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Song Parodies -> "OnStar"

Original Song Title:

"Numb/ Encore"

Original Performer:

Jay-Z and Linkin Park

Parody Song Title:

"OnStar"

Parody Written by:

Matthias

The Lyrics

[Matthias]
Damn!
“Screw you! Screw you! Screw you! You piece of junk!”

Gotta call OnStar
Screwed up my car
Swerved too far
Now my ride’s destroyed
It’s not fine, I’m whiplashed and sore
Now it’s not swell I crashed my Ford!
I’m the driver who sleeps and snores
I need some help and I’m so annoyed!

Triple A!

Who’s the worst one on the road?
Just take a guess
If your car’s near mine there might be a mess
Geico is far from impressed
It’s a death trap cause I’m checking the map while I drive
I won’t go slow soon I’ll be dead
Screw the brakes while on the road since their shred
Folks yell some death threats since they’re distressed
While on the highway use my Blackberry, Need to text
Think that blows? I’m checking Facebook on the Net
When you’re this dumb you don’t care if you wreck
No way!
No focusin’ while coastin’
I’m a big oaf, That’s why my Jeep’s covered in dents
I should buy a chauffer, I have no common sense
Just use public transportation
Cause it’s not just my headlights that are dim
My navigation’s everybody’s frustration

Now I’m calling OnStar
Engine is charred
On the road with airbags deployed
No this is not fine, My insurance soars
Cause this is Hell I destroyed my Ford!
Shouldn’t speed but I’m in a rush
And I treat my ride like Hot Wheels toys

It’s not swell I just smashed my Ford!

(Sigh!)
Steering wheel holds with glue and some duct tape too
I’m missing half the fuses that it needs, dude
It’s bad enough I am insane, Down these side roads I flew
But my car is a pile of sh*t, It’s like I’m built to lose
No mercy all drivers are scared
Pedestrians are splattered and I’ll leave just a smear
Oh No!
Like “Crazy Taxi” when I’m switching gears
It’s not that I’m even fried, I never drink and drive
I just race like Jeff Gordon, No one’s surprised
It’s like I aim for cones
But still maim the cones, They’re in my way dude
I won’t slow down I’ll just mow down
The sign to Dairy Queen
Those truckers always honk at me
When I cut in front of them at top speed (Top speed)
I drove, I crashed, I’m totaled
Left a fence derailed when took a sharp turn
So that’s why I’m calling you OnStar
I need you to help cause I wrecked my car

[OnStar]
I’m sorry sir but there are no guarantees
Since your insurance says that you are worthless
It says that we can’t come to your street
Do not be a beggar, There’s nothing we can do
(Call up a truck to tow! Just call up a truck to tow!)
If there was an earthquake we might cut you a break this time
(Call up a truck to tow! Just call up a truck to tow!)
Because you are a disgrace and on Turnpikes you race
Driver you are dumb!
We’ll send you a spare
If you popped your tires
But no huge repairs
Will we try to fix
Since it’s your own fault
Void your warranty
Sorry but you’re screwed

[Matthias]
(Damn! I’m so glum!)

Tried to call up OnStar
Screwed up my car (Car, car, car)

Drive but I’m too dumb!

They acted like I came from Mars
They thought all my brain cells were charred

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 LittleLots
Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 



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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.9
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 10

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 0
 0
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   0
 0
 0
 
 4   1
 0
 0
 
 5   9
 10
 10
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Mark Scotti - January 17, 2011 - Report this comment
555 right turns get you back on track!
TJC - January 17, 2011 - Report this comment
Lex(us)cellent (Dodge) Magnum opus (Opal)!
Blaydeman - January 18, 2011 - Report this comment
(HHS) Hilarious parody Matty, the pacing could've been a little better, like in the chorus sometimes your line would have 5 syllables instead of six. It's "Can I get an encore" (6 syllables) and you would have "Gotta call OnStar" which is 5. Just small adjustments in the pacing and this would be straight fives. There were just too many small errors to overlook, so 455.
Abbott Skelding - January 25, 2011 - Report this comment
Nice work Matt, but I agree with Blaydeman, pacing was a little off in a few places, but still excellent job!
bobpiecheese - January 28, 2011 - Report this comment
(HHS) Could've been a bit tighter on the pacing, but otherwise this was a great parody. TMGLTM, honestly. I'm always a sucker for bad driving parodies, so this was right up my alley (probably where your car ended up for all I know). 555 gear changes for you!
EthanM - January 30, 2011 - Report this comment
Like has been said before, the pacing was clunky at times but it was a very clever take on a good concept and IMO "I drove I crashed I'm totaled" is among the best lines of the rlound, easily.
Below Average Dave - January 31, 2011 - Report this comment
It was good overall, love the idea, love TOS (Though in honesty I love both songs better on their own than the collab-but the collab is still cool)
Blaydeman - February 10, 2011 - Report this comment
(SOTM) See above ^^^
Mark Scotti - February 10, 2011 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Hey, it sent me back on track to read this again and this time it was the right decision....Great job on this, Matthias!
Abbott Skelding - February 11, 2011 - Report this comment
See Above
Below Average Dave - February 14, 2011 - Report this comment
See above. . .
Wild Child JIN - February 14, 2011 - Report this comment
SOTM: Sometimes when people wish upon their OnStar, it don't get their car very far. :-D But this parody sure goes the distance. ;-) Excellent work! 5's
Arwen - February 18, 2011 - Report this comment
SOTM...an OS I'd never even dream of tackling...and nice work, to boot. Remind me to stay away from you on the highway...though I'm not sure if I should be avoiding the crazy Jeep or the Ford...you mentioned both. =)
Matthias - February 18, 2011 - Report this comment
Arwen... I drive both. Actually I don't but my character does. How he can afford insurance on both of them is beyond me.
Below Average Dave - February 24, 2011 - Report this comment
See above. . .again
bobpiecheese - February 27, 2011 - Report this comment
(SOTM) See above!
EthanM - February 28, 2011 - Report this comment
Ditto all the other see aboves for SOTM.
Abbott Skelding - June 29, 2011 - Report this comment
Not a fan of the whole Linkin Park/Jay Z collaboration thing either, but that isn't your fault...unless it is your fault, then STOP IT! haha. Nice work working from both points of view and the title change
Agrimorfee - June 30, 2011 - Report this comment
Yeah a dropped beat here and there, but at least a very creative idea executed quite well. Drive on!
Blaydeman - July 05, 2011 - Report this comment
(ABC) See above ^^^
bobpiecheese - July 07, 2011 - Report this comment
(ABC) See above...again!
Below Average Dave - July 11, 2011 - Report this comment
Fourth comment on the same song. . .third see above
D-Mon - July 11, 2011 - Report this comment
(ABC) I like car parodies LOL!
Mark Scotti - July 11, 2011 - Report this comment
(ABC) Glad I was "directed' to read this again!
Glen S - February 14, 2012 - Report this comment
Lots of work into this one Matty. Very punny. Good luck with those roads.
Porfle Popnecker - May 22, 2012 - Report this comment
Triple A's! I mean, 5's!
bobpiecheese - May 26, 2012 - Report this comment
(Artistry) See above...yet again!
Rex - May 27, 2012 - Report this comment
(Artistry) Aha, so that's you I see every day on my drive home from work. Self-driving cars can't get here fast enough.
Below Average Dave - May 30, 2012 - Report this comment
Honestly. . .Really??? Comment FIVE on the same song
Blaydeman - May 31, 2012 - Report this comment
(Artistry) See above again, and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again... I'll stop now.

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