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Song Parodies -> "Devout Me"

Original Song Title:

"Without Me"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Eminem

Parody Song Title:

"Devout Me"

The Lyrics

A spiel about hangin wit my homeboy Jesus and how Christmas has lost its meaning since the good ol days of the Bizzible.
Holy Christ, real psalms, basilica.

My halo sparkles, I know it outshines.
Glows and outshines, glows and outshines.
(vocal scratch) God! (vocal scratch) God!
Some angels! Hark all, come down and shout lines.
Loudly shout lines. Loudly shout lines.
(vocal scratch) God! (vocal scratch) God!
Jehovah!

Guess who's back, from the dead.
May be Jack... could be Fred...
Jews attack, lash his back, then he's hacked up and tacked to a rack
Like those chaps in Iraq.
Hannukah? No way! Hannukah? Oy vey!

He's creating a garden. The universe starts to enlarge and to form.
But old Hades has got clever.
Now Eve has met Satan, guess what that guy gives her:
An apple from a tree, hexing us forever.
That cobra with the cold heart was smart, tricked 'em with his charm,
Then they got shocked when old God grimaced and then locked 'em
Outside of his lovely nation.
Soon they're wanting a baby and they're copulating. (Hey!)
So Cain is then born for cultivating,
Filling sacks with his wheat grass and crops for eating.
I know you abhor your brother Abel,
But to slaughter him's probably not the way, fool!

There's a wretched breeze and swelling seas,
And wet knees feel freezing- help me please!
Before the rain comes down to drench the place,
Noah piles in mammals...not in threes.
So, come and worship God on our ship.
Luck that dove has a snip of branch in its nib.
On day seven, He rested around up in heaven.
I just want a seat in front row. Fuck the Devil!

Now this cool guy's a God for me.
His heaven party's hangover-free.
Just a measly little conversion fee.
Now I feel so saintly, devout me.

I said Christian life's the one for me.
You heretics all unholy be.
I don't need a dreidel or white sari,
Cuz I feel so saintly, devout me.

Down in hell there's skin peeling it melts, yeah.
And various terrors with spears to impale ya.
They'll start wielding spikes, scissors and scalpels,
These demons come along with their pitchforks and yell "Pitch!"
They're hissing, glaring, pissing on fairies,
Their farts are soon mushrooming, polluting your air. Praise the devil.
And just let him swivel his ass as he cackles and gabbles on, spitting out gas.
He's a sick bastard. Such a prick has to be.
Horrid to see Saddam touching his nads, manhandling.

Well, that's wack. (voice scratch)
Lots of friends are sinners, loony men who simply wanna
Enter in and just wander heaven with the cherubs.
So errant in their action, black are their innards of sin digestion.
From Ezra to Esther, they question everything said in the Testaments.
"This thing's a bunch of *bleep*. Free redemption without no confession fee?
Must be nonsense, so delusory."
Makes no sense? Get bent! It's grand to me!

Now this cool guy's a God for me.
His heaven party's hangover-free.
Just a measly little conversion fee.
Now I feel so saintly, devout me.

I said Christian life's the one for me.
You heretics all unholy be.
I don't need a dreidel or white sari,
Cuz I feel so saintly, devout me.

He kicked it, old Lazarus, in his wicker casket.
Everybody is mourning his stiff cadaver.
Jesus passes through the stench of gases.
Hearse needs deferral: he's risen, master!
From Moses, Pharaoh got thumb-to-noses.
Just 36 years ahead treading sand roads, kids.
From gross locusts to huge frogs, sea flowed and soaked him.
Nobody's missing him. Heck no, he's dead yo.

Such Biblical symbols simply act metaphorical as precedence.
They've been wrote as useful tips, principles.
Commandments hence spurn ourselves from what is sinful.
The son Christ, the Ghost, Big Cheese,
Everybody knows these chumps: The Christian Three.
But Christmas fees are disgusting.
It sickens me, it must be weaned
Cuz when shops are bursting with Santa jerseys,
Agnostics worship this merchandising,
These new gifts ooze with gross lavishness.
Shop cues are booming from this business.
Hey! There's a shop clerk at work,
Selling billions of what tykes out there deserve,
Wallets fatter from sharing Christian themes,
Christmas feels so empty, discount me.

Now this cool guy's a God for me.
His heaven party's hangover-free.
Just a measly little conversion fee.
Now I feel so saintly, devout me.

I said Christian life's the one for me.
But everybody, is hollow, see.
And we need to quit this commerce frenzy,
Cuz we're stealing plenty, why not give?

Ha-a-lle-lujah.
Ha-a-lle-lujah.
Ha-a-lle-lujah.
A-a-amen.

Ha-a-lle-lujah.
Ha-a-lle-lujah.
Ha-a-lle-lujah.
A-a-amen.

Gifts!

