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Song Parodies -> "Beat Him At Church"

Original Song Title:

"Take Me To Church"

Original Performer:

Hozier

Parody Song Title:

"Beat Him At Church"

Parody Written by:

Hu's On First

The Lyrics

Tragically, a 19-year-old boy from New York was beaten to death at his church during a "counseling session" last month. Those who have been arrested in connection with the beating include his own parents and his sister. One of the other members of the church later tried to justify the killing by accusing the boy of having practiced voodoo. Neighbors described the church as a cult whose members were isolated from the surrounding community.
His parents are cruel
Will they giggle at his funeral?
We show rightful disapproval
Hope they're convicted soon, though

If that place was really holy
It's got a weird way of showing
Said he wanted to stop going
Then the punches started throwing

"I want to leave", they heard him say it
His church offers no exit door
Unless you exit from this life first
The only way that you'll be leaving
Is in a bag when you're not breathing
You want to leave, so we'll kill you
Pray you don't go to hell

Amen. Amen. Amen

CHORUS:
They beat him at church!
He cowered like a dog from the force of their fists
He told them his sins and they hit him so swift
Beat him all the way to death
Good God, let us now take your life

CHORUS

"He's a pagan into voodoo
We did what we had to do
That black magic is a taboo"
Like that's any good excuse
To beat a kid dead
What wrong with their heads?

Something evil lives at that place
And I don't think it's God's grace
They're the Cain to his Abel
They've a lot of twisted faithful
They're psychotic
They're demonic
They're a scary lot

CHORUS

CHORUS

They called it a church but's much more like a cult
Now he's gone so young and he had just become an adult
In the violence and gore of that bad hellish scene
How can they be called human
When they act so obscene

CHORUS

CHORUS

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 7

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

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Patrick - November 05, 2015 - Report this comment
There are two basic forms of religion: those who need God's help, and those who think God needs their help. Jesus never said to beat or kill anyone. A simple rule, that if followed, would change the world. Security code for this comment "FKG", which is a good start at describing what I think of the perpetrators of this crime.

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