Nine o'clock to the office I trudge again,
There's 8 hours of stress and strain ahead,
Some days I enjoy it but today's a real pain,
Would they miss me if I'd stayed in my bed?

Early retirement! Though I'm 30 the thought of it taunts me,
Pension payouts - when will they begin?

Retire, retire, for leisure I'm yearning,
A spare tyre, spare tyre, I doubtless will grow
Retire, retire, when I've adequate earnings
Golf-course bound I'll go..
Oh for a lay in!!

When I see the oldies wander round my hometown
All day they potter content and carefree
Constipation and haemmaroids cause them to frown
But a fairer tradeoff I never did see

When will I potter? Tend my garden, drink tea, read the papers,
Complain about the youth of today,
Stand in queues and cut pastry with shapers,
And if it rains, at home I'll stay..

Retire, retire, for leisure I'm yearning,
A spare tyre, spare tyre, I doubtless will grow
Retire, retire, when I've adequate earnings
Golf-course bound I'll go..
Oh for a lay in..

And you, with your free bus rides
Get about in the rush hour to rub it in
And that's for what I strive
Of this I am sure, oh retire!

Retire, retire, for leisure I'm yearning,
A spare tyre, spare tyre, I doubtless will grow
Retire, retire, when I've adequate earnings
Golf-course bound I'll go..