Phone call: Hello? I'm at the bar, I'ma call you back. Nah I'm just gonna finish my drink. I'm at the bar yo. Shi... don't be playin with me like that. For real, homey don't play dat. Are you serious? How you know, ooh. You compared it with everything? Damn, I need to call you back, bi**h, I need to call you back...

Everytime I went away I was cheating on my girlfriend
Everytime she called I told her I was just chillin
No, I didn't think it would work
Telling her what was up that skirt
Hand in hand in the Ramada Inn with another woman
Not thinking this "It" could decieve me
So blond, so strong, how could I not see that something was wrong
Thinking about me
And not noticing that "Kelly R." had more chest hair than me
Guess I'm a dumb man
But I think I enjoyed some things I've done
So brace yourself it ain't good, but it would be even worse if I cheated on you with somebody else...

Spoken: Well, at least I wasn't sleeping with your Dad, so listen...

Chorus
These are my confessions
Just when I thought I said all I had to say to get away
I'm thinking I just might be gay
These are my confessions
I was shown what I thought were some boobs
But now I need to tell you who I screwed in my confessions
I'm like Eddie Murphy but not in trouble with the law
Cause under those skirts we didn't know that there were ba...
Now I'm sore
And I'm unsure
So I guess I need to give you part 4 of my confessions

Now this gonna be the hardest thing I think I've ever had to do
Cause I've went from dreaming Britney do thinking about Orlando Bloom
Remember that girl in part 3 told ya'll I was sleeping with
She had more hair than me underneath her armpits
I had no idea she was a dude
But now I kind of like the fact of a guy taming my shrew
Now I'm trying to explain
Cause my girlfriend has a real small brain
I'll have to ask if she has ever seen the Crying Game

Chorus

Baby I'm sorry that you had to find this out
I've crossed the border now I like going down south
And when I'm watching some T.V.
I'm thinking 'bout going on Springer and telling my story and getting paid for it
So I'm looking at my chick
Thinking I should redecorate her place
Got product in my hair
Not a crusty gel but a simple styling paste
She opened up the door and acting like she didn't remember me
I said "Hey honey baby, you won't believe me..."

Chorus

Spoken: This is probably the hardest thing I've ever done
To tell you, the woman I loved
I made out with a dude, and I really liked it
Well it's actually not that hard
I was hoping you didn't want to be with me
I mean, being a switch hitter and all now
Too much Queer Eye I guess
I didn't sleep with your Mom or Dad
Well, actualy I did
Just not in this confession...

Chorus (to the end)