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Song Parodies -> "99 Problems (The One Ring is one)"

Original Song Title:

"99 Problems"

Original Performer:

Jay Z

Parody Song Title:

"99 Problems (The One Ring is one)"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

I saw there wasn't too many Hova parodies. So, I took a couple minutes to do this one. This one took much less time to do than my other parodies. Probably because before writing parodies I actually did have quite a bit of rap done. It did take the most time getting the conversation part in verse 2 to make sense.
If you have lots of problems don't complain to your king
I got 99 problems and one is the ring

[Verse One]
I got to hide this ring from Sauron's things
It's good that they think I'm still with the King
Uruk Hai they only want death to bring
Elves they used to be, now they just wanna eat me
Boromir went crazy now I have to flee
I tried to sneak across the river quietly
Sam's like, 'Mister Frodo!' I guess he heard me
So together we set off me and Samwise Gamgee
And that's hastily the entire first movie
The others tryin to find Pippin and Mer-RY
So now we set off to Mordor
And then destroy the ring so Sauron is no more
Why didn't we take Aragorn?
Cause getting to Mount Doom safe is gonna be a chore
When this ring goes in the fire it's all done
I got 99 problems and this ring is one
Hide me

99 Problems and also the ring
If you have lots of problems don't complain to your king
I got 99 problems and one is the ring
Hide me

[Verse Two]
The night is very dark and we both hear a sound
And he's talking to himself over there on the ground
I got two choices take him along with us or
Hit him over the head with this rock from the floor
Now I ain't got a clue on where we're supposed to be
Plus Gandalf said Gollum used to be just like me
So i...chose to take him with us on the road
And Sam says "Frodo, what are we taking that thing for?"
Cause we're lost and scared and he knows where to go?
And he used to be like me Sam that I do know
And you want to leave him behind or kill him? no!
"Well I still don't trust him tie him up with elven rope"
"I'm still gonna watch him when we're asleep tonight"
"Did you see that Mr. Frodo! Out of my hand he just took a bite!"
You're lying he never bit all he did was spit
"Well if he does it again tell him that he'll be hit"
Well all our food is missing and it looks like you have my pack
And there are crumbs on your cloak maybe you can explain that
"Can't you see he's trying to turn you against me or something?"
"Or kill us and take the ring or somethin?"
Nah if he wanted to he could have for a while
Smeagol is happy Sam just look at his smile
"I'm still staying up at night to watch that thing"
I got 99 problems and one is the ring
Hide me

[Chorus X2]

[Verse Three]
Now not very long after all of that
Smeagol knew a shortcut ended up a trap
Me and Sam both got attacked by this humungous spider
It's times like this that I wish we would have taken Strider
We got out of that and began to resume
Our perilous journey to reach the Mount Doom
You know see the fires and in goes the ring
And that will be the end to this whole thing
And when we finally got to the rim we both looked back and saw him
Hope Gollum can swim, we threw the one ring in
And there Sauron goes defeated once again
All the free people have killed him once again
Isildur's line victors again
Everything turns black and I pass out again then
I wake up in Elrond's house with Bilbo again
There's Merry, Pippin, and Sam they smilin'
I look up and see Gandalf and all them
I go back to the Shire and start preparin
Me and Bilbo going West, Sam's crying
I got 99 problems but took care of the ring
Miss me

[Chorus X3]
F to the rodo, B to the aggins, that's the anthem put yo damn hands UP

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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.9
How Funny: 4.4
Overall Rating: 4.6

Total Votes: 14

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   1
 5   13

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Ashkicksass - July 21, 2004 - Report this comment
Damn! I am totally impressed. So great. And I LOVED your footnote.
Arwen - July 21, 2004 - Report this comment
I don't know the original, Buddy...but I'm going to look it up, because just reading this made me's awesome! So...I'll be back...=) (I also loved your footnote, by the way...)
Ahnonamis - July 22, 2004 - Report this comment
Ash - Thanks. It's always good to impress people who know what they're talking about when it comes to parody writing. Arwen - It seem's you are turning into my stalker ;) And once again it's a song you don't know, lol. Ya, get the original. It's not the best of Jay Z, but the one part with the police officer (Sam and Frodo in this) is one of my favorite verses from all the songs he's done over the last 80 years.
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - August 11, 2004 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Some fine rhyming in this one, my man. You is lawd of the bling, baybee.
Johnny D - August 11, 2004 - Report this comment
(SOTM July 2000) Coolness... such coolness... yes.
Ahnonamis - August 12, 2004 - Report this comment
Luke: Either you've seen the MAD TV "Lord of the Bling" sketch, or it's an amazing coinsidence. JD: Yes. Yes it is. ;)
Know 1 can hear you dream - August 15, 2004 - Report this comment
(SOTM 2000) Could have used more puns, but you know your Tolkien.
AMIRIGHT SOTM 2000s GOLD MEDAL JULY 2004 - September 03, 2004 - Report this comment;topic=3189.0;id=1452;image
Starlight - May 06, 2005 - Report this comment
well done, well done that was awesome! u did real good.

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