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Song Parodies -> "Joseph R Biden's Inaugural Address"

Original Song Title:


Original Performer:


Parody Song Title:

"Joseph R Biden's Inaugural Address"

Parody Written by:

Patrick McWilliams

The Lyrics

12:00 Noon. Washington, DC. President Joseph R Biden takes the oath of office. He then turns toward the Mall, gazing upon a sea of socially distanced flags, representing the people who couldn't be there. He is surrounded by an army of soldiers, National Guard troops and police larger than Alexander needed to conquer the Persian Empire (with which we will soon be at war). He begins to speak:
Half of my fellow Americans. In 1933 the only thing we had to fear was fear itself.
Now we have the Covid virus, MAGA hats, flags, old statues, forgotten songs,
things that go bump in the night, pronouns, and the other half of our fellow Americans.

But we shall meet these challenges as we always have,
with panic, paranoia, and incompetence.

I still have a dream. That little Black children and little White children
will continue to segregate from each other at home in front of
computer screens. Wearing masks.

The torch has been passed to a new generation,
and used to burn down Minneapolis, Chicago, Kenosha,
Seattle, Portland, and a thousand other cities.

With malice toward some and grovelling acquiescence to others,
let us strive to prolong this crisis so as not to let it go to waste,
to stifle speech, promote political correctness, coddle the timid
and to secure unto everyone a safe space from any
scary words or ideas.

And, in conclusion, ask not what your country can do for you.
We can't do jack, we're broke.

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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.8
How Funny: 4.8
Overall Rating: 4.8

Total Votes: 110

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   6
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   104

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FDR's Honest Alternate Speech - January 22, 2021 - Report this comment
My fellow Americans, the only thing we have to fear is a crippling, decade-long depression, one in which thousands will die by starvation, riots, or even their own hand. This is the sort of depression that destroys the faith of a people in their nation. The sort of depression that does not make one stronger from the great challenge it brings, but, rather, weaker. Weaker from the hunger. Weaker from the idleness. Weaker from the sight of one’s friends and neighbors unemployed, financially ruined, and driven to an early grave. Weaker from the emotional, physical, and spiritual devastation that will surround us, day after day.

I stand before you today with a message born not of hope, but of despair. Yes, misery awaits us all and there is nothing we can do to avert this grim fate. This economic depression is far too great for any of you to overcome, and there is nothing left for America to do but suffer. All is lost. The situation is hopeless.

Be afraid. For you have very good reason. Banks are closing. Unemployment is at an all-time high and climbing every day. Stocks once worth hundreds of dollars are now worth pennies. Millions of you have lost your life savings in financial institutions you thought were secure but are not.

And, lest you think otherwise, let me assure you right now that this misery will not end any time soon. No, you would be well advised to get used to this unhappy state in which you currently exist, for it will be a very long time, perhaps more than ten years, before your lot in life will finally get better. Most likely, you or someone in your family will die before that time. How will you endure this for so long, you ask? For many of you, the answer to that question is simple: you will not. You will die like a sick street rat in the gutter, penniless and trembling, your clothes torn and your face covered with the filth of the street.

Yes, we as a nation are doomed.
Patrick - January 22, 2021 - Report this comment
FDR in 1933 or JRB in 2021 could have delivered this very speech, unaltered, with equal accuracy. On his first day in office, Joe Biden signed away 40,000+ jobs and our nation's energy independence. We will soon be cast into a war with Iran at the behest of Israel and Saudi Arabia. Free speech, perhaps this site, will be suppressed. Our economy will be placed under the diktat of foreign organizations dedicated to our destruction. There will be another generation of wounded warriors selling blankets on late-night TV ads. Muslim terrorists and Central American social dependents will bring their hate and diseases here across a wide open border with a BIENVENIDOS sign in the sand. The once Almighty Dollar will be printed into oblivion in computer code, we won't even have the paper or wheelbarrow the Weimar Germans had. All legal means of resistance will be taken away. I don't have that many years left and I sure have other desires on how to spend that time. Evil prevails.
F*** you Patrick - January 22, 2021 - Report this comment
Do you even know what you're talking about? JRB will bring us Lightning to the Nations!
F*** you Patrick - January 22, 2021 - Report this comment
Also, I am the King of Cashmere!
Patrick - January 23, 2021 - Report this comment
F***, do you mean Lightning, as in the flash of a nuclear warhead over Tehran? Or Tel Aviv or Riyadh, or both? I am trying to find Cashmere on the map. Or maybe I should look in an upscale boutique. I trust you are keeping warm. As long as AIR stays online, you can look back at this parody in a year and see how much has come true. Oh, by the way, FDR, this is the best and most inciteful comment I have ever received. Thank you. Or should I say, "spasibo"?
CML - January 24, 2021 - Report this comment
Now Patrick, dont let those 65 TUs go to your head. I have it on good authority from whistle blowers deeply embedded inside the Amiright vote counting center that your total may be somewhat inflated ;-D
Lawless Seditious Traitor - January 24, 2021 - Report this comment
Those so-called "whistle blowers" who claim without evidence that the votes are rigged have been laughed out of every court in the land, CML. Only dangerous insurrectionists claim otherwise, which is why they must be censored and deplatformed.
Willow & Madmartigan - January 24, 2021 - Report this comment
"She's really a princess."

"Really? And you're a great sorcerer. And I'm the King of Cashmere."
CML - January 24, 2021 - Report this comment
Seeing as how no court anywhere has taken up the evidence up on the merits, you cant say they have been laughed out of any place. And lets say that an attorney in a sworn affidavit says that 12,500 illegal ballots in Georgia came from underage voters, which is a greater number than the winning margin. Are you saying that this is "no evidence" that Dems stole the election in Georgia? There are ten separate categories of illegal ballots in Georgia which are greater than the winning margin. But once again, no evidence. ..... BTW, if your side is going to talk insurrection, you should take care not to remind soldiers them how much you loathe and despise them, like when you forced 5000 of them to sleep in a DC garage with access to only one toilet. You"re going to need them on your side
Tales from the Memory Hole - January 25, 2021 - Report this comment
"We have put together, I think, the most extensive and inclusive voter fraud organization in the history of American politics."
Patrick - January 26, 2021 - Report this comment
The dead, the illegal, and now, the underaged. I'm sure civics teachers, if there still are such people, hold mock elections in their classrooms to show students how elections work. Now the Democrats are gathering the ballots from the schools and counting them, too. Doesn't surprise me. From what I heard, the Supreme Court refused to hear the evidence for fear that just listening to the Republicans' assertions would have been enough to trigger a real insurrection. I did notice that my vote total is greater than for all the parodies I posted in 2020 combined. I wonder if the Biden camp counted those in their favor, too.

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