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Song Parodies -> "Koko, We're Making Love"

Original Song Title:

"Sugar, We're Going Down"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Fall Out Boy

Parody Song Title:

"Koko, We're Making Love"

Parody Written by:

Hu's On First

The Lyrics

A leading geneticist recently claimed that humans originated when a male pig and a female ape (probably a chimpanzee) interbred.
You've got me really oinking for ya
Oh, I've been rooting around and
Licking both my porky lips
I really hope that you're in heat

Lie in the grass, next to the watering hole now
I'm just a stick in your tree nest
But you're just a notch on my tusk
(Stick in your tree nest, but you're just a notch on my tusk)

Drop down chimp, onto all fours
We'll soon be sleeping in and sleeping for the wrong team

We're makin' love, love, with the jungle around
And Koko, we're doin' the nasty
I'll be your number one with the bacon
A natural ham, Babe, no I'm not fakin'

We're makin' love, love, with the jungle around
And Koko, we're doin' the nasty
I'll be your number one with the bacon
A natural ham, Babe, no I'm not fakin'

Is this more than you've bargained for yet?
Oh, you know my tail's not the only thing that's curly*
Bonzo could not give you this kind of sex

Isn't it messed up how we spend our mating season?
I'm just a stick in your tree nest
But you're just a notch on my tusk
(Stick in your tree nest, but you're just a notch on my tusk)

Drop down chimp, onto all fours
We'll soon be sleeping in and sleeping for the wrong team

We're makin' love, love, with the jungle around
And Koko, we're doin' the nasty
I'll be your number one with the bacon
A natural ham, Babe, no I'm not fakin'

Love, love, with the jungle around
And Koko, we're doin' the nasty
I'll be your number one with my penis
You know I never did keep that thing in my genus

We're makin' love, love, with the jungle around
And Koko, we're doin' the nasty
I'll be your number one with the bacon
A natural ham, Babe, no I'm not fakin'
Yes, I know Koko was a gorilla....but she's the most famous individual female ape people know about, so what other name was I going to use? *Pigs have corkscrew penises.

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Pacing: 3.0
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Total Votes: 4

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User Comments

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Retarded Hypotheses - December 13, 2013 - Report this comment
Man, those quacks will tell themselves anything to believe in the myth of evolution.
Factual and Proven - December 13, 2013 - Report this comment
"Myth of evolution"? This is a strain of American anti-intellectualism which may well have future generations inherit nothing from us but the wind.

May the Roman Catholic Church (of all institutions!) drag you kicking and screaming into the Twentieth Century. From Feb. 2009: Archbishop Gianfranco Ravasi, head of the Pontifical Council for Culture, said while the Church had been hostile to Darwin's theory in the past, the idea of evolution could be traced to St Augustine and St Thomas Aquinas.

Father Giuseppe Tanzella-Nitti, Professor of Theology at the Pontifical Santa Croce University in Rome, added that 4th century theologian St Augustine had "never heard the term evolution, but knew that big fish eat smaller fish" and forms of life had been transformed "slowly over time". Aquinas made similar observations in the Middle Ages.

Ahead of a papal-backed conference next month marking the 150th anniversary of Darwin's On the Origin of Species, the Vatican is also set to play down the idea of Intelligent Design, which argues a "higher power" must be responsible for the complexities of life.

The conference at the Pontifical Gregorian University will discuss Intelligent Design to an extent, but only as a "cultural phenomenon" rather than a scientific or theological issue.

