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Song Parodies -> "A Fourth-Rate Baseball Team's Lament"

Original Song Title:

"You're Beautiful"

Original Performer:

James Blunt

Parody Song Title:

"A Fourth-Rate Baseball Team's Lament"

Parody Written by:

Chris Oakley

The Lyrics

Our infield's lousy,
our outfield stinks,
our bullpen would drive
a saint to drink,
our starting pitcher's rotation is a nightmare to behold,
the carpet in our clubhouse is
covered with mold...

We're horrible,
we're horrible,
we're horrible, it's true,
we're so bad that we can't even give seats away,
and our scouts are half-blind too,
just be glad that it's not you....

Well we just can't win
at home or away,
so far this year we've only turned
one double play,
Our team mascot's gotten really nasty and mean,
our turf looks like it went through a shredding machine...

We're horrible,
we're horrible,
we're horrible, it's true,
Our catcher drops flies like the ball's made of lead,
and our GM's feeling blue,
Thank your stars that it's not you....

Da da da da
Da da da da
Da da da disaster...

We're horrible,
we're horrible,
we're horrible, it's true,
The last time we came close to turning a profit
was way back in the summer of '52,
and the owners have no clue,
Be relieved that it's not you.

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 9

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   9

User Comments

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Michael Pacholek - March 05, 2008 - Report this comment
You have Met the enemy.
John Barry - March 05, 2008 - Report this comment
Could be either of the Bay Area teams.
glasstique1948 - March 05, 2008 - Report this comment
Carter was a better leader than Reagan. Reagan was never in the service and the only thing he led in was busting the Unions.
MasonR - March 05, 2008 - Report this comment
Sounds like some of the teams Jim Bouton described in Ball 4. Well done and 5 strikes!
Stan Hall - March 05, 2008 - Report this comment
Hmmm .. sounds like what the O's have increasingly become during Peter Angelos's ownership. It's quite a feat to empty the stands of a team that gated 30K+/game even thru' a 21-game season-opening losing streak in '88, but scumbag Angelos has been doing just that since '93. But for the fact that Camden Yards still has the best food in baseball -- and Boog Powell's BBQ is the best of the best -- the declien might be even steeper. Sigh. Am hoping a new stadium will pep up my Nats, but am not counting on any late October games this season. Double sigh.
Michael Pacholek - March 05, 2008 - Report this comment
Stan, go to Philly and check out Bull's Barbecue at Citizens Bank Park. It's run by former Phillies slugger Greg Luzinski, and guess what: He actually shows up. I can see what he runs a BBQ stand: His hands are big enough to be called meathooks. I can see why he hit all those home runs, what I don't see is why he didn't hit a lot more.
MrMacphisto - March 05, 2008 - Report this comment
Could it be the Cubs? 5-5-5
litleCubCakes - March 05, 2008 - Report this comment
I love the Knights "comMENtary" !!
Stan Hall - March 05, 2008 - Report this comment
MP -- or "Patch," as I've seen you called, last time I saw a game in Philly the home team -- the the elephant-logoed Athletics -- were my 2nd favorite behind the my own then-home Pirates. Anyway, it'd definitely be a gas to grab a BBQ from man-mountain Luzinski. Part of the fun stopping by of Boog's has always been that he's often on hand to meet and greet. On one of my visits I took my copy of his mesquite cookery book -- which I'd previously seen offered atthe ballpark souvenir shop for $14 -- along to be autographed. Boog was happy to sign, and I I didn't mention to him that I'd purchased my brand new copy for $0.50 from a remainders table in an outlet bookstore. :-)

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