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Song Parodies -> "Time Crap: Net Craze!"

Original Song Title:

"Dine Crap: Beef? Nay!"

Original Performer:

John A. Barry

Parody Song Title:

"Time Crap: Net Craze!"

Parody Written by:

Robert D. Arndt Jr.

The Lyrics

In the years 2000-2001 a mysterious poster showed up on various Bulletin Boards posting as TimeTraveler_0 and later as JohnTitor. He claimed that he was a US soldier from the year 2036 that had a mission to retrieve an IBM 5100 computer from the year 1975. He expalined that having stopped-over in 2000 that he could warn people of what was coming in the future. Trouble with the 2004 election results, rebellion in 2008 leading to another US civil war and then N-Day in 2015 when Russia sides with the rebels and nukes the AFE (American Federal Empire) along with the EU and China (allies). He made claims of time travel equipment developed by CERN through artificial quantum singularities (art. black holes) and even presented so-called evidence such as document pages from a manual (C204 Time Displacement Unit), pics of the device and it bending light with a gravitational field, a unit patch, and remarks about money changing appearance. The IBM 5100 has a micro-code that enables it to debug PC mainframes, so Titor claimed that was his task b/c the Net was destroyed and that they had to start all over and were having probems associated with UNIX. Millions of his followers became obsessed with his combination of vague and precise details of the future while Titor explained that since there was a multiverse that no paradoxes were possible and that our future might not be his past but a close alternate... ensuring that his details remain unfalsifiable. In our time none of the major events have happened although some things he said have been interpreted as prophetic for our alternate universe such as Israeli action precedes WW3 (the coming attack on Iran's reactor), the military journals new predictions of a possible World War anywhere from 2015-2020, Russia's rebuilding of arms, new currency being developed using a form of electrochromatics, and emergency alternate capitals in event of nuclear destruction of D.C. (Omaha, Neb listed among them) and most importantly CERN's LHC that is attempting to produce an artificial black hole. Although most believe the man was a supreme hoaxer, neither the FBI nor anyone else could track him down. A private detective, Mark Lynch, investigated the Titor Foundation and its founding CEO Larry Haber only to discover that his brother John Rick Haber was a computer expert. So, no real proof and no admission from anyone. Many believe that John Titor IS John Haber but cannot prove it. They claim that some elements of his background story may come from the 1959 fiction novel "Alas, Babylon" by author Pat Frank (same area detail, apocalypse scenario, Tampa, and a nearby Fort). His book of postings with pics and schematics from the Foundation today sells for over $1350!!! It sold-out in less than a year in 2004. A play has been done and anime DVD in Japan. In the US there is talk of a John Titor movie, but the Foundation claims rights. Re: Time Travel itself, there have only been 3 devices built from the early 20th century to mid-20th century that attempted to attain images from the past or to literally go back to the past. Two British scientists developed a machine that pulled images from the past in the early 20th century, but since no one could explain the images, it was determined a hoax. In WW2 Germany tried to build a Zeitmaschine called Die Glocke (The Bell) which is still being investigated and is surrounded by secrecy- billed as the highest technology of WW2 above the A-bomb and taken by SS General Kammler to the US in exchange for immunity. The third device was built by the University of Milan with various scientists on request fron the Vatican. It was called the Chronovisor and is claimed to have been able to pick-up images form the past. It is claimed that Christ was seen on the cross, but that the machine saw other things and was hurriedly dismantled in the 1950s. Other than those, all other claims have been rejected. FYI
From 2036. Item he’d been searchin’,
IBM 5100- (circa) ‘75
With micro-code debugging feature from the past. . .
Needed for post-nuked America to survive

C204 Time Displacement Unit- arrived!!!

In 2000, on BBs he posted his tale
TimeTravel_0, his handle, discussions sparked
Became known as infamous John Titor,
US soldier, Tampa- based there
Manips time and weak minds. . .questions asked
Quantum physics, multiverse, predictions—was smart

Chronological art—but they never matched up!

