My nights are sleepless

(Alarm clock rings - moans and groans)

My nights are sleepless
My air is foul
I saw a tom cat
Out on the prowl.
Caterwauling on the back fence
Spraying schmutz all over town -
I wish they'd keep him in at night
If he's their own.

(Rubs face ans scratches.)

You smelly cat
You smelly cat
You're not a pleasant pet.
I smell your spray on my walkway -
Won't they take you to the vet
And have you neutered yet?

(Brushes robe, removes it and shakes it out.)

Well, he catches rats
Leaves them on my mats -
He thinks he's my friend and he is being a cat.
But he's no friend to those with noses
His life is not a bed of roses.

(Drops clothes on floor)

You smelly cat
You smelly cat
What are they feeding you?
The fault's not yours, you live outdoors
Is that why you smell like poo -
And the kittens look like you?

(Picks up clothes hamper and dumps contents into washer.)

Who are you?
I'll name you
Pepe le Pew!

You smelly cat
You smelly cat
You'd make a nicer pet -
There's a precious kitty inside that tough facade -
A purebred persian on that I'll bet.
So I'll take you to the vet
And have you neutered yet.

(Jumps into shower.)

Eccch!