I heard it (though with all but one recording of yours I can say the same thing (see Christmas Contest), so obviously I liked it a lot. . .but this one was well timed, even if I don't see the TSA or the Original song as negatively as many others, I do feel there is a problem when we get to the point that we have to do full body searches at Airports because the terrorists have become that effective--but the fact that you could turn it into an opportunity for a smash parody is just awesome
bobpiecheese - December 30, 2010 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Now here's a man who takes advantage of a bad situation. Probably not the way anyone was expecting, but still. 555 searches for you!
Max Power - February 23, 2016 - Report this comment
It's a touchy subject then and it's a touchy subject now ;)
bobpiecheese - February 23, 2016 - Report this comment
(Artistry) See above! Like, right above!
Agrimorfee - February 24, 2016 - Report this comment
Pushed a little towards whatfreaks territory for me, but still funny. Like, yeah.
Abbott Skelding - February 24, 2016 - Report this comment
Can't believe I haven't read this one before. Very funny stuff in this excellent piece of parody. Loved the Marvin Gaye line as well as the "constipated" line...great work!
Blaydeman - February 25, 2016 - Report this comment
(Artistry) Still one of my favorites I've ever read in this site. The pacing stumbles are still there, but so is the immense amount of hilarity. Love love love this!

The author of the parody has authorized comments, and wants YOUR feedback.

Link To This Page

The address of this page is: For help, see the examples of how to link to this page.

This is view # 1859