Once I went to hellish school
Worst teachers in the hood
I read no books, could not write well
But with my long strides, ME run GOOD!

Shredding nets, I did play mean
Cause, man, I’m six foot eight
When the NBA loves you
Who has to graduate?

Yeah, without balls
I’d be in remedials all summer
Without balls
I’d have my diploma, not my Hummer

Later, might be waiting tables
When I quit at thirty three
I’ve got ba-a-a-a-alls…
Baby, screw the GED
Yeah, I aim highly
Sinking balls with ease lately
Yo, yo, yo!

---

Once I was a cinder girl
Invited to some sprees
But I was busy dusting
While my lousy mam and sisters fleed
(Lazy!)

Fairy turned some lizards
Into Prada dress and drawers
The Prince will sure feel blue
Until he takes me on the floor

I’m at his balls
Now there’s someone’s hand for me to hold, oh
At his balls
Learning how to sing and play the oboe

Part each night, at twelve, we’re severed
Godmom, thanks for helping me
Find his ba-a-a-a-alls…
Now I’m forever on my knees
His royal scepter
Now anointing me
Yeah, yeah, yeah!

---

Kiddies with Nintendos,
It’s the same offensive show
Snooty trainers, boys and girls
Those skinny brats yell, “Pidgey, go!”
With our Poke-power
We can’t fend off those attacks
Oh, how they chase us Mudkips
Claustrophobic, now we’re trapped

We’re tripping balls
Crying as they beat us ‘til we’re caught, oh
”Catch ‘em all”
Life is horrid since that stupid motto

Warring children on the telly
’Till they drop artillery
Drop their ba-a-a-a-alls
Won’t you kids find a hobby, please?
Evolve, you bastards
Pika-pika-pi
Go, go, go!

---

If you're ballin’, you’ve got riches
But it hurts when balls are blue
Think you’re in the ballpark, bro?
You’d best be close or you’ll be screwed
And girls who do ballet, no doubt
Just pole-dance on a wall
Meanies use ballistic fights
To combat testy-calls
These dicks sure have some gall!

Hey, I’d hardly miss them
So why can’t we bust ‘em all?

'Cause without balls
Why not play some pingless pong in China
Without balls
Well, I’d give my beau a kick in the vagina

Without balls
Clowns fold “oon” and strive to make kids buy it
Without balls
Guys would cross their legs and pee in private

No more football nights on Monday
No ball bearings for my Hyundai
Smite the jerks, all ball offenders
Hear us roar, the gentler gender!

Snarling, burning bras to embers
’Til the world is finally

Without ba-a-a-a-alls…
(“Those kids can’t capture me”)
Without ba-a-a-a-alls…
(“After/ever, happily”)
Without ba-a-a-a-alls…
(“Shaq kneed me!”)
Enter, castra-ti!

[Falsetto Ad-Lib Interlude]

Bollocks to your sex appeal
Please, stop that squealing…
Cut the bawls!