I’m not much of a lender or chancer
But I’ve got a friend who’s a mortgage financer
You could call her a private bank
She’s got half a billion dollars that she’s gonna loan

I’ve got a friend who’s a private bank
She’s got inheritance and stock market deals to thank
Yeah, I know a girl who bought a military tank
To hold up traffic on the highway in the middle of nowhere

I know a girl who’s a mortgage financer
With the forms and the cash, she’s a mortgage financer
She signs and she lends and gets lots of interest
And all of the people pay up

If they don’t pay up
If they don’t pay up (co – er – cion)
All of their toes get cut off (co – er – cion)
If they don’t pay up
If they don’t pay up (co – er – cion)
All of their toes get cut off (co – er – cion)

Can she simply charge more money?
Yes she can, but she won’t
‘Cause she’s cruel and sadistic and she’s not a joke
When it comes to payment, lateness is a crime
So all of your payments better be on time
When my friend had a client that
Tried the Witness Protection Act
He walked out of his office on a Thursday afternoon
And turned up in Bolivia ten weeks later

I know a girl who’s a mortgage financer
With the forms and the cash, she’s a mortgage financer
She signs and she lends and gets lots of interest
And all of the people pay up

If they don’t pay up
If they don’t pay up (co – er – cion)
All of their toes get cut off (co – er – cion)
If they don’t pay up
If they don’t pay up (co – er – cion)
All of their toes get cut off (co – er – cion)