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Song Parodies -> "Black Riders Are A Pain"

Original Song Title:

"Set Fire To The Rain"

Original Performer:


Parody Song Title:

"Black Riders Are A Pain"

Parody Written by:

Wendy Christopher

The Lyrics

Filling in an earlier part of the story now: this covers the attack on Weathertop and subsequent fleeing to Rivendell. In the Peter Jackson movie it was Arwen who brought the river flood on the Black Riders; in the book it was actually a male elf called Glorfindel. (It was also Frodo who challenged the Riders to 'come and claim' the ring rather than Arwen; he was still conscious enough to ride Glorfindel's horse on his own at that point. But I'm digressing...) I've left the elf's identity deliberately ambiguous for that reason in this parody - although I reckon Adele's got the presence to handle either role :^)

And here's a link to the original song.

So when you all got tired
And darkness fell, you chose to stay here
In the dark, you lit a big fire
A second breakfast dish of the day here

You said it was wrong
"But just see, Frodo’s asleep
We can’t be too long”
But you got in trouble deep…

Because they spied you too, up on Weathertop Weathertop
And their hunt for you, it will never stop never stop
Nothing you can do, ‘cos they want to win want to win…

Yeah those Black Ri-ders… are a pain
Got to run ‘cos they’re... back again
You should not light a fire when you hide on high mountain terrain… Insane!

Came to slay, it’s true
Frodo vanished ‘fore your eyes
Used the ring, so clever
‘Cept now he could see the Ringwraiths much better…

He had to try, he knew, to defend it defend the ring
But the Nine meant to, try to end it just end this thing
And their blades they drew, and gave him a pincushioning…

Those damn Black Riders… are a pain!
Hurt Fro-do ‘cos they… want him slain
Good job I just dropped by, can’t let Frodo die right here in vain… in vain…
Those Black Riders… are a pain!
But I’ve turned up to take the strain
I’m an elf who will ride with you they won’t try that stuff again… again…

But right now we’re stuck by the Ford
Might yet be caught ‘cos they’re wading over
Please don’t shout, little Frodo oh no sir…
That won’t help, look now they’re gunning for ya’…

And Black Riders… are insane!
But a thought has just hit my brain
Put a spell on the river
And give the Nine a little pain… much pain!
Them Black Riders… were a pain
‘Til they were flushed, rinsed down the drain
Go like hell, and let’s ride Rivendell will fix us up again… again, ohhhh!!!

Let’s go-oo –ohhh!
Help Fro-do…
Ohhhhhh.. ohhh
Let us go…ohhhhh…..ohhhhh!
With Fro-do…..ohhhh…. oh-oh-ohhhhhhh…..ohhhhhh…

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.0
How Funny: 4.0
Overall Rating: 4.0

Total Votes: 4

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   3

User Comments

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Old Man Ribber - January 14, 2013 - Report this comment
Wendy - Come back! To Mordor we will take you! This parody is sharp as a Morgul knife. ;D
Rob Arndt - January 14, 2013 - Report this comment
Not really into this series, but you write good stuff Wendy- 555!!!
AFW - January 14, 2013 - Report this comment
What OMR and Rob said...very good....what is it with this One bird?
Lifeliver - January 14, 2013 - Report this comment
I was impressed with your intro differentiating the film and the book - a tip of the hat to me, perhaps?

It struck me as odd that the Ringwraiths were so menacing in the early part, yet Aragorn could send the whole nine of them packing with a flaming torch. Tolkien makes it clear in the book version that they are terrified of fire, which begs the question why they didn't keep their distance from the hobbits while their fire was lit, kind of like wild animals in the Stone Age.

It's not so obvious why Rivendell had charmed protection from the magic of Sauron, more powerful than the Nazgul. It was partly because Elrond was in possession of one of the Elven rings. Although he dare not actually use it, the fact that he had it kept the dark forces at bay. Galadriel also had one, and Gandalf the other, given to him by the master of the Grey Havens, the Sindar elf Cirdan.

Blah blah. Another great job. I hope it's not interfering with your other commitments. Btw, I gave you a plug in the LOTR thread on the message boards. A few known Tolkien fans seem to be non-active at the moment, notably Glen S, Arwen and Merry & Pippin, but I'm sure they'll catch up with some late hits sooner or later. Have another bunch of fives.
Wendy Christopher - January 15, 2013 - Report this comment
Thanks for all the lovely comments everyone - much appreciated. I actually wasn't expecting to get many views for this one, because I realised - too late, and with much mortification - that I'd left my 'LOTR: OMG!' tag off the title, and so anyone who saw it on the New Entries page and didn't know the concept behind it might have thought I was being horribly racist or something! So thanks to all of those who knew me better enough to give it the benefit of the doubt ;^)

@Rob: then I appreciate your votes all the more for it. LOTR is one of those things you're either into or you're not - and if you're not, no amount of positive PR (i.e. zealous drip-feeding from an enthusiastic parodist ;^D ) will convert. I know this. You should get some sort of 'courage in the face of adversity' award, I feel!

@Lifeliver: haha, you got me! Yes, for a lot of this project I've been in two minds as to whether to 'correct' things that were in the films for my parodies or to just swing with them because they were so commercially successful (and therefore reached more people than the books alone might otherwise have done.) At the moment I seem to be weaving a path between the two. :^) And yes, I must admit at one point I thought "So... if they want to beat the Nazgul they could - just carry a torch around with them then..?" Thanks for the shout on the forum, by the way - I never even knew there was one, I must go and look... :^)

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