My house and garden looks much cheaper
Than you ones all on TV
When is Ground force coming to me?

So I bought some railway sleepers
What can possibly use these for?
Possibly a stylish floor.

The sofas covered in sheets again
Now I'm gonna compete with them.
And I know it'll take some time
To make my garden look sublime

Now I'm looking to change the hall
Open it up so it ain't so small
When I'm done it'll look so fine
I think you'll find
The picture window lets in more sunshine.

But now the parquet looks atrocious
And the varnish just won't dry
I think I'm going to cry

I should have called in Mr. Bowen
He would have done it well
With a subtle dash of style, and a heavy perfumed smell.

Now theirs nowhere to eat again.
The tables smothered with sheets again
And I know it'll take some time
To reclaim this room as mine

Cos at the moment its non descript
Because all of the walls are stripped
I'm gonna paint them a carmine red
Just like I said
When I was talking to myself in bed

It doesn't matter what TV says
There's no accounting for taste
I'm not painting my room with teabags
That's a total waste....

Cos their the ones
With towers of money
Who paint the kitchen a creamy honey
I think ill stick to regular colours in the end...

I've got nowhere to sleep tonight
I feel like in live in s***e
I know it will take a while
But Ill give this room some style

At the time it was icy blue
Now its classed as "Egyptian Ewe"
It's the only paint I could get
A neutral set
Of pine furniture definitely looks best

With Ewe
Some neutral pine
Would do
I'm sure it would look fine
With Ewe
Some Lovely neutral pine
Would do
Would do
Would do.