Gotta bear down easy as I let it flow
Though there's a line outside the outhouse,
Of folks who gotta go.
But be patient with me
And hold on to your poop and pee
Don't wanna bear
Down too hard and strain my sphincters
Or I'll get a sore behind.

Moans and groans from the outhouse line
I hear you whine
Just let me take my time
To unload this crap of mine.
Come on now and do your doo doo,
My business is done and it's your turn - I made a poo.

Once I was in trouble
I couldn't move my turd.
It stuck there like a stone
I sat on the seat
And squirmed around while I moaned and groaned
Still it wouldn't move
I heard your whinin' thru the half moon on the door
While I grunt away in agony
I couldn't poop no more.

Moanin' and groanin' in the outhouse line
Eat them beans
They always give you gas
But they make you poop on time.
Fiber gets your ass in gear,
I guarantee you'll always be - regular.

Each day some poo will come
Between those cheeks real fine
And slide out like vaseline
On time at eight fifteen
And come easy everyday
And twice if you're luc - kay.
And speed up the outhouse line
For sure you'll stay
Regular all day
Use preparation H
And take your Fiber Con.

Moanin' and groanin' from the outhouse line
Wait your turn
I won't be takin' long
'Cause I'm regular again.
Go on, dig your own latrine,
Mine is fillin' up with all your crap - I can't squeeze in.