In heels he showed up one day
A dress and panty hoes
Said, "I'm Dick, I'm related to you."
It was my cousin in drag
Along with his wife Lynnette
And she had a full mustache
I tried to make them go home
But they stayed anyway

I'm tryin' to forget that I'm related to you
Pa's a Commie, Ma's a Nazi
And my black aunt's a Jew
And a gopher is my uncle named Bob
And you'll never guess what's made at his job:
Saltshakers
Saltshakers
Saltshakers

Met a girl, I went "Oooo!"
And then I learned what was true
Said, "I'm Wren, I'm related to you."
My sister likes to say "Moo!"
She wears a beard and she is called Drew
I don't think I deserve this
I tried to change my name
I did all that I could just to change it
But my gram was the judge

I'm tryin' to forget that I'm related to you
Pa's a Commie, Ma's a Nazi
And my black aunt's a Jew
And a gopher is my uncle named Bob
And you'll never guess what's made at his job:
Saltshakers
Saltshakers

My mom's a bibliophile
Her dad cannot tell time
His brother likes to spew bile
But he's a good mime

I'm tryin' to forget that I'm related to you
Pa's a Commie, Ma's a Nazi
And my black aunt's a Jew

I'm tryin' to forget that I'm related to you
Pa's a Commie, Ma's a Nazi
And my black aunt's a Jew
And a gopher is my uncle named Bob
And you'll never guess what's made at his job:
Saltshakers
Saltshakers

I'm related to you (Saltshakers)
I'm related to you (Saltshakers)
I'm related to you (Saltshakers)
I'm related to you (Saltshakers)