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Song Parodies -> "BISON"

Original Song Title:

"F-BOMB"

Original Performer:

John A. Barry

Parody Song Title:

"BISON"

Parody Written by:

Robert D. Arndt Jr.

The Lyrics

Postwar, Stalin ordered Myasishchev to produce a strategic bomber using German jet engine and wing technologies. The order was given in 1949 and by 1954 the prototype was unveiled. The BISON (US Bomber Codename) aka "Molot" or "Sledgehammer" was a large bomber weighing 352,000 lbs when loaded with a span of 167' and was 155' long. It has a nose radar, ventral bomb radar, and 10x 23mm cannons (8x remote + 2x radar guided in tail). It had swept wings, a large tail, and bomb bay situated between two sets of bicycle main gear. It was powered by 4x Mikulin AM-30 turbojets @ 19,180 lb st each for a speed of 620 mph max, height of almost 56,000 ft, and range of 6600 miles. While this was impressive and formidable for the time, the SAC review overestimated its strategic range badly and so during the Cold War it was a high-priority target that needed interception over the N Pole on its way to nuke the eastern seaboard. Myasishchev initially wanted to develop a 8-engined massive machine, but was denied. Therefore, the four-engine aircraft was roughly 2000 miles short of reaching the US mainland from air bases in their north. Over time the BISON became a maritime aircraft and a tanker, never living up to its nuclear strategic bomber image. When the START talks began, 40 of the bombers were scrapped as part of the deal. The plane was phased out in the 1980s but used as a transport for oversize space loads as redesigned and redesignated VM-T Atlant with split tail, carrying loads piggyback to space facilities. Myasishchev later developed two huge bombers, the M-50 and M-52 to counter US developments but the engine tech fell short. Neither could reach supersonic speed and were scrapped. A single M-50 BOUNDER is in an aviation museum outdoors rotting...
B is for big as it could be,
I’s for intercontinental need,
S’s for sub-sonic speed,
O’s for offense- ten 23s,
N’s for Northern shores, over North Pole and then it scores

Would have been picked-up by SAC’s boards

Bison for vast destruction, with nukes,
Bison on four Mikulins did cruise
Red strategic bomber; lacked long range, could not go farther
Myasishchev (M-4) still bad news

B is for bomb bay, 10 tons, one way
I’s for “interceptor” prey
S’s for strike, at high altitude, from 55k,
O’s for over US mainland targets, in Cold War play,
N’s for nuclear hazards when done; a new World War

The threat- it could not be ignored

Bison was reviewed and seen as shrewd,
Bison’s range estimate was abused
An exaggeration; 2k short to strike the nation
Bison, needed a refuel!

Bison was a threat and yet was crude,
Bison US bombing- couldn’t do
Fear factor still made news, folks upset, gave them the blues
Bison ugly rumors grew

Bison for Tac use—excused…

[Bison with 8 engines, screwed]

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.8
How Funny: 4.8
Overall Rating: 4.8

Total Votes: 18

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
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 2   0
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 3   0
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 4   0
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 5   17
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User Comments

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Tokusou Sentai Blessranger - February 22, 2013 - Report this comment
Drat! I thought it's about one of the Street Fighter characters who is a Shadowloo warlord. Oh well, I'll land a 111-hit Psycho Crusher on this one.
John Barry - February 22, 2013 - Report this comment
Ready for Monday.
Old Man Ribber - February 22, 2013 - Report this comment
Rob - Herd of BISON? Of course I've heard of BISON! Put the scores on the "buffalo bill". ;D
Rob Arndt - February 22, 2013 - Report this comment
M-4 BISON: http://static.rcgroups.net/forums/attachments/6/9/0/6/6/a750769-168-Bison%20Bomber.jpg?d=1141233415 M-50 BOUNDER: http://www.aerospaceweb.org/aircraft/bomber/m50/m50_02.jpg
AFW - February 23, 2013 - Report this comment
You buffaloed me on this...thought it would be animal, not mineral, or vegetable...fine steppins 'bout weapons
Rob Arndt - February 23, 2013 - Report this comment
AFW, for some reason that's what came to mind. The US has a Buffalo Anti-IED vehicle and the Germans have a Wisent AFV too!

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