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Song Parodies -> "Every Tooth Has A Widening Hole"

Original Song Title:

"Every Day Is A Winding Road"

Original Performer:

Sheryl Crow

Parody Song Title:

"Every Tooth Has A Widening Hole"

Parody Written by:

Paul Robinson

The Lyrics

Going to the Dentist has always given me the heebie-jeebies...I finally got comfortable with the most recent one, UNTIL last time I went. I was already a little jumpy because I was going through all sorts of changes with job/family, etc., and he starts to drill and the DAMN novacaine wasn't working yet! So he moves to a tooth on the other side (I needed a few things done), and it's NOT WORKING there yet either. He gave me some more novacaine and said he'd be back in a little bit. Well, I'm shaking at this point, so I got up and told him I didn't think I could handle any work that day - haven't been back since - but I still need the work done. New dentist time, maybe? Anywhere, this parody is a little like that experience.
I got a call from my Dental Hygienist
She said she noticed I had missed appointments twice
She said I should have a check-up and a cleaning
I didn't want to but I took her advice

She said, "Oh, oh...head back and open more
Every tooth has decay! every one has a hole!
You can't delay or they'll all have to go!"

"Every tooth has a gaping hole!
Let me go get the Dentist
There is massive decay inside!
He'll do some root canals and then you'll feel fine"

He told the girl there "give him some ether"
Seemed odd to me, didn't think that was right
He said to me, "Let me go get my pliers"
I said, "Hold on there, I think I'm too uptight"

He said "Don't go. Relax, I'll fix these holes
All these teeth have decay, they have all got a hole
You can't delay or they'll all have to go"

"Every tooth has a rotting hole!
Open up a little wider
You've got massive decay inside!
Let me go get my pliers
Every tooth has a widening hole"
He reached in with his pliers
"There's such massive decay inside"
Wonder if he's a liar; maybe I'm fine

Now I'm eating oatmeal and spaghettini
Sometimes a Slurpee or a soft ice cream cone
Now I'm wondering if all the stuff they said to me
Was really real...or were they telling lies to me?
(Were they telling lies to me?)

"Every tooth has a widening hole"
He leaned in and perspired
"You've got massive decay inside"
He poked around with his pliers
"There are so many gaping holes"
He made it sound really dire
"All your teeth have got gaping holes"
Think he might be a liar; I might be fine

(Every tooth has a widening hole)
(Every tooth has a widening hole)
(Every tooth has a widening hole)

(fading to end)

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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 1

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   1

User Comments

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Bob - March 18, 2004 - Report this comment
Nice parody, except the original came out in the 90s (namely 1996). But I liked it; I give it 5-5-5.
Paul Robinson - March 18, 2004 - Report this comment
Bob - Oops! You know I can remember album release stuff better from the late 60's - early 70's better than I can anything in the last 20 years or so. Thanks.
alvin rhodes - March 18, 2004 - Report this comment
dentists give me the heebie-jeebies, too...nice job....5s
Paul Robinson - March 18, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks, Alvin...This was my first shot at doing a Sheryl Crow song...of course the original lyrics on some of her songs are just about as quirky as anything you could write in a parody.
Michael Pacholek - March 22, 2004 - Report this comment
You really struck a nerve with this one: See "Tooth Bitin' Decay" and "Vicodin." (Shameless plug alert!)
Paul Robinson - March 22, 2004 - Report this comment
Michael P. Thanks. I could use some Vicodin right about now, for some reason my knee is swollen up, I think it's the damn gout. Had it in my Big toe twice but never in the knee. Thought I had changed my diet enough, hadn't had it happen in 2 years. It sucks!
Michael Pacholek - March 23, 2004 - Report this comment
Gout? Oh, Wells. (Baseball inside joke.)
Paul Robinson - March 26, 2004 - Report this comment
Michael P - Yeah, my thoughts precisely (until I got hit with a damned dose of it about 3 or 4 years back). Too much uric acid forms these sharp little crystals in certain joints, most often the big toe, but also can afflict the knee or any other joints. Let me tell you, it HURTS like a BITCH! BIG-TIME -- thought someone had crushed my big toe first time I got hit with it, could not put any weight on it at all...Anti-inflammatory's (like what Shaq takes) gives short-term relief. Diet change is indicated for the long term (reduce or cease alcohol intake - I ceased...cut down on red-meats and shellfish, avoid organ meats, some veggies can help cause it, too - but with me it turns out to have been pretty much the 'hootch' and, meats and shell-fish).

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