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Song Parodies -> "Autotuner"

Original Song Title:

"The Umbrella Song"

Original Performer:

Rihanna

Parody Song Title:

"Autotuner"

Parody Written by:

Wendy Christopher

The Lyrics

This song is, as the title suggests, dedicated to that modern musical 'marvel,' the Autotune. Y'know, that little duff-note-tweaker that all the music bods insist is NOT cheating, because the singer has to be a REALLY GOOD SINGER IN THE FIRST PLACE in order for... um, technology to sort out all their out-of-tune bits - because ONLY REALLY GOOD SINGERS sing out of tune a lot... Confused much? I know I am.
Oh, and I chose this OS to write this parody because it had the right banality vibe for the subject matter - I'm NOT IN ANY WAY trying to insinuate that Rihanna uses autotune, okay? (Before all her legions of fans come to kick my behind!) Cut me some slack here - I had to listen to this blimmin' song god knows how many times to write this... that's punishment enough for anyone! ;^P

Uh-huh uh-huh (No, you sound ‘great’…!)
Uh-huh uh-huh (Just one more time…)
Uh-huh uh-huh (Take three… Action!)
Uh-huh uh-huh

They can’t hold a note
All these girls, and it aint floating my boat
Make a noise like a sick goat
How can I make some bling? That isn’t singin’!
But that aint no excuse for a record producer, I know that
So their cords need tweakin’, and that’s what I’m seekin,’ some tool that’ll do the trick
Sure, it makes them sound a little robotic
At least they isn’t flat

I play the game
I would sell you my soul for fame
Tried out for talent shows
But all I got was no’s
They say my singing blows
That’s how it always goes
Well I beg to disagree
It sounds just fine to me
But I…

Found out I’ve got no sense of timing
So I even suck at miming
Oh the difference that it makes
With computers correcting all my mistakes
Scared that I’d be just a ringer
But now I sound like a singer
Wish I had found out about this sooner
Baby I’m rockin’ this autotuner… uner, uner, yeah, yeah, yeah
Lovin’ this autotuner… uner, uner, yeah, yeah, yeah
Me and my autotuner… uner, uner, yeah, yeah, yeah
Usin’ my autotuner… uner, uner, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, oh yeah…

Wow it’s just… like magical fairy dust
When singers have concrete ears, it’s saved their whole careers
Set the backing track to Play
And then go on holiday
‘Cause they don’t need me, they got a kick-ass PC
That’s why….

All of my songs are million sellers
And I don’t do acapellas
I sound like a robot’s mum
With a touch of a chipmunk on helium
Can’t believe everyone listens
And my fans can’t tell the difference
They all think I am a proper crooner
When the truth is I’m an autotuner… uner, uner, yeah, yeah, yeah
Done on my autotuner… uner, uner, yeah, yeah, yeah
Thanking you autotuner… uner, uner, yeah, yeah, yeah
Lovin’ my autotuner…. uner, uner, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, oh yeah…

And the music honchos say
All good singers sing that way
So leave us be
(Just sit back and watch us strut our stuff)
Not really a cheat so don’t fuss
If those notes aren’t really us
Because…

If you keep asking for perfection
We’ll just use bum note detection
‘Cause it turns an av’rage joe
Into one who can kick the ass of SuBo
It’s a ruse the world can see through
‘Cause we sing like R2-D2
Fakin’ our talent is nothing new, nah -
That’s what we do with our autotuner… uner, uner, yeah, yeah, yeah
Help from our autotuner… uner, uner, yeah, yeah, yeah
Singing with autotuner… uner, uner, yeah, yeah, yeah
Blessin’ our autotuner… uner, uner, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, oh yeah

I’m singing, singing
Well, some call it singing, singing
It’s an assisted noise
Transformer voice
But singing, singing
I’d still call it singing, singing…

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Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 5

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User Comments

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AFW - January 09, 2012 - Report this comment
Didn't know about this high tech recording device...but as you describe it, sounds like you've made a good legitimate bash spoof...good work
Rob Arndt - January 09, 2012 - Report this comment
IIRC, it was MJ that first used HA (Holo-Acoustics) in the studio to enhance his voice. Nice parody- 555!
Rob Arndt - January 09, 2012 - Report this comment
Forgot to add that during WW2 the Germans used their Magnetophone tape player to deceive the Allies of Hitler's location. They only became aware of it when they stumbled upon one of the devices in 1945... even though the tech had been displayed openly in the 1930s along with the German video phone service from one location to another! Hitler was taped and then copies were sent to different cities and broadcast- the Allies listening in falsely assume he was speaking live in these cities. And postwar this magnetic tape was claimed invented by the US as was the transistor (false as a Luftwaffe serviceman came up with the Transistron late in the war). Germans also had a light transmission device for covert communications that baffled the Soviets! This was a light communications transceiver and not lamp light code signalling as in ships at sea. Postwar, this was turned into a W German IR spy communication device that worked against E German Stasi :)
Rebekah Dub - January 09, 2012 - Report this comment
Enjoyed this piece! I found myself laughing while wishing back the golden days where singers actually had to have singing talent to land and sustain record deals. Keep up the good work!
WarrenB - January 09, 2012 - Report this comment
Chipmunk on helium...great line! This was a fun spoof and so true.
Wendy Christopher - January 10, 2012 - Report this comment
Thanks for all the comments, everyone - much appreciated :^)

@AFW: Apparently this technology is now so sophisticated they can even fit it into MICROPHONES, so a performer's voice can be tweaked in real-time even when 'singing' live on stage. (At least, that's what I read recently on the subject... not sure if it's actually true though. I tried to figure out how on earth they could get that to work and had to stop in case my head exploded.)

@Rob: so even HITLER was faking it? Although, compared to his other crimes I guess we could let that one go..!

@Rebekah: I remember those days too... I read somewhere that the lead singer of Maroon 5 routinely uses Autotune now, and although I've never heard anyone say it out loud I'm 99% CERTAIN that Michael Buble does - either that or he really DOES have an accent like Microsoft voice recognition software!
Phil Alexander - January 10, 2012 - Report this comment
Brilliant :-)
Rebekah Dub - January 11, 2012 - Report this comment
I saw a video on YouTube of Justin Bieber trying to perform without Autotune, which could mean that he, too, may have succumbed to it. (It wouldn't surprise me.) Although I'm not Bieber's biggest fan, he sounded somewhat competent without it.

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