The only thief I ever knew was living next to me
His roof was torn apart, and his grass was full of pee
He would sit out in his little car and look all at my place
Then one day I looked outside, and looked right at his face
Hes out to get my money, not to get my land
Hes standing with an axe, at my front porch breaking in

Its a criminal who can barely walk
With a 10 pound mini axe
And hes breaking down the door by swing
Cuz he wants my cold hard cash
And he is gonna get in and rob the whole damn thing
Cuz hes out there with his axe
On my front porch breaking in

Now he knocked it down and hes walking in to rob
I hope he falls and dies, man that I pray to god
I called the cops and they werent there, went out for a break
He even took the play money, didn't know its fake
I attacked him with a plastic spoon, and hit his face right in
And he fell down and died, on my front porch breaking in

Its a criminal who can barely walk
With a 10 pound mini axe
And hes breaking down the door by swing
Cuz he wants my cold hard cash
And he is gonna get in and rob the whole damn thing
Cuz hes out there with his axe
On my front porch breaking in