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Song Parodies -> "These Zits"

Original Song Title:

"These Kids"

Original Performer:

Joel Turner and the Modern Day Poets

Parody Song Title:

"These Zits"

The Lyrics

A tale of hackin' acne, pus-filled pustules and Pimple Daddies yelling 'show us yer zits!' The OS kicksass, check it out if you haven't already.
These zits, blackheads are clogging up,
Bloated and reddened now.
Head full of pimpled skin. Oily and fat and all over my nose.
I'm covered in this gross goo.
Wish I could make them leave, they're not a good view.

Slapped on my bubble face,
Colonies of pimples grow.
Brown bag in public, over my head because it's looking gross,
Face complexion like dog food,
And I shouldn't just squeeze em, cuz they'd flood you.

So many bumps and runny slime. I'm covered in zits, dozen a dime.
Oh, how my life is a bugger. I'm covered in goop, it's so friggin ugly.
I'm foaming from pus, congealing or runny.
It's like a honey drowning my face all the time.
Can't stop it with any wipes. A flow of fluids piped out: the tide is high.

A clammy tie cuz projectiles,
Just escape my face and freely spray. Look, a stray spout is racing by.
Dammit, they shoot like a spud gun, pointilistic oils here.
Pursuing these shelves of drugs for a gel to help cure me.

No horripilation, just blackheads and a pasty face.
The kids at school love to make fun-o'-me with quips like 'stain head'.
Pop them with my tweezers causing suppuration.
Fat grease erupting. Growing inflammation. Pus, I'll bleed on you.

(You may run from all detonations, which wet you with oily goo.)
This song goes out to my bulbs, pustules festering.
My head is glistening from these zits that are bubbling,
A connect-the-dot jaw.
Please rid these zits with scissors,
Or instead a truckload of C-4.

These zits, blackheads are clogging up,
Bloated and reddened now.
Head full of pimpled skin. Oily and fat and all over my nose.
I'm covered in this gross goo.
Wish I could make them leave, they're not a good view.

[incoherent ramblings:]
You've probably dealt abuse out to a fourteen year old kid,
Who has a nose bridge all wet and slick from popping his zits.
And it's all pockmarked from mutilation, a speckled wasteland,
With all the irritation he just wants to get his face back.
But pimple paste they make's disgraceful, it's just another bait for average joes
To cash their check as they hope attempting this will help their bloated necks.
Yell jokes at them with blackheads and bubbles.
Full of pus, oil-pumps for heads.

You're laughing at those geeky freaks, they cover the bubbles up instead.
Like the blotched red, the same jokes latch on time and time again.
Zits riot and these whiteheads squeezing pus projectiles ahead.
They squirt like a hose then run all day and ooze. Living as a pizza-dome.
They feel much too plain for a girl, like a zit's clone.
Sitting alone become known as quite joker-prone.
Where clowns focus groans and humiliate you, "Pus-cream cones!"
It's your spotty nose they aim to joke as gross.

Lots of pus disgusts the most slutty hos.
Pimple cream fails to clean, they're still the same wearing hives.
Mangy skin is greasy, to wipe the grime off won't suffice.
Seems life isn't worth living when you've been given this rancid sight.
Drugs do not help to cleanse us, there's just more bumps to fight.
Once used Clearasil, two whole bottles.
A grinder to the nose and I'm still mottled.

If acne's a crime, I'm a repeat offender.
It's like defusing a mine, you could kill with these bubbles,
Yeah, like zit gelignite, there's a whole lot of rubble.
I'm losing the struggle,
They're growing in double.
Somewhere out there somebody could scrub you,
Scrub away the layer of gunge, yeah.
Scrub away the layer of gunge.

These zits, spattered and gluggy things.
Don't know that they're dreaded, no.
Head full and bubbling, pop like confetti from my spotty nose.
My spotty nose!

Gross!

[riff of bursting zits]

These zits, blackheads are clogging up,
Bloated and reddened now.
Head full of pimpled skin. Oily and fat and all over my nose.
I'm covered in this gross goo.
Wish I could make them leave, they're not a good view.

Slapped on my bubble face,
Colonies of pimples grow.
Brown bag in public, over my head because it's looking gross,
Face complexion like dog food,
And I shouldn't just squeeze em, cuz they'd flood you.
Funniest zit-popping scene ever: the 'Kevin and Perry Go Large' movie, involving two festy scrags and a mirror.

Your Vote & Comment Counts

The parody authors spend a lot of time writing parodies for the website and they appreciate feedback in the form of votes and comments. Please take some time to leave a comment below about this parody.