Monsignor Ravasi said Darwin's theories had never been formally condemned by the Roman Catholic Church, pointing to comments more than 50 years ago, when Pope Pius XII described evolution as a valid scientific approach to the development of humans.
Hu's On First - December 13, 2013 - Report this comment
For what it's worth, Eugene McCarthy (the geneticist who proposed the pig-chimp hybridization idea) believes that gradual natural selection by itself can't cause evolution, since selection pressure causes species' genomes to "stabilize" (I. e., become more inbred, with narrower gene pools). This "stabilization" eventually drives all species to extinction. McCarthy argues that new species arise suddenly when freak hybridization events occur (even hybrids between distantly related species CAN be viable, according to his theory, if the chromosomes align properly. He says this is unlikely but not impossible). Thus, McCarthy argues that all species are ultimately doomed to be replaced by the next generation of Frankensteins. The only way to test this theory in a lab would be to actually demonstrate that such a freak hybrid could exist. I'd like to see a ostrich * komodo cross (which would be the closest thing we could get to a dinosaur!)
Hu's On First - December 13, 2013 - Report this comment
McCarthy also claims that the duck-billed platypus is a mammal-bird hybrid, and cites chromosomal data as evidence. But it's not a slam-dunk case, and there are other explanations for why the platypus is the way it is.
Mythological and Unprovable - December 13, 2013 - Report this comment
In short, Eugene McCarthy has abandoned the obsolete mythology of neo-Darwinian Gradualism for the "hopeful monsters arising from catastrophic shifts" mythology of Punctuated Equilibrium; which is just as unprovable and completely devoid of actual science, but admittedly a much better-written "just so" story than its predecessor. Richard Goldschmidt, call your office!
Factual and Proven - December 14, 2013 - Report this comment
Evolution proceeds at variable rates, from near-stasis to rapid change, depending on the size of the species, the process of gene flow, and environmental pressures. This is confirmed by the fossil record when morphology is time-tracked against the geological record, meteor hits, etc. Disputes among scientists are common and minor; even Richard Goldschmidt's "macro-mutations" is still grist for the mill, and it stands apart from the Punctuated Equilibrium of Eldridge and Gould.
There is no dispute regarding the fact of evolution.
Rob Arndt - December 14, 2013 - Report this comment
Evolution is a theory, NOT a fact by a long stretch. Even at that, it is deeply flawed. Where are all the transitional lifeforms like the fish with legs? Not one example. Where is the link between animals and humans (aka Missing Link)? Not found cause it never existed. And the science is bogus. All life comes from existing life so the chicken came first as the egg is a reproduction of the original species, therefore it can NEVER be first! And those dinosaur bones are COLLECTED from various spots on the globe and then ASSEMBLED and bolted together for display in museums. A leg bone here, a thigh bone there, a head somewhere else. That is bad science. And old Lucy the ape-thing? Now surpassed by skulls from full humans from an earlier time. So I don't count a 4' tall disfigured ape as any ancestor. The scientists DO argue amongst themselve but neither are experts cause no one was around to prove anything they say... and their constant re-dating of the time of origin of the Big-Bang (also bogus) and when civilization began is laughable. Simple carbon dating is so inaccurate that 3 month old roadkill has been identified as thousands of years old!!! Btw, despite assertions that people that wrote the Bible thought the earth was flat, the opposite is true in the very scriptures written of the world being round (a sphere in Isiah and revolving earth in Luke). And what of that fossilized boat sitting in the Ararat range that