[vocal scratch intro:]
Pain...
Sprains...
Ow ow ow...
Ow ow!
Ow ow...
It's painless?

Legs battered, butt is tattered, broken all my bones.
I torpedo down cement and... uh-oh!
My twirls pulverise, causing bigger boo-boos.
I'm here spiralling, soaring into some guy's pool!
I'm so goofy, the hospital tags me closely.
I plow down sheer cliffs, trip over... "You hurt?"
I flip, I splat, I roll and get all scuffed.
Have my whole body sore and shinin' with blood.
At X-treme sport I'm saddest, nerdy at best.
I slip up, get knocked down by some trees, what a mess!
Goof on a ride. Oh no! I'm a-swaying!
That's why all down the street there are smears, drips and mayhem.
Yeah...

Ow ow ow! Tripping over these skates!
Knocked my butt flat, scars rippin' now.
Ow ow ow! Did these have any brakes?
And all these spills here down the pavement knock-out this show-off clown, hey.
Ow ow ow! Flipping over these skates!
Where's my doc at? Come fix me now!
Ow ow ow! Split my nose and it aches!
Yeah, all these spills here down the pavement knock-out this show-off clown.

Now when these skates are slopin' down my drive,
Watch the trouble come.
Pretty soon I'll look like blows of Mike Tyson hit my face.
Oy vey, I'm the worst at jumps,
Cursed to thump.
Grind my ass, shredded on a speed bump.
I zig and zag down paths full of threats.
Soon skating in reverse? "Farewell, our dear departed..."
Yeah, that's me who's getting slaughtered more than Kenny.
Yeah, that's me who's got their blood down the cemented route.
Who's... lawn... did I make debris when landing?
"Ooh... dude... you're a loony stuntman!"
Hurting.
Brain cracked.
Thrown hip.
All that and my head is split?
Psyche, I'm painless!

Ow ow ow! Tripping over these skates!
Knocked my butt flat, scars rippin' now.
Ow ow ow! Did these have any brakes?
And all these spills here down the pavement knock-out this show-off clown, hey.
Ow ow ow! Flipping over these skates!
Where's my doc at? Come fix me now!
Ow ow ow! Split my nose and it aches!
Yeah, all these spills here down the pavement knock-out this show-off clown now.

I'm swerving alot, screaming. What a stunt, wow!
"Hold up! Look out! Fool, just slow down!"
What a dope, I skate into chestnut trees.
Elbows scabby, less limbs left here than amputees.
Get a cardiologist to check this twit still breathes.
See me slamming rubbish bins at high speeds. Get sliced knees.
So many blows and haem'rrhaging spilt.
I'm an evenly mauled tyke, though halfway killed.
Mashed, crashing twirls- accidents abound.
Loose on rollerblades... can't stop now!
The pavement, it gets kissed. Ow! I'm in pain.
To go to work, yo, maybe take the train!

Ow ow ow! Tripping over these skates!
Knocked my butt flat, scars rippin' now.
Ow ow ow! Did these have any brakes?
And all these spills here down the pavement knock-out this show-off clown, hey.
Ow ow ow! Flipping over these skates!
Where's my doc at? Come fix me now!
Ow ow ow! Split my nose and it aches!
Yeah, all these spills here down the pavement knock-out this show-off clown.