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Song Parodies -> "Men Can't Shop"

Original Song Title:

"We Can't Stop"

Original Performer:

Miley Cyrus

Parody Song Title:

"Men Can't Shop"

Parody Written by:

Matthias

The Lyrics

For some reason commercials think that men can't do a damn thing like shopping or even noticing anything healthy like yogurt in the fridge while I as a man know that I am perfectly capable of shopping this goes out to all those fake men who would rather buy potato chips instead of potatoes. Also I don't think that all women should be thin in fact I like chubby girls but the character of this tale is extremely fickle and thus the story unfolds...
[HUSBAND]:
When we're shopping all your food we forgot (No tuna?!)
(Uh-Oh) When we're shopping our brains have turned to rot (You idiot!)
(Uh-Oh) When we're shopping our heads are filled with snot
(Uh-oh) That's why each time we fought
Cause we can't just do squat
(Uh-oh)

Send us shopping and we know you will taunt
(Uh-oh) We just bought buns but you wanted croissants
(Uh-oh) You made a list with some extra large font
But guys aren't that savant
Grocery bags we will flaunt
(Uh-oh)

[WIFE]:
Send you to go shopping we will not dare (Ugh!)
Yank out our hair till our head's bare (Ugh!)
Men are lame cause you left a ton out
(Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong)
Won't forget the beer but there's no trout (Ugh!)

Said don't bring candy to this home (Ugh!)
So you bought some Rolos?! (Ugh!)
Now the kids are up all night!!!
(Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong)
You can't do a thing right, That's right

No caviar and brie but here's some spray cheese
Men do this folly and back out the door we'll trot
Why is my spouse dumb as a mule?!
Cause men can't shop (Uh-oh) And they won't shop (Uh-oh)
Can't we see to thee Publix just bites?!
Must it be just we who must waste our time?!
Cause men can't shop (Uh-oh) And they won't shop (Uh-oh)
We buy things, Things that we need
Men go shopping and it's shoddy
No, no

[HUSBAND]:
We go shopping with the munchies from pot
(Uh-oh) We go shopping cause they gave us a shot
(Uh-oh) We go shopping and their arteries clot
(Uh-oh) Cause we bought a whole lot
Of chips that we want
(No, No)

[WIFE]:
To my housewives here with the big lugs (Ugh!)
Bacon fix cause our men bought a ton (Ugh!)
We sent them out for Cod, Obnoxious
I see a pattern, Fish must make him nauseous

To every brand new bride who's got her groom (Ugh!)
You will chomp down pies and that fried food (Ugh!)
Yes, You might throw up, Dear
Sipping beer cups
No, no, no, no

So it's plain to see, Guys can't do shopping
Filling that trolley up with a whole bunch of junk
Squeeze in your blouse that was once huge
Cause men can't shop (Uh-oh) And they won't shop (Uh-oh)
Corn nuts aren't the same thing as corn, guys!
This is what we get when we're your wives!
Cause men can't shop (Uh-oh) And they won't shop (Uh-oh)
We buy things, Things that we need
When men shop we will get flabby
Damn, damn

When we're shopping we'll buy what we don't got
(Uh-oh) When we're shopping make a list that we'll jot
(Uh-oh) When we're shopping we'll make sure we stay hot
(Uh-oh) Won't buy those Dippin Dots
To rid pounds we have fought
(No, no)

Men go shopping since we have tied the knot, true
We need milk not twelve case of Yoohoo
Bought Ding Dongs but you left out the Tofu
It's my mouth and I want Lean Cuisine stew
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah

Cause men can't shop (Uh-oh) and they won't shop (Uh-oh)
We buy things, Things that we need
Your things will wreck our bodies
Flab, flab, flab, flab
Uh-oh, Uh-oh
Flab

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 3.9
How Funny: 3.4
Overall Rating: 3.7

Total Votes: 11

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
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 2   0
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 3   0
 1
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 4   0
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 5   8
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User Comments

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Peter Andersson - September 08, 2014 - Report this comment
555. I can shop too but I've learned not to so that I don't have to, for an experienced older guy like me it's tactic you see; miss something important and you won't be asked again, and drop some of her favorite china while doing the dishes and you won't be asked again, also accidentally miscolour one of here favorite white clothes and you're out of the boring laundry duty too.

And don't think for a minute that it doesn't work the other way around too; that's why girls take themselves out of 50-50 driving duty by accidentally scratching your car, why they are too weak to hold screaming kids down for vaccination shots or dental examinations, and why their mothers always need a sudden sickness visit just the day before you are to start repainting the exterior of the house and she's supposed to help.
Jonathan - September 08, 2014 - Report this comment
good parody bad OS 5's
Max Power - February 22, 2016 - Report this comment
Don't forget the media seem to partake in male shaming lately, I mean WTF? The All State commercial made me want to punch someone in the face.
Jeff Reuben - February 23, 2016 - Report this comment
Great job describing my married life shopping!
bobpiecheese - February 23, 2016 - Report this comment
(Artistry) Pretty good parody with some questionable grammar ("can't we see to thee Publix just bites" I mean, what?). Also it would've been cool to have some lines about non-grocery shopping, like how clothes shopping boils down to "yeah, I guess that'll fit". Ah well, too late now. 555!
Agrimorfee - February 24, 2016 - Report this comment
I suppose the questionable grammar is appropriate to the OS.you pulled off a lot of good lines over the repeated choruses/ bridges. I can really relate...I always come home with something extra she didn't tell me to get (usually the clearance aisle)
Abbott Skelding - February 24, 2016 - Report this comment
I like to think of myself as a pretty responsible shopper...that said, I'll always (ALWAYS) grab an Arizona Arnold Palmer to drink on the way home. This as pretty well done and I liked how you used the Miley voice to the wife and the deep voice to the husband. Nice work!
Blaydeman - February 25, 2016 - Report this comment
I liked the switch in perspectives, that was fun to play with. I think it's a solid parody, although I myself had a little trouble follow the pacing well with the weird grammar in parts, but whatevs. Is this parody on sale, because I'm buying!

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