Don't wanna be a football official.
Don't wanna make decisions that are crucial.
'Coz all I get is a footballer's backlash
From John Terry who just wants cash.

All the players hassle and annoy me.
I can't even show a card of R-E-D
Even if that's what they all deserve.

Television would show it tomorrow.
Media scrutiny would follow
Me all the way back home again.

I may seem like a f*ggot to all of you.
I do my job, you should stick to yours too.
I may have the movement of a panda.
That's why the linesman give me a hand-a.

Welcome to the world of refereeing.
I can't see what the other fans are seeing
And vice versa which makes us all mad.

Then I call a foul and give a penalty.
Either choice I make makes one team angry.
One goal cannot be that bad.

(Guitar solo)

Don't wanna be a football official.
I'm inconsistent with players who aren't special.
Always the centre of something controversial
Then again, this problem's universal.

I cannot always see everything
On the pitch. There's sometimes nothing.
Yet I still decide to stop and blow.

Remember when I mentioned the red card.
Players need to calm down. It's not that hard.
I'll let them off with a yellow.



(NOTE - I know that the 'PANDA/hand-a' line was not very good, but I couldn't think of anything else :P - THIS COMMENT IS NOT PART OF THE SONG BY THE WAY).