Song Parodies -> Bad Breath

Original Song Title:

"This Love"

Original Performer:

Maroon 5

  
Parody Song Title:

"Bad Breath"

Parody Written by:

Andrea Huckstep

Taking a break from my One Piece and videogame parodies, I decided to do a parody about some "PEW-mans" over at the workshop who have bad breath and I can't stand to smell them...
I was so tired I did not recognize
The odor burning in his mouth
The anger that controlled my mind
Whispered hell and he got into my seat
Always to return again
But always in my nose

Bad breath has taken its way on me
it smells like shit too many times before
And my nose is breaking in front of me
I have no choice cause I won't sit there anymore

He's tried his best to brush his messy teeth
hate him coming everyday
So hard to keep me sanitized
Kept having breath that smelled like poop
Pretending to smell the same
Then turn around and get near me
(Chorus)


Please get away from me
And please go brush your teeth
And make sure everything's alright
My pressure's in my nose
I wish I had Lysol
Into every inch of you
Because your breath now smells like poo
(Chorus 3x)
Don't even think about copying this, PEW-mans! Anyone who does will be IMMEDIATELY reported to Syndrome or Arlong for punisment!
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Voting Results
Pacing: 3.9
 
How Funny: 3.6
 
Overall Rating: 3.8
 

Total Votes: 10
Voting Breakdown

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Kristof Robertson - May 11, 2005 - Report this comment
Some (hopefully) helpful advice, Andrea. This feels a bit clunky because you've tried to stick too closely to the OS, and sacrificed some opportunity for humour, and occasionally rhyme scheme. I'd like to see you have another go at this, the idea was excellent!! 534
Larry Hensley - May 11, 2005 - Report this comment
Beware.......I haven't used mouthwash today!
2Eagle - May 11, 2005 - Report this comment
You're so poetic.
Andrew Darwitan - May 12, 2005 - Report this comment
343 It's a bit weird, and the pacing... you know.
Dumb Ass Kid - May 12, 2005 - Report this comment
The pacing was alright, I found the humour a bit childish in places and the quality was average 423

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