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Song Parodies -> "Without Balls"
Original Song Title:
"Without Love"
Original Performer:
Hairspray: The Musical
Parody Song Title:
"Without Balls"
Parody Written by:
EmiLoca
The Lyrics
This began as a silly double-entendre and turned into a feminist rant. Please observe my tongue firmly lodged in my cheek. :-P Sing Along Here.
Once I went to hellish school
Worst teachers in the hood
I read no books, could not write well
But with my long strides, ME run GOOD!
Shredding nets, I did play mean
Cause, man, I’m six foot eight
When the NBA loves you
Who has to graduate?
Yeah, without balls
I’d be in remedials all summer
Without balls
I’d have my diploma, not my Hummer
Later, might be waiting tables
When I quit at thirty three
I’ve got ba-a-a-a-alls…
Baby, screw the GED
Yeah, I aim highly
Sinking balls with ease lately
Yo, yo, yo!
---
Once I was a cinder girl
Invited to some sprees
But I was busy dusting
While my lousy mam and sisters fleed
(Lazy!)
Fairy turned some lizards
Into Prada dress and drawers
The Prince will sure feel blue
Until he takes me on the floor
I’m at his balls
Now there’s someone’s hand for me to hold, oh
At his balls
Learning how to sing and play the oboe
Part each night, at twelve, we’re severed
Godmom, thanks for helping me
Find his ba-a-a-a-alls…
Now I’m forever on my knees
His royal scepter
Now anointing me
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
---
Kiddies with Nintendos,
It’s the same offensive show
Snooty trainers, boys and girls
Those skinny brats yell, “Pidgey, go!”
With our Poke-power
We can’t fend off those attacks
Oh, how they chase us Mudkips
Claustrophobic, now we’re trapped
We’re tripping balls
Crying as they beat us ‘til we’re caught, oh
”Catch ‘em all”
Life is horrid since that stupid motto
Warring children on the telly
’Till they drop artillery
Drop their ba-a-a-a-alls
Won’t you kids find a hobby, please?
Evolve, you bastards
Pika-pika-pi
Go, go, go!
---
If you're ballin’, you’ve got riches
But it hurts when balls are blue
Think you’re in the ballpark, bro?
You’d best be close or you’ll be screwed
And girls who do ballet, no doubt
Just pole-dance on a wall
Meanies use ballistic fights
To combat testy-calls
These dicks sure have some gall!
Hey, I’d hardly miss them
So why can’t we bust ‘em all?
'Cause without balls
Why not play some pingless pong in China
Without balls
Well, I’d give my beau a kick in the vagina
Without balls
Clowns fold “oon” and strive to make kids buy it
Without balls
Guys would cross their legs and pee in private
No more football nights on Monday
No ball bearings for my Hyundai
Smite the jerks, all ball offenders
Hear us roar, the gentler gender!
Snarling, burning bras to embers
’Til the world is finally
Without ba-a-a-a-alls…
(“Those kids can’t capture me”)
Without ba-a-a-a-alls…
(“After/ever, happily”)
Without ba-a-a-a-alls…
(“Shaq kneed me!”)
Enter, castra-ti!
[Falsetto Ad-Lib Interlude]
Bollocks to your sex appeal
Please, stop that squealing…
Cut the bawls!
Worst teachers in the hood
I read no books, could not write well
But with my long strides, ME run GOOD!
Shredding nets, I did play mean
Cause, man, I’m six foot eight
When the NBA loves you
Who has to graduate?
Yeah, without balls
I’d be in remedials all summer
Without balls
I’d have my diploma, not my Hummer
Later, might be waiting tables
When I quit at thirty three
I’ve got ba-a-a-a-alls…
Baby, screw the GED
Yeah, I aim highly
Sinking balls with ease lately
Yo, yo, yo!
---
Once I was a cinder girl
Invited to some sprees
But I was busy dusting
While my lousy mam and sisters fleed
(Lazy!)
Fairy turned some lizards
Into Prada dress and drawers
The Prince will sure feel blue
Until he takes me on the floor
I’m at his balls
Now there’s someone’s hand for me to hold, oh
At his balls
Learning how to sing and play the oboe
Part each night, at twelve, we’re severed
Godmom, thanks for helping me
Find his ba-a-a-a-alls…
Now I’m forever on my knees
His royal scepter
Now anointing me
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
---
Kiddies with Nintendos,
It’s the same offensive show
Snooty trainers, boys and girls
Those skinny brats yell, “Pidgey, go!”
With our Poke-power
We can’t fend off those attacks
Oh, how they chase us Mudkips
Claustrophobic, now we’re trapped
We’re tripping balls
Crying as they beat us ‘til we’re caught, oh
”Catch ‘em all”
Life is horrid since that stupid motto
Warring children on the telly
’Till they drop artillery
Drop their ba-a-a-a-alls
Won’t you kids find a hobby, please?
Evolve, you bastards
Pika-pika-pi
Go, go, go!
---
If you're ballin’, you’ve got riches
But it hurts when balls are blue
Think you’re in the ballpark, bro?
You’d best be close or you’ll be screwed
And girls who do ballet, no doubt
Just pole-dance on a wall
Meanies use ballistic fights
To combat testy-calls
These dicks sure have some gall!
Hey, I’d hardly miss them
So why can’t we bust ‘em all?
'Cause without balls
Why not play some pingless pong in China
Without balls
Well, I’d give my beau a kick in the vagina
Without balls
Clowns fold “oon” and strive to make kids buy it
Without balls
Guys would cross their legs and pee in private
No more football nights on Monday
No ball bearings for my Hyundai
Smite the jerks, all ball offenders
Hear us roar, the gentler gender!
Snarling, burning bras to embers
’Til the world is finally
Without ba-a-a-a-alls…
(“Those kids can’t capture me”)
Without ba-a-a-a-alls…
(“After/ever, happily”)
Without ba-a-a-a-alls…
(“Shaq kneed me!”)
Enter, castra-ti!
[Falsetto Ad-Lib Interlude]
Bollocks to your sex appeal
Please, stop that squealing…
Cut the bawls!
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Voting Results
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Voting Breakdown
The following represent how many people voted for each category.
| Pacing | How Funny | Overall Rating | |||||||||
| 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 2 | 0 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 3 | 1 | 1 | 1 | ||||||||
| 4 | 0 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 5 | 6 | 6 | 6 |
User Comments
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Rave on, sista. :-) This is actually all the funnier for all the truth that's in it. Reads like something Eudora Welty might've written had she lived a generation or so later than she did.
Indeed, rave on. I will, however, be folding my legs to protect my set. I think your parodies are enhanced greatly by your ability to go 'balls-out' as it were with whatever viewpoint you start on. Most of me says you should continue to not pull any punches, and the rest of me want you to aim higher.
Ha, only just watched the original Hairspray last week with that 'middle-aged single male musical expert' friend of mine... you've already got my 5s in those envelopes, so all that's left to say is BALLALLALLALLAGH! and amazing lyrical quippery as always.
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