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Song Parodies -> "Davy Crockett"

Original Song Title:

"Ex-Wife's Pile's Fat"

Original Performer:

John A. Barry

Parody Song Title:

"Davy Crockett"

Parody Written by:

Robert D. Arndt Jr.

The Lyrics

Parody of a parody X24!!! This one deals with the absurd 1960's development of the Davy Crockett infantry nuke system designed to allow NCO's to make decisions on launching nukes against the Red Horde/Warsaw Pact in Europe should an invasion come! The thinking was that in a surprise attack there would not be enough time to gather sufficient Intel to counter masses of Soviet and WP armor and infantry spilling over the border into W Germany. It would therefore be up to a NCO to launch small W-54 tactical nukes from Jeeps or ground tripod launchers/bazookas out 1-2.5 miles to form a mushroom cloud wall of fire and radiation to halt any aggressive drive West! The danger to the US crews and anyone in that radius was incredible and meant certain death even w/o any wind blowing! The weapon system was named "Davy Crockett" as a last ditch act of desperation, but it was sometimes called "Land Shark" because it made about as much sense as one! Tested in 1962, it was available for around a decade and then removed from inventory in that capacity (the warhead still active for a bit longer for conventional weapons).
Davy Crockett, made for killin’, for hard hittin‘—
infantry-launched short range nuke would make ‘em fry
Easy to stash and then attach—death come calling
A mere 2 mile range ensured that all would die!

(The ultimate sacrifice)

NCO control of launch would be a terror
Armored horde from the East guaranteed him his part
No time for Intelligence to gather:
tac-nuke prepared aimed over there
Fire at will, big nuke kill. . .no small matter
a mushroom cloud wall to behold just ain’t too smart

Escalation response off the charts!

Nuke was absurd; as a weapon; Davy Crockett
Bad Command, for NCO. . .a World War start
It was such a desperation measure
and never funny—Cold War scare
Mobile W-54 nuke we had
Use was shunned; for attack; off Jeep, crude, feared “Land Shark”

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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 9

Voting Breakdown

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    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   9

User Comments

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John Barry - October 24, 2012 - Report this comment
The litany continues.
Patrick - October 24, 2012 - Report this comment
Just watched a PBS show last night about Admiral Vasili Arkhipov, a Soviet submarine fleet commander who stopped his ship's commander from firing a nuclear torpedo at the US fleet blockading Cuba in 1962. That sounds like a similar weapon to the atomic bazooka, guaranteed death to whoever fires it. In the case of Vasili's torpedo, given the political tensions of the time, that would have meant World War III and the end of most of humanity. What sort of mind dreams up this stuff?
AFW - October 24, 2012 - Report this comment
Thought it was going to be about the real Davey, who killed him a bar, when he was only three..I guess you could kill a bunch of bears with this weapon
Rob Arndt - October 24, 2012 - Report this comment
Hey Patrick, in 1964 a rogue Soviet sub tried to nuke Pearl Harbor but a fire started in the missile bay and it sunk under mysterious circumstances- talk about a close WW3 call! And for AFW... sorry, I knew the title would make some people think that. I don't do Westerns that good as that time frame for me would probably be devoted to Prussia ;-)

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