You're forty-four,
Signed on the corps,
Bitter and lazy, guard the door,
You deny some shoppers inside,
Hard to restore your sense of pride,

Just out of fright,
You keep me up at night,
You act funny, mean and not too bright,
Just out of fright,
You keep me up at night,
You drive me crazy, your heart is full of spite,
Ban the mall cop tonight,

Maniacal, mystery man,
Pissed off you don't stop cleaning the cans,
You give big fines, to all the guys,
Right now I'm glad that I'm alive,

Just out of fright,
You keep me up at night,
You act funny, mean and not too bright,
Just out of fright,
You keep me up at night,
You drive me crazy, your heart is full of spite,
Ban the mall cop,

There's a store where I am not allowed to go,
That's okay because I don't buy too many snow-globes,
Man your job must really blow,
Oh yeah,

Bay! Bay! Bay! Bay!

Black dressy pants,
Tight blue shirt,
To you loitering's red alert,
But I can't resist,
You look so pissed,
And now you've got me by the wrist...

Just out of fright,
You keep me up at night,
You act funny, mean and not too bright,
Just out of fright,
You keep me up at night,
You drive me crazy, your heart is full of spite,
Just out of fright,
You keep me up at night,
You act funny, mean and not too bright,
Just out of fright,
You keep me up at night,
You drive me crazy, your heart is full of spite,
Ban the mall cop,
Ban the mall cop,
Ban the mall cop tonight,
Tonight,
Oh yeah,
Whoo!