[Snicky logs on to his computer and connects to the Internet. The homepage is www.stsnickyhouse.com, which was established by Mike with the help of Christine McGlade, Dan Schneider, Kenan Thompson, Kel Mitchell, Finesse Mitchell, Katrina Johnson, and other important names in Nickelodeon, and President Hillary Clinton... but back to our story.]
[Snicky Googles "nick rewind cancelled" and finds innumerable hits ranging from Nick.com, CNN.com, Amiright.com, nickrewind.com, classicnick.com, YCDTOTV.com (You Can't Do That on Television), TV.com, Internet Movie Database, MTV.com, VH1.com, and various Nickelodeon fansites and official sites too numerous to name. He clicks on Nick.com as the official source.]
[The statement reads:
Nick Rewind Cancelled!
April 8, 2010
If you're gonna wake up tomorrow, and you want to turn on the television, don't turn it to the Nick Rewind channel to watch your all-time favorite episode of Out of Control or Cousin Skeeter, 'cause it won't be there! Our daddy, Viacom, is forcing us to take ALL CLASSIC NICK SHOWS off the air FOREVER -- just like your parents make you do chores that you beg your little sister to do. It's not our fault, kids, so please don't blame us like you blame your farts on the dog.
Christine "Moose" McGlade
President of Nickelodeon]
"Moose is Nick's President?... The Nick Rewind is cancelled!!??!!...."
[Dead silence for exactly one minute.]
This can't be... It's a dream, it's all a dark, terrible, horrible dream! Somebody pinch me!!! This is f**king bull****!!"
"Do they even realize how much [expletive] money they could make with the Rewind?"
"Yeah... I know... It's a tragedy...."
[Long pause. Everybody sits in silence to mourn the loss of Nick Rewind, and not without some tears.]
"I'm writing a letter...."
[Snicky opens up his WordPad program and begins contructing his letter.]
[Typing] "April.... Nine... Teeeenth.... Twwwoo... Thouuussssand... Teeeennn." [To Mike] "Is Nickelodeon's address the same?"
"Yes, y-yes it is."
[Snicky writes down the address that he still remembers by heart.]
[Typing] "Dear Nickelodeon, Christine McGlade, Viacom, et al:..." [Aside] "What should I write next? I wanna say we're p*ssed off about the cancellaton, but I can't really use those exact words.... can I? Hell, why not!"
[Snicky writes: We, the undersigned, are royally p*ssed off that you could stoop this low. How dare you cancel the Nick Rewind. Future generations do not need to be deprived of Nickelodeon's glory days. Looks like it's gonna be another sh**ty decade for Nickelodeon -- and pop culture for that matter.]
"I love it already, and that's just the first paragraph."
"Tell 'em we want our shows back!"
[Snicky types: You cannot take our shows away! NEVER!! One or two generations grew up on these shows when they were kids, and now they desperately need them back as soon as possible.]
"But why not just write an email to Nickelodeon? They'll get it a lot faster."
[Long pause] "Because... [Pause] I have a plan..." [Typing and speaking at the same time] "By the time... yooouuu... reeead... this...."
[One month has passed since the letter was mailed. The date is May 10, 2010 -- Kenan Thompson's 32nd birthday. Nickelodeon's office at 1515 Broadway receives the letter from Snicky and company.]
"Ms. McGlade, you have a letter."
**Christine "Moose" McGlade**
[Happy] "Who is it from?"
[The mood turns from cheerful to gloomy.]
[Rambling unintelligibly to herself] "I knew it, I knew it! [Expletive] I knew it... I just knew I'd get some letters.... [unintelligible]"
"What's wrong!!??! What's [expletive] wrong??!! Those b*st*rds at Viacom forced me to f**king cancel the Nick Rewind! And now St. Snicky has written me an angry, p*ssed-off letter!! That's what's f**king wrong, Adam. Just throw it away, just Throw. It. Away. Throw it away now!! I'm not reading it, you can't make me!"
"What's the worst that could happen?"
"This is St. Snicky we're talking about! The problem is... I don't know--"
[McGlade gets slimed because there is a slime tank overhead at her desk.]
"No pun intended, but can you please get me some water?"
[Adam squirts water into McGlade's mouth.]
[Spits the water out] "This is serious, Adam! There could be a whole Army of Old School Nick Fans somewhere for all I know!"
"Well, let's just read the letter and find out."
[Adam opens up the letter and reads it aloud. A half-hour passes.]
"That's it? I thought he was gonna write a constitution or something... or condemn us to hell."
"Wait, there's more... They look like... song lyrics..."
[The song begins. We see an entire Army of Old School Nick Fans sorrounding the Nickelodeon/Viacom office.]
[Disembodied voice singing]
How I loved Nick Rewind with Pete & Pete
I pinched myself, I thought it was a dream,
It's turned into a nightmare, now I can't wake up
Nick went away, came back, and now it's all f**ked up
And since 2001, Nick has never been the same,
How you people put Viacom to shame
Took off "All That" and got the cast replaced
And on Nick Jr., you got rid of Face,
No more Muppet Babies, so shove it up your [expletive]
Nick went away and then you introduced Nick Gas
Death of our childhood is one big atomic bomb
I blame you, stupid (Bleeps!) at Viacom
[The song becomes quiet and then crescendoes into a heavy rock epic. There are bon fires everywhere on the street. There is graffiti all around the Nickelodeon/Viacom office building. Most of it is lyrics from the songs, either complete lyrics or bits and pieces. Other graffiti includes:
I Don't Know!
A scribbly sketch of Kevin the Stage Manager
A scribbly All That logo
We miss you, Gromble
Real Monsters Forever
Gullah Gullah Island]
[Snicky starts writing "VIACOM" in giant letters, taking his time.]
How I miss The Amanda Show!
How I miss the Nick Cannon Show!
And Moose, yes, 'Manda Bynes
Kenan & Kel
As Rugrats, let's Rewind
And Double Dare
Awww-awww here it goes!
(Goes... goes... goes... goes...)
(Goes... goes... goes... goes... goes...)
[The giant TV screen on top of the building behind Snicky is on the Nick Rewind channel, which then switches from the "Viacom has discontinued..." title card to the opening sequence from "You Can't Do That on Television."]
You fear the dark tonight?
We won't give up without a fight
I'll never turn back time!
I wish I could just one more time!
[Snicky has run out of spray paint, but his graffiti reads, "VIACON." Snicky is frustrated that he has run out of spray paint. Mike taps Snicky on the shoulder and give him his can of spray paint, which has just enough paint to finish the job. Snicky proceeds to finish the "M" in "VIACOM." He wipes the sweat off of his forehead, and Mike pats Snicky on the back and the two hug over their victory.]