Your Vote & Comment Counts

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 LittleLots
Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 



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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.4
How Funny: 4.5
Overall Rating: 4.5

Total Votes: 20

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 1
 1
 
 2   0
 1
 0
 
 3   3
 2
 2
 
 4   2
 0
 1
 
 5   14
 16
 16
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Tim Mayfield - December 05, 2004 - Report this comment
Jake, I'm giving ya 5's cause this is an extremely laborious undertaking. A word of warning though, don't sing this at church. Peace out!
EmiLoca - December 05, 2004 - Report this comment
Now this was brilliant, props to thee
This, ev'rybody should prob'ly read
And I cannot wait for the re-cording
So I give you plenty - five times three.
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - December 05, 2004 - Report this comment
How'd you know I recorded it? I got the instrumental off a single I have and used mum's work laptop to record my voice along to it. Unfortunately I haven't sung since I was 10 so I was all out of breath and some parts of the song run over others, and I don't have any editing programs. I'll post it somewhere only if you BEG.
Stuart McArthur - December 06, 2004 - Report this comment
well, Luke, I'm a big fan, and I loved this - heaps of great lines - "Luck that dove has a snip of branch in its nib" is as dry as you get - 555 matey
Stan - December 17, 2004 - Report this comment
Great concept Hilarious.
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - December 17, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks Stu and Stan! 'Dry as you get'...groan! YOU SUCK!
Stuart McArthur - December 17, 2004 - Report this comment
no, I meant it innocently and complimentarily
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - December 17, 2004 - Report this comment
*considers*
YOU SUCK!
Stuart McArthur - December 18, 2004 - Report this comment
what was that mark you got for English Expression again?
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - December 19, 2004 - Report this comment
...I'll be nice.
Claude Prez - January 12, 2005 - Report this comment
MAN, I wish I knew the original. (not enough to go look for it tho) but I'm BEGGING you to post your recording somewhere. Loved the "hacked up and tacked to a rack" bit.
Johnny D - January 12, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM Wild Card) A new genre - GOSPEL RAP!

--- Luke Brattoni 5:55
Agrimorfee - January 12, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM WIld) Actually I think DC Talk were the first Christian rappers (well, they wrapped sometimes untl they turned themselves into Nirvana-for-Christ.) Nice stuff as always, Luke. 555
Kristof Robertson - January 12, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM Wild Card) DKTOS, but this was a great read and an epic work...good job
MysteryGoat - January 12, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM WC) Interesting...
Adagio - January 12, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM WILD) DKTOS, but an impressive undertaking! I'm still 5ing you!
Spaff.com - January 12, 2005 - Report this comment
The Gospel According to Ralphing Luke. Wow. Y'all who DKTOS oughtta go grab it for no other reason than to see how well this matches up. Lotsa grrreat subs for the original (like C4P, I particularly liked the "guess who's back" sequence). But the whole thing's a tour de force, man. Ha-a-lle-lujah.
Melhi - January 12, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM-WC) Righteous!
Scathe - January 12, 2005 - Report this comment
(Wild Card)Nice write. DKTOS though.
Jeff Reuben - January 13, 2005 - Report this comment
Good job!
Brit - January 13, 2005 - Report this comment
SOTM WC You had me at "Bizzible" rofl
Stuart McArthur - January 15, 2005 - Report this comment
(wild card) see above
martha - January 16, 2005 - Report this comment
fantastic stuff here (wld card )particularly liked the Moses/noses line....
John Jenkins - January 20, 2005 - Report this comment
Luke, I can see a lot of talent in this parody. But, as a Christian who doesn't go out of his way to listen to rap music, I struggled with some of the concepts and the way they were worded. I suspect that there are not many rap songs that don't use the f-dud or "chump," but I did not see that these words were particularly creative; and, to me, they overpowered some of the really good lines and reduced the potential positive impact of the parody.
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - January 21, 2005 - Report this comment
Thanks, all! JJ: I frown on Bible-bashing cuz I think religion is something everyone needs to work out for themselves over time without feeling pressured. I attempted to make comparing the olden times to today fun and accessible. 'Chumps' just rhymed assonance-ly with 'wants' and I found dropping the f-dud on the Devil rather appropriate. Thanks for your feedback, anyhow.
John Jenkins - January 21, 2005 - Report this comment
Luke, thanks for the explanation. I respect your views, but I do not equate Christianity with Bible-bashing or pressuring. We Christians do feel strongly that we have something worth sharing; but you are right that sometimes we do come off as self-righteous or overbearing.
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - January 22, 2005 - Report this comment
Quit your self-righteous, overbearing attitude! (joking, joking) ;)
2nz - January 31, 2005 - Report this comment
DKTO... but great rhyme scheme yo. Sometimes I think you're stuff is too vividly drawn for me to appreciate. Like I'll come back later when I'm smarter and 'get it' or something. Like I'm not sure whether I should be offended or humbled or in hell for being Catholic and still appreciating this... man. As you can see, I'm a mess now; Nice work ;c).
Spaff.com - February 08, 2005 - Report this comment
I predicted somewhere that with the speed at which the bar is being raised around here, it'll soon take a parody of the entire Old Testament to place in the SOTM. Guess you proved that. And what Spaff said.
SONG OF THE MONTH 2004 WILD CARD - BRONZE MEDAL - March 02, 2005 - Report this comment
http://www.inthe00s.com/index.php?action=dlattach;topic=3009.0;id=3889;image
Charlie Decker - March 13, 2005 - Report this comment
I don't know how I missed this one before, Luke. If I were active on the site at the time (it was during my hiatus), this would have certainly gotten my vote for the SOTM Wild Card thingie. The pacing is perfect, and I laugued out loud several times. Truly one of the better parodies I've read in ages. And, thankfully, I can read it with an atheist's detachment from the whole affair. 555+
2nz - March 14, 2005 - Report this comment
I'm still a mess, so good job, I think.
Starlette Victory - September 09, 2005 - Report this comment
It seems a little anti-anything-but-christianity and it's more disturbing than funny to me, but overall it's a good parody.
bobpiecheese - January 02, 2006 - Report this comment
Well done, Luke. A fellow Australian, I believe? Nice. Love the 'F*** the Devil!' bit. Have you read my religious parody? Or, as that site said, 'parodeity'? It's at www.amiright.com/parody/2000s/linkinpark253.shtml It's based on Jesus' 'I Am' phrases. Enjoy!

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