-> "Clueless Clients"
Original Song Title:
Parody Song Title:
I sense clients
Sense them everywhere.
Think I’ll get my specialist
To see them over there.
Tell ‘em every time;
Seven days a week
And they will give you every dime.
Rich and poor, well isn’t it a crime!
Waiting for advice;
Waiting for consultants
Who they think are very nice.
Waiting to be heard
Back at home or in a bank
They wait to hear the word.
Don’t they know we think them all absurd!
Come in, my dear
Let me see how much cash you have.
This current account…
You can invest it for me…
My fee is four percent.
That seems much too much to me.
I’ll make it three and a half. My final word. It’s up to you.
I think it’s high.
Take it or no.
Please make it two.
Your last chance now
Ol’ dear, I need to take my cut!
Waiting to be fleeced.
Never even thinking
That they’re dealing with a beast.
Long term, short term
Any term at all,
Charge a little extra if they don’t want it to fall!
Keep it simple, tell ‘em that you’ll call!
Pull up a chair.
What petty stocks you got there.
Lucky you came, the time is right to sell.
I’ll sell the lot.
Don’t rush me, I need some time.
Let’s do a deal, my commission is 5%
How about that!
It gives me cash.
How about that!
I have no choice. It gives me cash
5% is daylight robbery to me!
Meet ‘em on the street.
Chat ‘em up in minutes flat
And knock ‘em off their feet.
Thinking that they’re poor;
Hoping that with good advice
They’ll make a little more.
Take their money
Then show them the door!
Clueless to the core
Clueless by the score
Clueless all the more
We are clueless, clueless clients
Need we say more?
What’s this about, who’s this poor sucker here?
One who’s put out, she’s the one sold her stocks.
She helps her old mum in a care home.
I could have guessed
Always someone else.
Clueless client, why not try again now!
Come dear lady, haven’t got a dime?
Maybe you’ll be better off next time
Markets crashed and investments took a fall
I suppose you’ve gone and lost it all!
(Annie goes off with another adviser)
Sleep tight lovely, now you’ve nothing left
Sleep tight lovely, call it downright theft!
All advisers, never ever sure
Cynical and clinical, they’re always after more.
Nifty, shifty, leading all astray
Even though you fob them off they never go away,
Taking all your money every day!
Trying to get rich quick
Answering cold callers
Which is really pretty thick!
Come and do your worst
Are you any better
Than the one I saw at first.
Take my money
Put it in a trust.
Might as well invest what’s left
Before it gathers dust.
They all know they’re ripping off
Poor me, already bust!
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