Ooooo...Aaaahhh
I know what you want
And I know what you need
And I'm gonna screw you blind, yeah,
'cause I'm an idiot, and I'm your lawyer, yes I am.

I'm gonna get you off and pad my wallet thick.
Then I use my cell phone and charge you
A hundred dollars 'cause I'm your lawyer.

All I know I'm just a man in a flashy suit.
I have to drive something brand new.
I made out on a court case the other day...
Now I'm driving a BMW. Yeah! Yeah!

I know what you want
And I know what you need
And I'm goin' screw you blind, yeah
Cause I'm an idiot, and I'm your lawyer, yes I am .

Your case could be dismissed...
By the time it's half past two.
But then, of course, I would make less,
Half of what I woulda made on it.
And I'm your lawyer.

You're in debt, debt...

Gonna get real drunk...
and not show up for court
At 9:00 in the morning!
Wake me up, I'm an idiot!

Pick up the phone, come on, I need you...
I'm sitting in court for a DUI,
And where the hell are you?
Passed out. Not here.
Don't you know when to go to sleep?
Then you would...have gotten here all by yourself, you see.
I'm paying...your big, hefty fees you've been charging me.
How'd you like...to actually earn a paycheck???
Ooooo....Ahhhhh

Now my life is all messed up...
And they will take my driver's license.
No more driving. Ouch!
Hey, dammit, you like fine cooking? Cause you know what?
You'll be eating Swanson's dinner from your freezer...
If you keep drinking it up. Yeah!

Now I'm in your driveway!
You need to wake the hell up now, dammit.
I honk the horn and I honk the horn and I honk the horn!
Can't you hear me honk it? Come on!

Wake the hell up, now! HONK! HONK!
Get up out of bed! HONK! HONK! HONK!
Come on! Can't you hear me HONK, HONK!
Can't you hear me now? HONK, HONK...oh yeah!
Can't you hear me now? HONK, HONK...oh yeah!