Turkey refuses to let people visit which was spotted by F-86 pilots immediately post-World War II? Why would a _ship_ be on top of a mountain range? And anyone can SEE the Second Temple base (the Temple Mount and Wailing Wall) with their own eyes in Israel. You can also travel to Rome and see the Arch of Titus with the destruction of the Temple and the objects carried away- Gee, the same ones as described in the Bible (Menorah and Table of Trumpets). And lastly, Armageddon is not some nuclear doomsday, it is a physical location N of Jerusalem, the Valley of Jez'reel where the forces of the EU Antichrist and his Army clash with forces from Russia (remnant from the North) and China plus her Allies (the 200 million man Kings of the East). When Revelation was written in 100 AD by John there was no such nation nor empire with an army of 200 million! It would be inconceivable, like describing the total world population. Today and for many decades China alone could field that army and so can India (1.3 Billion and 1.1 Billion people respectively). The Bible also says that the Euphrates would dry up to allow passage of troops. Iraq can shut down the Euphrates. All this turmoil over money in the West, weak leadership, terrorism, and world growth is leading up to war on a global scale. China is building up their forces to confront the US in the Pacific in the exact same manner as Japan did in the 1930s. Economic disasters facing the US and EU also set the stage for the Beast to be elected (like Hitler) and form a huge Army (EU estimated 40-70 Billion with all reserves called up). US and European war journals predict WW3 to start anywhere from 2015-2020. That's mere years away. World population is over 7 Billion. WW3 was due in the 1960s and is now very overdue. Jeff, I'm giving you 555 based on your parody and not rating you as a person. Also, anyone is free to believe what they want- all are free moral agents. In Sacramento we now have atheist billboards and I am not surprised nor angered. They are meaningless to me. Atheism IS a belief system too that is organized and funded- a strong belief in the non-existence of a God. So debate all you want. The so-called "experts" do all the time. Yesterday (100 years ago) the dinosaurs were stupid, slow, and cold-blooded. Today using modern tech and ideas they are now smart, fast, hunted in packs, and were warm-blooded! How would anyone even prove the color diversity of dinosaur skin? No one was around then that can testify and this creation could in no way exist alongside the dinosaur mystery (probably created by Satan and his 1/3rd after expulsion from the Third Heaven to block mankind and the new creation of animals). After all, how could man, a tiger, or lion fight velociraptors and the T-Rex? Never happened. And finally a new Noah movie for 2014 with Russel Crowe as Noah. I'm glad from the trailers that they finally got the Ark design right as a barge-shaped or flat-carrier design as in Genesis. The three levels were inside, not outside and the Ark was never boat-shaped. At least Hollywood is getting some things right now :)
Rob Arndt - December 14, 2013 - Report this comment
Oops, a Homer Simpson moment- Doh! Sorry Hu, was thinking of Jeff's parody and also a typo with EU Army strength. Should read 40-70 million instead of billion. This is based on projections on Antichrist's empire of the Western EU, the taking of E Europe, the ME land bridge, and N Africa during conquest. Antichrist is also expected to seize the ME oil fields and cut-off the world supply forcing obedience or economic shut-down consequences.
Mythological and Unprovable - December 14, 2013 - Report this comment
Considering the blind rabid faith of its believers, of course there's no dispute about the myth of evolution; it's completely unfalsifiable, and you won't be hired unless you believe in it.
Factual and Proven - December 14, 2013 - Report this comment
There are so many errors, misconceptions and flights of fancy in Rob Arndt's comment, that this reply is necessarily limited.