Place Your Vote

 LittleLots
Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 



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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.6
How Funny: 4.4
Overall Rating: 4.5

Total Votes: 22

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 1
 1
 
 2   0
 1
 0
 
 3   1
 2
 2
 
 4   3
 3
 2
 
 5   17
 15
 17
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Scathe - January 08, 2005 - Report this comment
(sotm) Good job, but I think I'm going to be sick.
Rick D - January 09, 2005 - Report this comment
So you met my prom date?
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - January 09, 2005 - Report this comment
Yeah, but Spaff's complexion has really cleared up since. ;)=
Agrimorfee - January 10, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) DKTOS, but what a piece of work! Extra points for using the words "suppuration" and "pointilistic". ;)
Spaff.com - January 16, 2005 - Report this comment
Try a tanning salon. You may die of skin cancer, but at least your corpse will have a better complexion.

I tried in vain to find an MP3 of the original, but with your track record, I trust that it paces and subs nicely. 555. I have a friend who shudders at the mere mention of the word "pustule"; she'd probably be ralphing (pun intended) if she were reading this tour-de-gross.

And see if Rick and I ever share secrets with you again.
Claude Prez - January 17, 2005 - Report this comment
Vivid. And like Spaff, I have no doubt it's paced perfectly and chock full o' clever matches to the original. Very gross; well done.
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - January 21, 2005 - Report this comment
I should write a completely original piece loaded with brilliant puns and triple-entendres, claiming that it rhymes perfectly with a fictitious 'underground' Aussie band.
Spaff: She shudders in disgust or does 'pustule' send an erotic shiver down her spine?
Paul Robinson - January 24, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) DKTOS, but YIKES! Great & hilarious...each line a pus-popping pastiche/panorama of post-puberty pathos...
Jeff Reuben - January 25, 2005 - Report this comment
Zits a good piece of work!
Phil Alexander - January 25, 2005 - Report this comment
Holy blackheads, Batman... this one goes on for a bit, don't it? Good in spots... :-p (incidentally, if you like this one, you might like this, too: http://www.amiright.com/parody/70s/sweet2.shtml)
Chris Bodily TM - January 25, 2005 - Report this comment
DKTOSOA, and it wasn't really that funny. 3-3-3. Nice try, though.
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - January 25, 2005 - Report this comment
Thanks All. Chris Bodily TM, if I DKTOS I atleast compare lyrics with the original to vote on pacing, at the same time getting an appreciation for what the writer has done. I don't mind the 3s for humour or overall, but I really suggest you compare lyrics and see if your 3 is justifiable. Trust Claude's trustworthyness.
martha - January 26, 2005 - Report this comment
reminds why I am so pleased that adolescence is but a distant memory....disgustingly good!!!
Peregrin - January 26, 2005 - Report this comment
I liked it Jake/Luke. I had a bit of trouble with the pacing though. Good one.
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - January 26, 2005 - Report this comment
LOL, Martha and Peregrin!
Johnny D - January 26, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) "oil pumps for heads" LOL!
Arwen - January 26, 2005 - Report this comment
SOTM--I'm totally grossing out, Luke. If that's what you wanted...congrats! =)
Stuart McArthur - January 28, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) DKTOS but it's so rich with imagery, my brain needs a shower - volcanic - I nearly died from lava
Know 1 can hear you dream - January 29, 2005 - Report this comment
One of the reasons to why zitheads so often are sf-fans are probably that they fit in so easily at the cons, donĀ't have to pay for a bumpy alien forhead makeup...
EmiLoca - January 30, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) "Pus-cream cones" sent me into hysterics, Jake Lukest. Freaking good job.
John Jenkins - January 30, 2005 - Report this comment
Very good parody - a lot of good substitutions such as "Slapped on my bubble face" for "Trapped in a stuggle and."
2nz - January 30, 2005 - Report this comment
Some excellent slimy subs and repulsive rhymes. And you made me not feel so self-conscious about subjecting everyone to '12 Days...' ;c). Favorite stanza: "This song goes out to my bulbs..."
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - January 30, 2005 - Report this comment
Emi: Would you like nuts on your maple-glazed pus-cream cone?
JD: I knew the words 'pump' and 'head' in the same sentence would make you laugh.
Arwen: mission accomplished!
Stu: I bet you've had a few eruptions in the shower!
k1chyd: Frekky!
JJ: Yes, writing this was quite a stuggle.
2nz: No worries, my stepsister is really self-conscious about the size of her bulbs.
Tim Mayfield - January 31, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) 3 greasy 5's!
Meriadoc - January 31, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Waaaay too much information! ;-D
Kristof Robertson - February 01, 2005 - Report this comment
Sorry, Luke...DKTOS, but this was well written
Charlie Decker - March 13, 2005 - Report this comment
DKTOS, but stopped by to check in after your comment on my zit parody. This one takes the cake! (Hopefully not the chocolate cake, which would just cause more zits)

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