Time crap: Net phase! Predictions run plain to insane
WW3, capital move. . .US in five parts
Age 13, “Fighting Diamondbacks“, shotguns?—
against AFE firepower?
2015, and N-Day had started
US fall, with a post-apocalyptic start

Told us world destruction was off the charts!!!

Postings from ‘00 to ‘01 painted years dark
FBI in, trace dead, the hoaxer did out-smart
His believers by the millions had searched for more
Titor Foundation published a book not in stores
The books did go, with pics and schematics galore
John Titor had vanished and was heard of no more
Detective Mark Lynch investigated, explored
… was John Haber the mysterious John Titor???

No one knows for sure, multiverse ensures
Details given are unfalsifiable lore…

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 4.9

Total Votes: 17

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

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 2   0
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 3   0
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 4   0
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 5   17
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User Comments

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Rob Arndt - January 15, 2013 - Report this comment
Note: Am no longer participating in this series. This was my last parody of a parody X64. JAB can do what he wants with X65 or keep on with his "Mona Lisa" material.
John Barry - January 15, 2013 - Report this comment
Fun while it lasted, Rob, thanks for getting it started. For me, now, "Mona" is the new "Spell," at least for a spell.
Callmelennie - January 15, 2013 - Report this comment
Giving you three fives, Robert .. not for the song but for the introductory paragraph!! I haven't seen the like since the Thoureau's "Walden"! ... BTW, I tried to track that song parody daisy chain between you and JAB all the way back to the origin -- that is, until my computer crashed. Both of your author pages are too big to load onto my Commodore 64 ;-D
Rob Arndt - January 15, 2013 - Report this comment
Javelina/Stefania/MamaMia/Angelina/Alopecia/Seraphina/Palestrina/Palestina/Galicia/Galaxina/Bandolina/X-Sea Creature/Sexy Teacher/Sexy Preacher/Semple Preacher/Fame Whore Seeker/Shaky Gore Leecher/Armed War Soldier/Arm-Slung Holder/Black Dive Bomber/Wack-Jive Bombast/ Sex-Driven Wild Kat/Ex-Wife's Pile's Fat/Davy Crockett/Wavy Sock-It/Kammler's Gambit/Wascal Wabbit/Lethal Habits/Regal Hat-Tricks/Really Toxic/Pealing Tocsin/SD Salon/Kitty Sal's-On/Pity Hal's Job/Gritty Flash Mob/Gritty Tough Job/Pretty Watch Fob/Pharengeal Jaws/Phar'onic Job/Mechanical Dog/Maundering Blogs/Maurauding Warthogs/Macadam Dog/Foster & Co. TOG/Fossiling Togs/Anti-Tank Dogs/Auntie's Tanked Up/Ghetto Sealed Up/Retched Gross Meal Up/ "Gratch" F*cked Muja's Up/Cratchit Got Sup/Fighting Got Tough/Slicing to Rough/Draghon was Puff/Draggin' and Snuff?/Sealus Scouts were Rough/Mellow or Gruff?/Villers Bocage/Vittles Road-Aged/Killer Speed Phase/Pimple-Squeeze Phase/Pine Gap Deep Maze/Dine Crap: Beef? Nay!/Time Crap: Net Craze!
Rob Arndt - January 15, 2013 - Report this comment
Two spelling mistakes on upper chain: Dragon was Puff & Sealous Scouts were Rough. It's so hard for me to write with excruciating body pain, ulnar neuropathy, and dyslexia setting in... sigh... sorry :(
Lifeliver - January 15, 2013 - Report this comment
Another documentary tour-de-force. I sympathize with your afflictions, but do you think you could manage a few para breaks? It would help to make all that research more digestible.
Callmelennie - January 16, 2013 - Report this comment
Robert, I'm not sure what's more remarkable ... that 64 song parody merry go round you had with JAB or the fact that you'd take the time to list them all for me ;-D

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