1. When used in non-scientific context, the word “theory” implies that something is unproven or speculative. As used in science, however, a theory is an explanation or model based on observation, experimentation, and reasoning, especially one that has been tested and confirmed as a general principle helping to explain and predict natural phenomena.

2. "Missing link" is another term used by people unfamiliar with evolution. It suggests that we can identify a transitional form which is a direct ancestor of an existing one. We cannot do this because, as observation and reasoning reveal, evolution is not linear; it has many branches and, pictorially, looks like a tree. Moreover, the fossil record is incomplete.
Factual and Proven - December 14, 2013 - Report this comment
Mythological and Unproven: The Theory of Evolution is eminently falsifiable and therefore qualifies as science. For example, the Theory would fall apart
if it could be shown that mutations do not occur.
if it could be shown that, although mutations do occur, they are not passed down through the generations.
On the other hand, intelligent design is unfalsifiable, mostly because it cannot make predictions that can actually be tested.
Rob Arndt - December 15, 2013 - Report this comment
It actually takes more FAITH to believe in unproven evolution than creationism. And here are more facts for you: 1) Gen 1:24 states that everything produces after its own kind which agrees with what scientists observe- that dogs produce dogs, cats produce cats, and roses produce roses. That there are genetic boundaries beyond which life cannot vary. Although there can be man-made genetic modification, never has there been witnessed natural evolution from one species to another as evolution supposes (key word). 2) Darwin's "survival of the fittest" proven wrong throughout history as countless people and groups have endangered or even sacrificed their own lives to protect others. Third profession in history was bodyguard (prostitution not even in the top 5)! 3) God made man from the red clay or earth. Scientists confirm that the human body is 70% water like the earth and contains 28 base and trace elements found IN the earth! 4) Science expresses the Universe in terms of time, space, matter, and energy. the first three lines of Genesis confirm this from creation: In the beginning (time), God created the heavens (space) and the earth (matter)... then God said "Let there be light (energy)"!!! No other creation event agrees with the observable evidence!!! 5) Scientists and the Bible agree on rough number of stars! The Bible states that the stars are as numerous as grains of sand on a beach which would be roughly 10,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 (ten thousand billion trillion)!!! And although many specualte that their number is infinate, God states that He knows their number and calls them each by name, so they are actually finite! 6) Geologists agree that fossils only form if there is rapid deposition of life buried away from scavengers and bacteria which accounts for a catastrophic event- the Flood which also supercompressed plant and animal life into what became petroleum. The Flood also is mankind's only common memory all over the globe and accounts for the break up of the old Supercontinent land mass into many continents. And I could go on with homosexual immorality and "recieving the punishment INSIDE themselves" (AIDS), Life begins at conception as nothing is added to the first cell except nutrition and oxygen. A fertilized egg is truly a full human being with needs from the start. Mankind all shares the same blood and came from the same gene pool. Consider also that evolution contradicts the Second Law of Themodynamics (Entropy)- the Universe is not constant but dying-not getting better, but older and deteriorating. Try also looking up the Anthropic Principal. Btw, life cannot be explained by raw materials, time, and chance alone. Anyone that believes that all of this is by chance is more than a fool, he/she is a willfully ignorant fool. As for my interpretations of Revelation, mankind has already seen prophecy fulfilled by the scattering of the Jews in 70AD, their return to claim their land in 1948, the recapture of the Holy City in 1967, and all the forces foretold in Revelation all exist (EU, Russia, China). The Beast lives too and will be elected to the Euro-Parliament in the future. The Germans hold the most votes and he will probably be German once again. It states that he honors the god of war and his people are known for their cruelty. That's not the US, UK, France, Spain, or anyone in the West but Germany. When Jerusalem falls to the Beast at the 3.5 yr mark of the 7 yr Trib Period the Euro forces will kill 7000 in the city and ultimately through WW3 kill half of mankind and destory 1/3rd of the sea and 1/3rd of the land!!! Sound familiar?
Factual and Proven - December 15, 2013 - Report this comment
Mr. Arndt, I have read your latest comment.
Rob Arndt - December 16, 2013 - Report this comment
I was just waiting for the people to come along that confuse adaptation with evolution! Man for all his 6000 years on earth or millions if you believe that has not evolved and never will. A man today could travel back in time to the beginning of recorded history and be exactly the same. To claim that man hid in caves as primitive hunter-gathers fror millions of years and then suddenly in Egypt monumental architecture, religion, science, law, education, music, and war tech all suddenly sprang forth is ludicrous. My people, the Germans, called barbarians by the Romans were artisans, weapons makers, craftsmen, and wore pants. How quickly the Romans used some of them as auxilliaries and scouts and then when Rome was sacked and fallen in the West the Germanic tribes pushed the Celts (aka Gauls) off the Continent and formed the bridge between the Old World and the New as Britain was mixed with Angles, Saxons, and Jutes; hence the term Anglo-Saxon which was Germanic. Celts forced over to Eire. I laugh about WW2 b/c the Germans never needed Ireland's help with the British. Germany had no strategic use for Ireland- it already had enough rocks and potatoes in Germany and could refuel U-boats at sea with the Bv-222!!!
Mythological and Unprovable - December 16, 2013 - Report this comment
The myth of evolution is eminently unfalsifiable and unscientific because it consists entirely of events its believers claim occurred in an unobservable and unrepeatable distant past. That they consistently fail to reproduce ANY of these events in the here-and-now, no matter how much they fiddle with genes in their labs makes no difference to their mythology, because they have already accepted these events on faith. Richard Goldschmidt's "hopeful monster" myths and the Punctuated Equilibrium myths that succeeded both these and the gradualists' mythology are merely a more straight-forward conjecture of unobservable and unrepeatable events to excuse the failure of evolutionists to demonstrate any actual evolution. In short, the evolutionists are asking us to believe in miracles. As it happens, I do in fact believe in miracles, but miracles are inherently supernatural and therefore by definition beyond the capacity of "natural philosophy" (a.k.a. science) to analyze and predict. As with those unobservable and unrepeatable past events evolutionists expect us to take on faith, evolutionists' "predictions" are likewise conveniently too far off in the future ever to be tested, and therefore likewise unfalsifiable and unscientific. Evolution is nothing but an elaborate "just so" story told by self-congratulatory academic fools, full of the best Hollywood special effects sound and fury money can buy, and yet still signifying nothing.
Factual and Proven - December 16, 2013 - Report this comment
There is abundant evidence that Man has been evolving during geologically recent times. Examples are
1. The tolerance for lactose was still developing as early as 3,000 years ago in East Africa, as a result of breeding cows, goats, etc. That genetic mutation for digesting milk is now carried by more than 95 percent of Northern European descendants.
2. Today, we have utensils to cut our food. Our meals are softer and easier to chew, and our jaws are much smaller as a result, which is why wisdom teeth are often impacted when they come in — there just isn't room for them. Like the appendix, wisdom teeth have become vestigial organs. One estimate says 35 percent of the population is born without wisdom teeth, and some say they will disappear altogether.
3. We are resisting diseases. In 2007, a group of researchers looking for signs of recent evolution uncovered 1,800 genes that have only become prevalent in humans in the last 40,000 years, many of which are devoted to fighting infectious diseases like malaria. More than a dozen new genetic variants for fighting malaria are spreading rapidly among Africans. Another study found that natural selection has favored city-dwellers. Living in cities has produced a genetic variant that allows us to be more resistant to diseases like tuberculosis and leprosy. This seems to be an elegant example of evolution in action.
4. Our brains have actually been shrinking over the last 30,000 years. The average volume of the human brain has decreased from 1,500 cubic centimeters to 1,350 cubic centimeters, which is equivalent to a chunk the size of a tennis ball. There are several theories as to why, which I will not explore here.
5. Originally, we all had brown eyes. But about 10,000 years ago, someone who lived near the Black Sea developed a genetic mutation that turned brown eyes blue. While the reason blue eyes have persisted remains a bit of a mystery; one theory is that they act as a sort of paternity test.

If time allows, I will dispose of M and U's nonsense at a later date. I will only state that the fossil record makes the past observable.
Factual and Proven - December 16, 2013 - Report this comment
To Mythological and Unprovable/Rob Arndt: Modern DNA sequencing technology has provided a rigorous test of evolution, far beyond the wildest dreams of Charles Darwin. In particular, comparison of DNA sequences between organisms can be used as a measure of relatedness, and can further be used to actually construct the most likely "family tree" hierarchical relationship between a set of organisms. Such analyses have been done, and the results so far dramatically confirm the family tree that had been earlier constructed solely based on comparisons of body structure and biochemistry.

The obvious hierarchical arrangement of life, and the literally millions of ancestral relics in our DNA -- all undeniably attest to our common evolutionary origin with the rest of life. If someone can believe that all living organisms share the same creator, why not consider that all living organisms share a common genetic heritage?

M & U and Arndt may have the last words. It is useless for me to debate those who believe in miracles and other aspects of the supernatural. Likewise, I will not argue this topic with religious mystics and biblically-inspired doomsday scenarists.

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